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  1. #1
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    Share your "oh no" moments. Dramatic stories from life, etc.

    I was just thinking it would be cool to hear of any hairy situations any of yall have run into, like maybe your car breaking down in subzero weather miles from help, or boat almost sinking, brakes going out at a bad time, tire blow out at a bad time, just drank an entire glass of toxic paint thinner without noticing. I guess i'm just curious to hear everybodys "oh shit" moments.

    I guess one of mine would be, when i was out on my dad's commercial ocean fishing vessel. we were traveling between point A and point B and had to go into open ocean on his 48 ft boat.

    it's a sturdy boat but right when we were noticing the ocean get bad, out from the engine room comes a giant cloud of steam and black smoke so thick you could cut it with a knife. So there we were with waves crashing up against us with no engine power rocking back and forth with the increasingly more violent waves hitting up against us about to capsize us.

    Anyway, long story short, my dad went downstairs and found a burst water pipe, quick fixed it, jump started the engine, and pumped the water out of the engineroom and came out covered in oil and fishguts up to the waist and had apparently shit rigged the boat's engine back together and we were on our way. Good thing too because if that didn't work we'd have to get on our full body lifesuits and jump into freezing cold alaskan ocean water and hope that someone found us (the power on the ship was out too so we couldn't radio). But yeah that's my oh shit moment, or one of them at least.
    "I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
    --- Frank Herbert, Dune - Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear

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  3. #2
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    It was a dark and stormy nite....

    Not really, It was after school. I had my car for about 3 months and my little sister was in the passanger seat. My baby sister was in the back. We three had our seat belts on. Well, I broke two rules that day. One was, you come straight home after school. the other was no one else rides in your car.
    So I had two other fellows, one I grew up with and the other was his friend. We went to take his friend home and it was down a dirt road. I started to speed up and fishtale, on purpose. My baby sister starts to scream. I loose control of the car.
    We hit and embankment. The care roles over. Smashed in the passanger side corner of the roof. I ask if everyone is okay. All sounded off. Then I said get out how ever you can.

    This is not the oh no moment.

    My parents pull up to the scene. Dad repeats over and over, How did this happen?

    Mom..... Well I stayed away from her. It would have not been bad if it was just me, but I had her babies with me.

  4. #3
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    I bought a Hookah or othwerise known as a Shisha bong (for those that assume it's for weed, it is not. it is for flavoured tobacco) and smoked in like everyday for 4 days with different friends for up to like 5 hours.

    Two of the times i decided it is a good idea to put vodka instead of water in the bong, even though i was told i will be poisoned. I didn't really care because the intoxicating effect of the shisha with vodka instead of water was amazing.

    But then on the 4th day my head started hurting in the morning, it lasted all throughout the day untill like 7 pm. Then i got what i guess is a migraine, and then it magnified untill it reached a level of pain i didn't think existed. I am not going to lie, I almost cried, and I am not a bitch. It got so bad that I couldnt really understand things anymore, and actualy needed to pull my own name out of my memory, not with the usual ease we are used to.

    luckily I was with good friends, they laid me down in their bed, gave me advil, and made sure i didnt die. The next morning i looked in the back of the inside of the shirt I was wearing, and it was written "try not to die. it hurts" under the size and washing instruction labels. weird eh?

    lesson: dont use alcohol in your Hookahs.

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    I was laying some lawn to make a nice safe place for the kids to play. My youngest (then 15 months old) was happily making mud pies and eating worms in a far corner. To cut the turf I was using a bread knife and then there was this scream. He’d snuck up behind me and put his left hand under the turf just as I was cutting. Rushed to A&E and because of the dirt he had to have plastic surgery. It’s lucky he has a tiny scar, because I did saw halfway through one bone, and that he did not lose any motor function, as it turned out he’s left handed.

  6. #5
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    I was working for parks and recreation one summer and one of my duties was to head to other close towns within the district and cut park lawns etc. I had JUST got my license that summer and before then had NO experience driving on highways at all.

    What does my supervisor do? Puts me in a huge truck with a 20ft+ trailer on the back, on top of which is a john deer lawn tractor. eep.

    So I'm heading down the highway. No trouble yet. Going the speed limit, pissing off people behind me...

    OH SHIT, there's a Mennonite on a bike up ahead, on the WHITE LINE on the right. you think he could move over a little onto the pavement, but no he needs to stay on the white line for some reason.

    Transport coming on the opposite lane. Oh crap this isn't gonna be good. I have no idea how much room I have on my far side to give to the Mennonite. I swerve out, over the yellow line, pass the transport and the little man on the bike is still alive. Somehow I'm still alive too.

