Brainwashed about painting...
Alright, Iím at a breaking point. I honestly donít know what to do here. I constantly come home and try to paint. Itís been like this since I was a senior in highschool. I am now a sophomore in college and I still canít paint. Iíve tried pointless times only to get my work looking like this:
I constantly come home and try painting; and I always fail at it. It's to a point now where I'm missing homework in my college classes. I'm going to school for programming and I spend more time trying to learn to paint. I can't help it I really want to learn how to do it. I've read countless books on it, One of them was Color and Light: A guide for the realistic painter by James Gurney and I still don't understand how to paint.
I've used programs like Paint Tool Sai, Photoshop, and Corel painter 12 and I have even gotten a Intuos 4 small tablet. I've labeled it down to feeling comfortable using paint tool sai and photoshop. I try to adjust my settings as I paint to get my colors to blend well. I've focused more on trying to also prevent myself from overblending or try to make sure my colors would work with the painting; But, it always come out looking like this:
I find myself leaning more to livestreams' now, which in turn puts me in a state of euphoria. I see the wonderful paintings the artist make and I immediately feel like I know what I'm doing. I get delighted until I get to painting myself. Anxiety begins to hit me in the head and everything I once knew about painting disperses from my mind and I am left guessing where everything should go. I really feel I should give up, but it's not that easy. I hate myself because I can't do it. My days have now consisted of me searching for tutorials, Saving artwork, watching streams, or constantly asking for help from people who will not help with painting as I dig a deep hole of depression.
I need help, but I don't know exactly where to turn too. I'm 21 and I don't have the ability to afford life drawing classes or take on art as a second major. Even if I did, I wouldn't know where to find it in the location I am currently at. I'm just not satisfied with my sub-par work. I also know that to mold a great artist it takes time, but I need assistance to help me with my work.
I constantly view an artist named Alien on the internet. I also constantly ask for assistance from the artist from South Korea on Facebook. Even-though there is a language barrier, he is still able to help me to some degree and I am very honored-- but I feel that I need more assistance to help me with my work. I would sacrifice anything in the world just to learn how to paint...
I'm tired of turning in work that looks like this: