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Looks cartoony i know, but im done with this one, just a quick speed
About 1 hour
The main problem with this drawing is that it's rather flat. His clothes show no evidence of an actual light source ,are just black and barely shaded. The strokes on the inside of his jacket appear random and distractive. Eyes are especially flat (and the eyes can make or break a portrait). The neck could be darker, to bring out the head.
You understand compostion and anatomy, so that's a plus. Skin color looks good too. My main piece of advice for you is just pick a light source. And don't be afraid to use a little bit more contrast.
Hope it helped,
Warning: Severely outdated
Yes it really did, and your advice is totally correct, ill work on making it less flat today when i get back from school
Thanks for the advice, i love it
Kyron's got good advice up there, so I'll just give you a small note. Put some lighting on that cap, the flatness of the cap was one of the first things I noticed. Even black things have some varying degrees of black, though they tend to be more subtle. On a smaller anal note, watch the stripes on the bill of the cap, if I remember correctly, the bill is usually a bit curved so the shape and stripes aren't convincing me right now. It also looks like it could use some more thickness to it.