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  1. #1
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    I got Rookie jokes!

    [link]

    So, what needs the most work?

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    Last edited by Psychotime; July 27th, 2008 at 03:45 PM.
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  2. #2
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    ...are you looking for a crit at all? Or just posting this here for the hell of it?

    M

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  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by Molly View Post
    ...are you looking for a crit at all? Or just posting this here for the hell of it?

    M
    The former.

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  4. #4
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    I don't know who Leo is.

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  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Speedy View Post
    I don't know who Leo is.
    Anyone would if I explained the joke, but that's not what it's here for.

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  6. #6
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    So, what do you want a crit on? Line work, composition?

    The image is fine; the line work- fine and composition too. I suppose a better, more constructive crit would be given once colour is added. But seeing as this image is rather stylised, it seems to work well in b/w....

    M

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  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Molly View Post
    So, what do you want a crit on? Line work, composition?

    The image is fine; the line work- fine and composition too. I suppose a better, more constructive crit would be given once colour is added. But seeing as this image is rather stylised, it seems to work well in b/w....

    M
    The intent WAS black and white. Anything specific I need to work on?

    Last edited by Psychotime; July 27th, 2008 at 02:05 PM.
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    It's hard to know what you're going for with this thing since you won't provide any information about it. (Is this for a friend, school newspaper, national publication... Is it someone you know? Is he supposed to look angry? stressed? crazy?)

    The composition is fine. If it's designed for general viewing then the slogan doesn't make sense. If it's an inside joke that the target audience will understand then that's fine.

    My opinion on the character: The neck nose and lips are the most confidently executed parts in my opinion. the eyes are ok. the eyebrows could probably do with a bit of a curve. The hair could probably use a little more detail and the ear is a little distracting due to it's due to the fact that there is no central hole.

    The front few upper teeth create a tangent with the line that defines the far side of his mouth. Also those same teeth seem a little sloppy compared to the rest of the teeth.

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  10. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by PsiBug View Post
    It's hard to know what you're going for with this thing since you won't provide any information about it. (Is this for a friend, school newspaper, national publication... Is it someone you know? Is he supposed to look angry? stressed? crazy?)
    I drew it because I should have done so years ago. I usually draw for myself. Maybe I should color it so you can tell who it is...

    Quote Originally Posted by PsiBug View Post
    The composition is fine. If it's designed for general viewing then the slogan doesn't make sense. If it's an inside joke that the target audience will understand then that's fine.
    Inside jokes are my thing.

    Quote Originally Posted by PsiBug View Post
    My opinion on the character: The neck nose and lips are the most confidently executed parts in my opinion. the eyes are ok. the eyebrows could probably do with a bit of a curve. The hair could probably use a little more detail and the ear is a little distracting due to it's due to the fact that there is no central hole.

    The front few upper teeth create a tangent with the line that defines the far side of his mouth. Also those same teeth seem a little sloppy compared to the rest of the teeth.
    Can you explain what you mean by sloppy?

    Thanks, this is the kind of critique I'm looking for.

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  11. #10
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    I hope none of this will sound like it was typed with a "smart-ass" tone. I'm just trying to answer things clearly.

    Quote Originally Posted by Psychotime View Post
    I drew it because I should have done so years ago. I usually draw for myself.
    The idea that you should have drawn it years ago does not help me understand what the drawing will be used for, who the audience is, or whether the style is appropriate.

    Quote Originally Posted by Psychotime View Post
    Maybe I should color it so you can tell who it is...
    That response helps me. If it's supposed to be recognizable then the likeness may need more work.


    [quote=Psychotime;1856498]Inside jokes are my thing.[quote] That response helps a little, at least we know that we aren't supposed to "get it". In future threads, you might want to just explain the inside joke so we can critique more effectively.

    Quote Originally Posted by Psychotime View Post
    Can you explain what you mean by sloppy?
    Sure. I mean that those three teeth seem a little misshapen and irregularly sized compared to the others. It also looks like 1 or two lines don't completely . I'm not sure there needs to be a change. I was just looking for areas that didn't seem as strong as the rest.

    Quote Originally Posted by Psychotime View Post
    Thanks, this is the kind of critique I'm looking for.
    I think the ear hole thing and maybe the eyebrows are the points I would address if this was my drawing. But I'm just some art monkey so what do I know?

    Thanks for sharing this art.

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  13. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by PsiBug View Post
    That response helps me. If it's supposed to be recognizable then the likeness may need more work.
    Can you tell now?

    The reference is to a Ninja Turtle episode.

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    You drew a funny cartoon of the guy.

    However, you need to make the funny actually funny. So minus 1200 cool points from your current CoolPoint™ score... leaving your CoolPoint™ grand total at negative one million four hundred twenty thousand six hundred and twenty two. (Sadly, the more one tries to be cool, the more cool points are subtracted. Funny how that works.)

    At least Icarus tried!


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  15. #13
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    I recognized who it was in the b&w thumbnail, but that still doesn't make the joke work for me. Was there a crossover somewhere??

    Artwise, I'll give you a couple on inking. The halo is pretty unnecessary as he has no spot blacks to compete with the background. Seems like you just didn't want to let the precious outline go to waste. Stylistically it works for me when colored, but not b&w. It might be good to get out of the habit of preserving the contour with a halo, because it sometimes interrupts the flow of a scene AND you can do some pretty great work when characters merge with the spot blacks (a la Mignola).

    On the interior I'd like to see some more line weight...like you started to do with his nose. It would really make all those facial stylization lines pop.

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  17. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mirana View Post
    I recognized who it was in the b&w thumbnail, but that still doesn't make the joke work for me. Was there a crossover somewhere??
    I never expect for the jokes work.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mirana View Post
    Artwise, I'll give you a couple on inking. The halo is pretty unnecessary as he has no spot blacks to compete with the background. Seems like you just didn't want to let the precious outline go to waste. Stylistically it works for me when colored, but not b&w. It might be good to get out of the habit of preserving the contour with a halo, because it sometimes interrupts the flow of a scene AND you can do some pretty great work when characters merge with the spot blacks (a la Mignola).
    I'm pretty sure this is the only time I've done the halo thing. I'll keep this in mind. Also, I AM a fan of Mignola...

    Quote Originally Posted by Mirana View Post
    On the interior I'd like to see some more line weight...like you started to do with his nose. It would really make all those facial stylization lines pop.
    Will do.

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    Again.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Psychotime View Post
    Also, I AM a fan of Mignola...
    Who isn't, right?

    The update is very cool. The line weight works well.

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  21. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mirana View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Psychotime View Post
    Also, I AM a fan of Mignola...
    Who isn't, right?
    ME! 8D

    and you've done a cartoony style; I expect celshading.

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  22. #18
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    *GASP!* That's blastphemy, waranghira!

    You know, I did think a little flat shade would be nice on the hair and collar, but...just being flats didn't hurt it for me.

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  23. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mirana View Post
    *GASP!* That's blastphemy, waranghira!

    You know, I did think a little flat shade would be nice on the hair and collar, but...just being flats didn't hurt it for me.
    well, it seems to me that it lacks shadows. Black parts or just simple celshade would do for me.

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