    Aaarghabappa.

  7. #6
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    Every morning, when i wake up and can't feel my arms. Then i gain a little more consciousness and realize they are only asleep, and a little wiggling will bring them back to normal.

  8. #7
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    1. My friend Ryan Jackson woke up late for his high school exam one cold day in winter. It's a 15min run to school and he's bookin it when he bolts past a small animal. No problem right? It's more scared of him than he is of it and he runs past.

    Except that when this particular animal is scared it sprays a cloud of stinky shit, a fact that escaped Ryan's frozen nose until he reached the auditorium of 200 people. I don' remember if he passed or not.

    2. I was moving a computer tower from one office to another. I went to put it down and heard a horrible ripping sound. Sure enough, my pants had split at the seam from the crotch down to the knees. Without a car, nor money for a cab, I had to take an hour long commute, switching buses to get home, commando.
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    This one wasn't really "my" moment, but it was one I do believe I forced into creation...

    4am. Early spring. San Antonio, TX on the Riverwalk downtown. Me and 3 friends are strolling about, enjoying ourselves as we walk down one side of the river. For those of you unfamiliar with it, the river here has been built on like crazy and is a giant tourist attraction with super high-end hotels and restaurants, bars and shops and such lining the river for quite a few miles.

    On the opposite side of the river, we see another group of young men, though these are the cliche, drunken freshman college type.

    For a reason we still do not understand, one of them took off running, springing down the path. Each side of the river has about 8 feet of stone surface for walking, and no rail so it's all open.

    After he starts running, I said, "I hope he falls..."

    4 steps after speaking those words, he slips, and begins the whole process of falling forward while running. You know how it is, you're still running, but your weight is going to bring you down eventually...

    He runs face first into a fully matured palm tree, removing most of his teeth and face as the base is extremely pointy with serrated scale-type leaves and such. He didn't get back up... at all. By the time we made it across the other side there was only a crushed pile of shrubs, and the remains of his face on the tree and marks where his teeth hit.

    "Oh, SHIT!"
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  10. #9
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    Ilaekae is offline P.O.W.! Leader, Complete Idiot, Super Moderator
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    I'd love to post, but...

    I won't live long enough to get it all out...
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  11. #10
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    One time, I was walking along the edge of a lake, under this big bridge. I'm going along when I look down and see some cloth or something. A second later I yell every cuss word I know as I realize it's a baby fox with its stomach torn open and its ribs sticking out. Heeby jeebies. I'm not a hunter, and I can handle the worst horror movies, but seeing the inside of an animal like that without warning scared the crap out of me.

    We rented bikes in Hawaii. The bike people drive you most of the way up this volcano and then you ride down for about an hour and a half; easiest bike ride ever. So we get to the top and it's raining and foggy. The pedals are pretty bad, but the brakes are good so that's what counts.
    My first "Oh shit," moment was when we were going down one part and I look to my right and see the island of Mauii. It was beautiful and just epic, being that high up.
    Some time later, we're zooming right along when we see other bike-renters up ahead of us and BAM- a little girl's bike swerves out and she eats it going pretty fast. We started to brake to give them some help but she sprang up crying and the first thing she said was "DAD, YOU TOLD ME THAT BLAH blah..." and so we just went on our way laughing.
    The third "Oh shit," moment is yet to come. My pedals, as stated before, suck along with the gears. I have strong legs, though, so when we came to this one little hill I pedaled really hard and made it up, passing my two friends. Once they make it up, their gears work so they just pedal on by laughing at me as I pedal for my life trying to keep up downhill. So they're way down the hill and I'm still coasting at 30 mph alone. A couple cars are behind me. I start thinking about how many people rent these bikes and how these people have to put up with this almost every day, so I try to go to the right a little bit to give them room to drive by.
    However, there's no bike lane. The road goes off into grass and gravel and dirt.
    I look back and see this truck pretty close behind me. My front tire goes over the edge. I ease onto the brakes but my bike starts wobbling like crazy so I slam on both, but too late. Oh shit.
    The next thing I know all I see is black (inside of the dirt bike helmet as I flip over the handle bars) and then my left elbow and hand hit the pavement immediately followed by my head.
    I roll a bit until I come to a stop. Luckily I had been reading about how people survive falling out of buildings and planes (it's interesting damnit!) a week or so earlier, so I just relaxed my body as all of this happened. Of course this all happened less than a second. So what it looked like from my perspective was: riding my bike, blur, pain, pavement. Time does seem like it slows down though, lol.
    Anyway. I hear a bunch of screeching and car doors closing. I try to roll over to the side of the road when two guys lift me up, take off my helmet and rest my head on a beat-up traffic cone. So here I am lying on the side of the road in shock just like "What the fu...?"
    They gave me some water and took off my jackets. The fall sent a bunch of rocks into my left palm, and both jackets were ripped through at the elbow, along with my elbow which was covered in blood. My neck was really swollen and felt weird, too.
    A couple seconds later my friends come running up the hill. A guy and his kid who lived on the street took me inside and gave me some medicine and water and a ride back to the bike-rental place. The guy ended up being in the Peace Corps when he was younger. When they were removing land mines somewhere, a bunch of bandits shot them up. He got hit in the shoulder, so he was telling be how to deal with the shock and such.
    The scariest "Oh shit," moments, though, were when I first hit the ground and saw the cars coming at me, and then later when I was walking and my vision went really bright and blurry, my head was throbbing, and I felt like I was going to pass out.

