artist statment help (updated)

[AdamDillabo]

i am writing an artist statement to go along with a proposal to a gallery and i would like some experienced help on the issue. im just not sure what i should say and what i would leave out. for the show i want to blow up some of my sketch book pages and matte them but i dont know how to describe this work with out making it sound dumb. heres what i have so far.



Within my artwork, I like to work with the theme of humans rejecting nature and bringing self-destructive problems onto their species. I prefer to view things as a scientist looking into the world. When you distance your self from the source, it is easier to see the whole picture. When you disconnect your self from your specimen, its faults are noticed effortlessly. Within humanity, we construct these problems. Wars and global warming fall under these problems and will lead to the destruction of many lives. In my work and throughout my studies I have noticed humans like to invent machines they do not need and then rely on them heavily i.e. the Calculator. To illustrate this and the idea of humans rejecting nature, I like to mix very organic forums with hard ridged mechanics such as gears. In my more personal work I like to focus on technology as well as pop culture references from the internet, TV and movies. For me it is an escape from what can be viewed as disheartening themes. However it’s not that I am pessimistic or have a god complex, I am just a realist.


any suggestions what so ever are very welcome and i wait for them with open ears.

[aesir]

First off, you can kill the first 3 words. Its obvious that its within your artwork. Just start off: I work with the theme...

try and leave off using terms like "i like" or "i prefer" or "in my work" or "throughout my studies" or "i like (again) or "in my more personal work"

it makes you sound to unsure of yourself and its just bad form in a statement. Its a statement so state your shit.

I also think you talk too much about who you are as a person rather then about your artwork.

[0kelvin]

As a minor nitpick, I think using the calculator as an example of an invention we didn't need is wildly underestimating the impact of the calculator. It's one of the most important inventions in the last 200 years. Sure, using it for simple addition and subtraction is usually just laziness, but its uses hardly end there. The impact of the calculator, and by extension, the computer, on almost every field of science has been immeasurable.


0kelvin

[Justin.]

Man... I've always wanted to just BS my art statement and be "Avant-garde",

"Black.

White.

Color.

This is my art."

Anyways... haven't ever had to deal with a real one before, but I do have some notes; You label War and Global warming as "Constructed", when actually they are the consequences of the "Construction" of other things. War is perpetual, we didn't bring it into the world. The only reasons animals don't fight wars is because they don't have the ability to organize like us. The second we became a sedentary civilization, we effectivley decimated our oppritunity at world peace. Once you settle, you mark your land. This land is unchanging. If it goes bad, you want more. If you find out there is better land, you want that land too. Your population will grow- you need more land. Where, as a nomadic society, we would constantly be moving and working and sharing, no one entity would be able to control every resource (unless they invented it). Anyways, that's the whole 'perpetual war' thing. Global warming- if humans were to get a list of all consequences of an invention before it was created and circulated, I would say that many good inventions would be lost.
"The car will be responsible for murder, kidnapping, rape, pollution, and rapid destruction of a protective layer in our atmosphere."
Technology and consequence is a balancing act. If it weren't for technology, we wouldn't be able to solve many of the problems we have caused. I dunno, I'm rambling now, but if I were to walk in and read your artists statement, that is what I would think to myself. The "I am not a pessimist line" doesn't aid in the mind changing process either. Then I would view your work very differently then if you had a different artist's statement.

Recommended; humans struggle to balance technology and nature in a way which neither must sacrafice.

[Seedling]

I’ll second the opinion that you’ve got the impact of the calculator all wrong. We wouldn’t have computers if the need to calculate bigger numbers hadn’t pushed us to their development.

Anyway. . . be sure you don’t use words that you don’t understand, such as “specimen”, which means something entirely different from “species”. Don’t try to make your statement sound fancy – make it clear, instead.

You don’t need to tell us that you “like” something, or even that you “believe” something. As your statement, these things are obvious, and you can jump right into an assertion, i.e. “asparagus is evil!” And then from there, explain your assertion: “asparagus is evil for the following reasons. . .” And then tie it into your art: “I have chosen to portray asparagus encased in clay because. . .”

Your ideas are good. Try re-arranging them to give them better flow and more impact.

Cheers.