    If you read all that (I rambled...), good for you!

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    I recently discovered I get migraines when we're descending in an airplane. God, it's the worst. I was just sitting there when I feel like a beetle or something is trying to tear out of my forehead. My eyes watered a little and I had to bite the inside of my cheeks. It was scary because I didn't know what was happening and was just thinking my eye was going to explode or my brain was expanding or something. I got some medicine when we landed, though.

  12. #11
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    I was cycling down quite a steep hill on my way back from work one day, I had a racer bike with the curved handlebars. I was going quite fast, thinking about other shit. All of a sudden i see that one of my handbrakes has come loose and is danglign next to the wheel. I have time to think

    "that cant be good" and the then brake goes in to the spokes. WHAM!

    I literally stop on a dime. and hit the pavement head first. The bike goes over my head and lands about 10 feet away. I get up, Im furious for some reason so I march over to the bike, lift it up and throw it against a tree, then into the nearby river. Then I march home. People are crossing hte street to avoid me. My entire front is covered with blood, and my two front teeth are broken. I get home and try and call my mom to drive me to the hospital, but i cant speak, so i just make noises. She gets it and all is well.

    Next one, me and my bro are gonna go watch the org tril STAR WARS marathon at the local cinema, were all excited and have a few drinks before in my flat. I had one of those old stereo cabinets with a glass door, parquet floor and no socks on (sticky) i take one step to change the music, open the glass door, and splotch,

    The glass door, chipped at the bottom slices the entire top part of my foot open. I emidiatley go in to the bathroom and put my foot under the tap int eh bath. my bro cleans up the massive puddle of blood. I was a litttle drunk, so i was like , oh ill be fine, just put some gauze on it and go to the movies. the incision is about 3i inches long and a half inch deep. my said plan in action, i put on a sock on the bleeding foot, then bend down to get the other. In that time the blood is already pddling round my foot.

    So we go to the hospital. On the back of my bros bicycle.

    We get there, the docs a real old dude, we gives me an injection (hes shaking like Mohammad Ali by the way) and sutures it up.

    A few weeks later, i notice that my big toe isn't responding to any muscle action. Its basically just dangling there. I go back, and the new doc says

    "oh didn't the other doc check to see if any of the tendons were cut?"

    they had to slice open the newly healed wound, reattach the tendons, and then i had a cast for the rest of the summer. The pain was incredible. The cast was "open" on top, basically just gauze. I get back home after the operation, spending some time at my parents place. About to grill some meat, and my mom drops a log about 10 inches from my foot. Thats when i thought "oh shit"

    And then the time i had a swollen lymph node the size of a hens egg removed from my leg (near the peenis) anyways, the doc asks me if i can clean and dress the suture myself, I was like sure no problem, imagining that it was some tidy little stitching. Int he toilet, take of the bandage, and there are 15 metal STAPLES in my body! I almost passed out in the toilet. "OH SHIT!!"
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    Quote Originally Posted by Slash View Post
    Every morning, when i wake up and can't feel my arms. Then i gain a little more consciousness and realize they are only asleep, and a little wiggling will bring them back to normal.
    oh man, then you get that incredibly painful "blood coming back in to your shriveled up blood vessels"
    man thats the kind of pain you just have to anticipate, thinking, ok in about ten seconds im gonna be in agony, then its gonna pass.
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  14. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by timpaatkins View Post
    oh man, then you get that incredibly painful "blood coming back in to your shriveled up blood vessels"
    man thats the kind of pain you just have to anticipate, thinking, ok in about ten seconds im gonna be in agony, then its gonna pass.
    Really? I wouldn't consider having your arms fall asleep painful. I think it's kind of fun to pinch myself really hard for ten seconds and not feel anything.
    Next time I should try to draw with my arms asleep. XD

  15. #14
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    chriskot is offline non-dishwasher safe, keep away from open flame
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    Today, I was sitting on a bench, eating lunch. I was just drinking my Coke and staring at a building when out of nowhere I get struck by spontaneous pain. Basically, it felt like I had gotten cramps in all of my chest, abdominal and facial muscles simultaneously, not to mention the additional discomfort of choking on my drink because of my startled reaction. It was genuinely frightening for about four seconds, then it went away. I have no idea what happened.

    When I was 13, I got a new bike for my birthday. A couple of months later, I tried to take a turn in front of our house too fast, and the wheels slid out on the gravel. I fell, but I got back up pretty quickly, stinging all over. I only noticed that I had scraped my knees and the palms of my hands a bit, so I just got back up and picked my bike up. My mom and my little brother ran over to see if I was okay and my mom was helping me straighten out the handlebars when my bro said "Whoa! Christopher! Look at your elbow!". I did. It seems as though I had ended up scraping most of the skin off of it and was now bleeding profusely down my arm. It wasn't so much an "Oh no!" moment as a "Holy crap, how the hell did I not notice that?!" moment. I still have a big scar there.

    It seems that more "Oh no" moments happen to my friends than me. Once, two of my friends were at a big party hosted by a female friend of theirs. At around 2:00am, they were the last ones to leave the house and, with the most unlucky timing possible, that's when their friend's older brother got home. From what I heard, her older brother did not know about the party because he was coming home from a prison sentence for cocaine dealing and assault. When he saw them walking out of the house at 2:00am, he basically assumed that they were there for no good reason. His course of action on the matter was not to go inside and ask his sister what happened, but to chase them down the street screaming. They escaped unharmed after a half-kilometer or so, but I'm pretty sure that being chased through a suburban neighborhood at night by an ex-con qualifies as an "Oh no" moment.

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    1st oh no moment:

    So i'm riding down the a town call rainham on my bike, its pretty much all downhill from my place, i reach my school at the time and next to it, are rows of houses and a driveway leading round the back to the garages. I always slow down at this part incase a car is coming, needless to say, nothing ever does come outta it, anyway, i'm in a hurry so i just wing it and decide not to slow down.... you guessed it, car comes out, 'oh shit!' i slam on the brakes, fly over the handle bars, somehow land on my feet in the most awesomely ninja way possible and just stand there for a few seconds in shock while my bike flips onto the car, coming down pretty hard, i dunno if it dent it or not, but the woman had a really dreamy expression on her face and just waved me on.....

    2nd oh shit moment:

    my grandparents had a dog named bobby, it was a fair few years ago when they still lived in the area, so anyway, i'm at their house while they and my mum are out somewhere. i'm trying to get some enjoyment out of playing a very slow game of redalert 2 on their shitty pc when i suddenly get hungry, so i decide to rectify that and go get some munch. after i've found something ill eat i turn and see bobby laying in the corner, i go over to pet him a bit (i'm a huge animal fan) and afterwards i go to kiss him on top of his head and CHOMP! he strikes like a cobra! and hides away looking all guilty, i'm in shock and go look in the mirror, only seems like a little scratch, some blood, so i get some tissue and dap it about and go back to playing my game. about an hour later they come home andsee my face...my god, the hysterics!, gmas ranting and raving and crying and asking me if i want the dog put down, i'm telling her noway! gpas all calm and smiling and that wisdomy way, mums calling dad and eventually i get to the hospital with my parents, wait for fucking ages, and finally get a doctor to check me out, turns out the hole is huge, and i only have a little flap of skin between the inside and outside of my cheek lol they need to clean it and tell me its gonna sting a little... i never felt pain till that point.......oh shit...nearly broke my mums hand


  17. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by IanE View Post
    He runs face first into a fully matured palm tree, removing most of his teeth and face as the base is extremely pointy with serrated scale-type leaves and such. He didn't get back up... at all. By the time we made it across the other side there was only a crushed pile of shrubs, and the remains of his face on the tree and marks where his teeth hit.

    "Oh, SHIT!"
    Hahahaha you pretty much wished a person to die, and he did. Awesome haha, that will probably stay with you for the rest of your life haha. But don't worry, it was just bad luck that he actualy fell and died. How many times have you told people to fall and they didn't? probably a lot.