[AdamDillabo]

i see your guys point about that calculator. i think i need to reword it better. i was trying to say that after we create it the general public these days cant function in a math class without it. i have witnessed this first hand, and i think its sad




Anyway. . . be sure you don’t use words that you don’t understand, such as “specimen”, which means something entirely different from “species”. Don’t try to make your statement sound fancy – make it clear, instead.


specimen means something that your studying, right? maybe its misspelled.

[Seedling]

That is neither the proper definition of "specimen", nor would it be a proper usage of the word if it were. If you aren't clear on how a word is used, then be sure to look it up. The dictionary is your friend!

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/specimen

[Edit] Part of the confusion around that word is grammatical error. In this sentence “When you disconnect your self from your specimen, its faults are noticed effortlessly,” what you are saying is “when you bla your self from bla, its faults. . . .” In other words, you are calling yourself “it”.

[Mirana]

As someone who deals with horrible Artist Statements daily, I thank you for getting some editing critiques!

You are TRYING TOO HARD. Your sentence structure and flow is extremely clumsy. It has all the hallmarks of someone who is an amateur writer and is trying to impress. All it is doing is confusing your meaning (as evidenced by everyone disagreeing with the content) and showing your weakness.

I say trash this and write a new artist statement IN YOUR WORDS. Write it like you were writing a blog to your friends about what drives your work. Passion and sincerity reads better than something you struggled to make sound "professional."

G'Luck!

[AdamDillabo]

damn! you caught me! yeah this is not me at all. i'm going to this governors school for the arts and the teachers only like the kids who do abstract bull shit deep work. so i have been forced to try and adjust to this style to pass. the only reason i put up with it is because i get a lot of figure drawing practice. im really not sure how honest i can be and still get a show, and if i dont get a show then i don't get any credits and my gpa will plummet. but believe me your point is well taken.

i reworked it alot added some more about my art and fixed alot of the grammatical errors.

Artist statement

Within my art, I work with the theme of humans rejecting nature and self-destructing. When I disconnect myself from the whole, its faults are effortlessly noticed. Within humanity, we construct these problems: wars and global warming will lead to the destruction of many lives. With increasing population and power these problems can grow into inconceivable dangers. I like to educate about these problems as well as satirize the people who create them. Throughout my studies I have noticed humans have the propensity to invent beneficial machines but then rely on them heavily to the existent where they can not function without them i.e. calculators, electricity, and cars.
To illustrate this and the idea of humans rejecting nature, I mix very organic forms with hard ridged mechanics, such as gears. In my more personal work I like to focus on a more lighthearted view technology as well as pop culture references from the Internet, TV and movies, However even when you look deep into these pieces and understand my viewpoint you can still make out the distinct topics that are me. For me this playful, graphical style is an escape from what can be viewed as disheartening themes. I consider myself a realist in this context.

[bunny]

Within my art, I work with the theme of humans rejecting nature and self-destruction. When I disconnect myself from the whole (From the whole what? Societys' dependency on machinery?), its faults are effortlessly noticed. Within humanity, we construct these problems; wars and global warming will lead to the destruction of many lives. With increasing population and power these problems can grow into inconceivable dangers. I want to educate [The viewer/Society/etc] about these problems as well as satirize the people who create them. Throughout my studies I have noticed humans have the propensity to invent beneficial machines but then rely on them heavily to the extent where they can not function without them: calculators, electricity, and cars.
To illustrate this and the idea of humans rejecting nature, I mix very organic forms with hard ridged mechanics, such as gears [You might want to mention these things as "recurring images/symbols" or "motifs"] . In my more personal work I [direct my] focus on a more lighthearted view technology as well as pop culture references from the Internet, TV and movies. [ omitted: However, even] When you look deep into these pieces and understand my viewpoint you can still make out the distinct topics that are me [?] . For me this playful, graphical style is an escape from what [are] viewed as disheartening themes. I consider myself a realist in this context.

Fixed errors in red. :) I don't have a degree in English though, so you may/may not want to trust me.

... you really want to stay away from phrases like "___ can be____" or "You may ___" or "I like _____". This is your artists' statement, you really don't want to sound uncertain with your work.

hope this helps!

[AdamDillabo]

bunny i E> you

[Seedling]

Wow Adam, that second draft is so much better! :-) Good job, and good luck.