    Anyways here is a story of how me and my friends got a gun pulled on us. There is 3 of us, we are drunk after a night at a bar. We go outside the bar to leave and see like 8 douchebags. The less bright of our group decided to have a conversation with them about weed. Except they weren't fans so they said that weed is for faggots. My stupid friend however wanted to defend his point, despite there being 8 of them and called them faggots.

    At the time I was on a bench laughing really hard because I don't really give a fuck, and found the entire situation fairly funny. Either way one of the 8 kids slaps my friend and says theyv got a gun on him. I burst out laughing as hard as I can, so to prove it to me one of them lifts up his sweater and takes out a gun.

    but. the gun is diamond studded.

    That little factoid had me laughing untill there were tears in my eyes, and the 8 kids were just confused and didn't know what to do with me. I was imagining how this douchebag bought the gun from some dealer, and then went to a dollar store to get plastic diamonds and super glue. and then spend like 2 hours at home gluing all the sparkles and shit on.

    it gets worse though, it turns out the gun wasnt real. so basically before heading out to a bar with his friends the douche actualy bought a plastic toy gun, and then glued diamonds on it, and put that under his jeans before heading out.

    Try to think of a more classicaly douchier thing to do? I don't believe such a thing exists.

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    I was back home from San Francisco, and I was assured by my dad that the car's been through maintenance and an oil change. However, it felt a little weird, but I dismissed it as not driving for several months.

    The one day I pulled out of the driveway and was heading up a really steep hill in the neighborhood, and my transmission died midway.

    I thought it's alright to push a bit harder on the gas to get home, but then it started to roll backwards, on Drive.

    Luckily there's only one car coming around the corner and I had to park backwards into a curb. xP

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    Quote Originally Posted by IanE View Post
    After he starts running, I said, "I hope he falls..."

    He runs face first into a fully matured palm tree, removing most of his teeth and face as the base is extremely pointy with serrated scale-type leaves and such. He didn't get back up... at all. By the time we made it across the other side there was only a crushed pile of shrubs, and the remains of his face on the tree and marks where his teeth hit.
    Wow, that one's really quite horrific. As for the prophetic 'I hope he falls...', maybe you have telepathic powers like Carrie...
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    Had to wear some really tight trousers for an interview once. Girlfriend gave me a lift in her car to the place, finished the interview but we began to get lost. So we parked up and checked the map, nope, still lost. Saw some guy get out his car near us so I dashed for the door handle to ask him for directions and stepped out of the car. Totally forgot I undone my belt and trousers on the way home. They fell straight to the floor mid sentence. Ya, his face said it all. He never gave me those directions.
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    weee, great stories guys.

    i've got a TON.

    1. a few years back, when i was living in dallas, i had been out drinking all night. came home around 2:30 in the morning to my 3'rd floor apartment... only, i was at the wrong building. they all looked the same!
    so i've got my key in the door, jiggling it back and fourth, shaking it, cursing, wondering why my key wasn't working, THEN i looked up at the number and realize i was a the wrong apartment, pulled my key out and the door started to open... and out snaked a 357 magnum pointed at my chest.
    i acted without thinking, leaned to the right and jerked my left arm up, grabbed the barrel of the gun and BOOM it went off and grazed my left arm!
    i pulled it from his hand and threw it off the balcony and RAN as fast as i could. haha
    i was fine. i just have this 2 inch long scar on my arm thats about a half inch wide, and about a quarter inch DEEP.

    2.
    i was in hawaii for christmas a few years back vising a friend of mine in honalulu. i took 12 days off for this trip, i was excited.
    so on day one, my buddy and i rented mopeds.
    on day 3 we're cruising up the side of this mountain and we're hearing this weird gravely/screetchy sound... couldn't quite place it but it was getting closer and closer...
    i was ahead of him and saw it first, it was a red sports car DRIFTING down the side of this mountain!
    to make a long story short, mopeds are NO GOOD off road.
    i broke my left ankle.
    told the doc, "no, you're not putting me in a cast, this is day 3 of my 12 day vacation and i haven't even swam in the ocean yet"
    he said "cool. we'll just wrap it up"

    next day we were back on the mopeds, all over the island. i just had to make sure i leaned to the right when we stopped.

    3.
    about a year later, when my left ankle was healed, i started skateboarding again.

    i was feeling pretty good, pulling off my usual bag of tricks.
    then one night my co-workers said they were going to skate this miniramp out in front of the 9star store in santa monica. sweet, i've never skated in a ramp before, only street. i was excited.
    this kinda pisses me of though because i TOLD THEM i had never dropped in before.
    anyway, i bought a helmet, signed a waver, and climbed up on top of the ramp. they gave me a few tips, and i tried to drop in, didn't commit and slid down on my butt. no biggie, try again.
    same thing happened the second time, i commited more but not enough. slid down on my ass, no biggie, try again.
    this time i said "ok, this time im gonna commit"
    and i did.
    but things went a little wrong... first off, i was a little too far back on my board, too much weight on the tail that was pulling up the front end a little bit, and my TOE was sticking out over the edge... just as i was going through the transition to the flat part, the tip of my toe hit the ramp and my right foot did a 180.
    needless to say i had to go to the hospital.
    drove myself there left footed.
    they said i broke every bone down there, the only thing holding my foot onto my leg was skin, tendons and whatnot.
    had to have surgery, now i've got 2 metal plates and about 13 screws down there.

    4.
    back in highshcool a friend of mine threw a HUGE party.
    really late into the night, we all ended up in his bedroom high as fuck, about 30 of us crammed into this tiny room, shoulder to shoulder, passing around about 5 joints at once.. we were all stoned out of our minds.
    i just remember looking across the room and seeing a sea of heads poking up through a layer of smoke about 3 feet thick.
    then all of a sudden bright lights shined through the window onto the wall.
    all in unison every head turned to the window... the lights shut off and we all saw the cop car, but we were all too high to respond... haha
    the cops got out... walked to the front door... rang the doorbell...
    then BOOM, everyone snapped out of it at once! it was total panic! people crawling out windows, running out the back doors, the kitchen door, the garage, out the FRONT DOOR PAST THE COPS!!! hahalhha
    i had crawled out a window and was half way down the block when i looked back at the cops laughing their asses off.
    haha
    some of my friends had ran through this creek in the back and through the woods, found them the next day covered in mud and leaves, hung over, hah, it was hilarious.

    i've got a lot more, but i cant tell them all right now.
    i have to get to work!!

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  23. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ilaekae View Post
    I'd love to post, but...

    I won't live long enough to get it all out...
    Awww, kitty, but I want to hear about your crazy time behind enemy lines during WWII and your gay nazi friends!

  24. #22
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    I have to pull a 12 hour shift today. Im giving a 5pm-9pm lectures then a 9pm-5am studio time. Ill be home tomorrow 0_0 oh no!
    Site
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    "it's much easier to scale up from simplicity than to scale back from complexity"

  25. #23
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    Reading this is making me aware of just how lucky I am. I suppose the biggest "Oh shit" moment I had was when my wife gave birth. After the night of contractions and all that, finally around 7 AM little Andrew's head crowns, and when he comes out, he's all blue and quiet. I'm thinking, oh shit, after 9 months and all this effort he better not.... Then a nurse took a little suction thingy to his mouth, cleaned him out and he started crying, perfectly healthy. The whole time I was just smiling big as possible for my wife.

    I saw a man on a bike get hit by a car (more knocked off balance than a direct hit). At the time I didn't have a cell phone or any real way to help. He'd lost his cigarette somewhere between midair and the asphalt, and started calling for it, so I picked it up and put it to his mouth. Something for him to do before the ambulance got there. Ever since I've carried a first aid kit in my backpack.

    I may have more stories, but I've got such a bad memory. I'll ponder more...

  26. #24
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    Once painting in the village in nyc by a fountain, I was noodling away, and i noticed that loads of homeless people where congregating to the left of me, drunk and loud. I thought fuck it, ill stay, and turned the volume up on my mp3 player. 5 min later i look up and there is a massive fight between them. Im sitting 5 meters from them on a tiny three legged chair, thinking, im gonna get killed painting in nyc. whats mom gonna say...
    [url=http://galleryonefone.blogspot.com[/url] This would be my gallery in Sweden

    This would be my Pleine Air blog

  27. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by complete2 View Post

    1. a few years back, when i was living in dallas, i had been out drinking all night. came home around 2:30 in the morning to my 3'rd floor apartment... only, i was at the wrong building. they all looked the same!
    so i've got my key in the door, jiggling it back and fourth, shaking it, cursing, wondering why my key wasn't working, THEN i looked up at the number and realize i was a the wrong apartment, pulled my key out and the door started to open... and out snaked a 357 magnum pointed at my chest.
    i acted without thinking, leaned to the right and jerked my left arm up, grabbed the barrel of the gun and BOOM it went off and grazed my left arm!
    i pulled it from his hand and threw it off the balcony and RAN as fast as i could. haha
    i was fine. i just have this 2 inch long scar on my arm thats about a half inch wide, and about a quarter inch DEEP.

    Hahahaha, that is pretty solid, you pretty much got shot by one of the manliest guns ever. And i thought my diamond studded gun story was good.

    question though, why is there a balcony in the hallway of the apt building?

  28. #26
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    the buildings were split down the middle, outside stairs and landings connecting them.

    i said balcony, i meant the landing at the top of the stairs.

  29. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by Slash View Post
    Every morning, when i wake up and can't feel my arms. Then i gain a little more consciousness and realize they are only asleep, and a little wiggling will bring them back to normal.
    i get this all the time, especially with my left arm (happened just this morning, as a matter of fact). i cant feel it at all, and it takes quite a bit of effort to pop it back into joint and let the blood flow continue. often its a bad idea to try and scratch your face with that dead arm, because you've got no control of it, and quite often i've almost gotten blood noses from my hand going WHACK! haha

  30. #28
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    Well we set out to the middle of a lake on air mattresses right when night fell. We set up the tent right away to bake it out. I don't know how long past in the tent, maybe 30 minutes maybe an hour - but we're all choking on smoke baked out of our fucking minds. And we had no idea it started raining sometime after we closed up the tent!(We had a stereo on loud too.) We're in the middle of a lake, air mattresses already deflated on a small sandy beach island about 2 inches above water. We didn't notice anything untill some sweaters in the corner started moving, and the bottom of our tent soon became a water bed with 5 freaked out stoners on it. Mind you - 3 out of 5 people in the tent, have NEVER been high before and we're all about 16-17.

    We jump out of the tent, it's pitch dark aside from lantern light. Looking around now, the island is completely GONE. Covered by about 4 inches of water. So it kind of looks like we're walking on water in the middle of a lake at night with no visible land in sight. One of our friends started screaming "Put on your god damn life vests now!!(felt like i was in a movie when he was sceaming lol, i pictured the perfect storm.)" Another friend decided to start swimming already. "WAIT! Where the fuck is [insert name here]?!" I was just off on the side laughing hystarically at the pandemonium.

    The night ended with us baking out in our friends big white van back on land eating boxes of cheez-its. God damn I miss being a stoner sometimes..Not as intense as other stories here -But how my friends reacted was definitely intense...And funny as fuck.
    Last edited by Nopig; September 7th, 2008 at 03:21 AM.

  31. #29
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    ok, i've got some free time now
    share a few more

    ok, little backstory on me:
    i kinda grew up in a biker gang.
    my mom was a crazy biker mom, heroin addict, meth head, rode a harley, drank too much, etc. i grew up in that world so i've got a lot of "oh shit" moments from my past.

    the earliest i remember was when we were living with this dude who went by "snake"
    yes, he had a lot of pet snakes. thats why they called him snake. haha
    anyway, i was pretty little at the time, i remember sitting on the living room floor playing with my gi joes when what looks like a brick busts through the window by the door, and another through the kitchen window behind me, and i hear glass breaking in other rooms of the house. then the room completely fills with smoke and the front door kicks in: what looks like the swat team pours in with helmets on, automatic weapons, shields, the works.
    one of the cops grabs me and carries me outside, then they bring "snake" out in handcuffs kicking and screaming about "who the fuck is gonna feed my snakes?!!?"
    my mom comes running in from down the fucking street! she had no idea what was going on, i think she had gone out for cigarettes. well, we left when nobody was paying attention.


    few years later we were living with this crazy dude named Jerry, fucker looked exactly like charles manson, and when we went on rallies he drew the swastika on his forehead. haha
    anyway, this crazy fuck had a meth lab in his garage.
    it was my chore to take care of the dogs, 13 pit bulls, all of em loved me to death. and i loved them too... i miss them...
    anyway, to make a really long story short, there was this dude who was supposed to be Jerry's friend, ended up stealing one of Jerry's bikes. a really nice chopper he had built from the ground up. Jerry was PISSED.
    so this dude has the nerve to SHOW UP AT HIS HOUSE! i was there, petting bitch (one of the pit bulls) when he showed.
    when he was walking up the yard i saw that he had a knife held against his leg, so when Jerry stepped out the front door i whispered to him "he has a knife". he said "thanks kid" and walked out to meet him.
    jerry walked up to him all nonchalant, big smile on his face, "heyyyy, how you doin man, haven't seen you in awhile! how ya been?"
    the next thing i know, BOOM, Jerry had smacked the dude in the face with a crowbar, it was hidden by the gate. then jerry started stomping the dudes face... it was brutal. jerry with his big ass motorcycle boots on, he had even put his meeting rings on, big fucking rings, fucked this dude up right in front of me. for about 15 minutes jerry beat on this dude, then walked away.
    the guy wasn't moving. jerry went into the house and got on the phone, covered with blood. i walked over to get a look at the guy... unrecognizable. the guy was totally fucked up. about 20minutes later a van pulled up full of mexicans, they picked up the guy and put him in the van.
    and that was that.

    also during the time we lived with that dude, my mom was the bartender/bouncer at blueberry hill, the biker bar down the street.
    every day after school i would go there to hang out. haha, i saw so much fucked up shit there, but it was also a lot of fun. i got to drink when i was WAY under age, plus, i was on the DART TEAM. haha, we had a blast.
    anyway, fights broke out there all the time, that was nothing new. but this one night, it got a little out of hand, and when fights broke out, the rules were i had to go to the back of the bar. so i ran to the back and got on top of a table so i could watch the chaos.
    the fight was crazy, tables and chairs flying, broken bottles, etc. then it was like slow motion... i see this un-opened beer bottle flying through the air, end over end... right at my mom.
    it bounced off her tit and smashed against the wall.
    i was like "oh shit"
    the next thing i know, my mom (who wasn't a small lady mind you) was over that bar in the blink of an eye, jumped right in the middle of the fight, yes, in the middle of a fight between about 6 GROWN MEN, and proceeded to beat the shit out of EVERYONE. i swear on my mothers ashes (she died last year), NOBODY could stop her, she was like a machine! she took on all six of em and fucking won. it was crazy.

    years and years later, after my mom was clean and sober, i had grown up and was living on my own, had already graduated college, i was dating this girl Donna for about 2 months. (funny thing, my moms name is donna. haha)
    sooo, i had asked Donna if she wanted to meet my mom. she was excited to, even after hearing all the crazy stories.
    so we drove out the Azle tx to give her a visit.
    now, i didn;t have a car at the time so we took Donna's, and i warned her before we got there that my mom would probably ask her to give her a lift to the store to buy some cigarettes, or buy some cokes, or buy something. thats just the way my mom was, and sure enough she did.
    we all hop in the car, my mom in the passenger seat, me in the backseat, it was a 2seater with a half back seat, so i was all hunched over.
    so, we're pulling into the gas station and this asshole is driving over to the air pumps in his way too big truck, and he gets pissed off at Donna because he thinks she's in the way, so he says out the window as he passes "fucking bitch" and keeps on driving.
    immediately, without any hesitation, my mom is out the door running through the parking lot, i cant get the fucking seat up to get out, and donna's freaking out " what the fuck is going on?!!??!"
    i told her, "MY MOM IS GONNA KICK THAT GUYS ASS!!!"
    finally the latch gave and i was able to get out
    i ran over and finally caught up with my mom and she's got the guy by the throat pulled half way out the window of his truck hanging upside down, yelling in his face at the top of her lungs "DONT YOU EVER CALL MY DAUGHTER IN LAW A BITCH YOU MOTHER FUCKER I'LL KILL YOU AND YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY!!!"
    HAHAHAH
    mind you, i had only been dating donna for about 2 months, and my mom met her about 5 minutes before this!
    so i calmed everyone down, everything was cool. the guy was fine, just a little red in the face.


    man, i've got so many more...
    wish i had more time. i gotta go to bed.
    see you guys tomorrow.
    Last edited by TheDirtSyndicate; September 7th, 2008 at 04:14 AM.

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  33. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by Slash View Post
    Every morning, when i wake up and can't feel my arms. Then i gain a little more consciousness and realize they are only asleep, and a little wiggling will bring them back to normal.
    Quote Originally Posted by stoph View Post
    i get this all the time, especially with my left arm (happened just this morning, as a matter of fact). i cant feel it at all, and it takes quite a bit of effort to pop it back into joint and let the blood flow continue. often its a bad idea to try and scratch your face with that dead arm, because you've got no control of it, and quite often i've almost gotten blood noses from my hand going WHACK! haha
    I can beat you both! I woke up with both arms dead asleep underneath me and had to pee extremely bad. I got to the toilet and tried my best to use my dead arms to pull my underwear down (I kept trying to laugh with all the pain). I almost gave up and got in the shower, but then lucked out and got them down far enough. I had to lean over so I could aim properly and try not to pee on my dangling arms. True story.

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