-PYRE- PAGE 3 Now available!! With Chibi alternate version!

[Chance.]

Welcome to Pyre.

Here's the deal, I've always loved comics. I have read a lot in my few short years of life. I've also always wanted to make my own. Up to this point every time that I tried, I failed, mostly due to mylack of patience, but also from a lack of artistic skill.

Joining this forum has helped me to leap forward with my art until now I feel confident that I have what I need to start learning how to make comics. That does not mean I have what I need to make comics, only enough to begin learning.

I have very little idea how to:

create dynamic pages which are composed and formated effectively

write good dialogue

tell a story effectively

draw even a fraction of the objects which will be in my comic world

use screen tones

develop character personalities

or ink effectively...

... that is beyond what I've been exposed to in my comic reading.

What does all of this mean? you ask. That is a very pertinent question. It means, in short, that for a while this may be close to torture for you "the reader" until I've gained some experience and/or recieved good advice, I will be terrible most likely. You have been forwarned.

Rather than say, "I'm not good enough yet" I'm going to plow ahead and see what I CAN do. Hopefully this will be inspiring for others who want to make comics. (or it may make you give up on that dream all together, depending on how badly I do)

This will be a manga styled comic due to the fact that I have had lots of those available recently. I however am not going to use all of the manga stylistic techniques, and will be mixing American technique and my own technique (when I figure out what that is) in with it.

I apologize for the poor quality of the first two pages, it was late at night when I did them, and I hadn't figured out my battle plan yet. I want to continue forward for now, so I will come back at a later time and redo them properly.

I think that for now I will post all new updates in this first one, and then post a comment down below so that the thread will updated on the main forum.

Thank you for taking the time to look in on this project, I hope you find it enjoyable.

Q-C

Note: Look below for my commentary on the most recent updates.

[FactorZero]

draw until our fingers bleed, then draw some more. thats my advice. looks lke you already have ideas of what you want to do. keep at it and refine your technique. Don't be afraid to use contractions in your dialog, it makes it seem more natural.

[Wake101]

Yo Q, great to see the comic up. You have me intrigued already. You've got a nice graphic style going on here, reminds me of those other pictures you did a while back, and your style with this comics will only get better and better until they are so amazingly amazing, heh. Keep going with these dude. Don't forget to some stuff for your sb once in a while too.

[invinciblewombat]

ok, some quick thoughts on this, the third page is by far the strongest here as you said you spent the most time on it so it makes sense, i think this is mostly because you were more economical in your inking, on the first two it's just a lot of scribbles to fill in planes, it makes the pages look sloppy and rushed. there's a little of this still going on in the third but it looks a lot better. don;t be afrid of the lasso tool if you're working in wide swaths of one color or value, it can be a great time saver and improve the craft of the image. as for the textures especially on cloth or shadowed areas you may want to investigate making some custom brushes to experiment with your shading and get some interesting textures. on borders; the borders are a huge part of the page that can be used to easilt make the page look professional just by makign them cleanly and un-obtrusivly, just keep in mind that when thy're crooked or messy it's really distracting from the page. I personally like the hand lettering you have going on in the first pages better than the typed text, it has more personality.

just a few things to think about coming from someone, who attemted and failed making a webcomic in his younger days.

keep it up, this looks like a great project.

[bluefruitbowl]

Whoohoo! I read with anticipation. Keep it up.

[armando]

Do more research and get comfortable with an object before you draw it. On that first page those hills, house, shadows, and truck are looking very squiggly. You'll learn more by giving it your best effort, don't rush. Another thing is the character of the girl isn't properly introduced in that first page: first she's blonde then she's brunette; When she notices the shade we see her from behind, if you showed her face you could establish age, and whether she's tired and other things. The briefcase doesn't seem very significant until the vampire uses it as an insurance policy, it's importance should be established in the first page, give it it's own panel or have the girl reference it somehow "I could get along faster if I didn't have to lug around this doohinkus" or something. I've been wanting to do a few short stories in comic form for a while, I've got a little notebook with ideas, they're still in nebulous form though, this has put that project closer to the front of my mind, so thanks. Have you made a general plot outline for this? character back stories and stuff like that?

[Chance.]

Thanks to all for the excellent advice. Hopefully it will turn this whole idea into something that's actually enjoyable to read.

After reading the comments, I'm going to go back and redo the beginning. the last two pages are fine I think but we need a longer intro. So that's what I'm working on now.

look for your comments to be used in future art.

I'll respond to all of you individually.

some art so this isn't a dud post, I did it in sketcher

[Chance.]

DON"T FORGET THAT THE UPDATE IS IN POST ONE! /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\

Finally I managed two more pages. Due to a series of unexpected events, namely two tests (including the SAT) I have been quite busy.

So I have decided based on the comments of my fellow CAers to go back and set up the first scene more effectively. My exuberance at getting the story rolling and getting to the action right off the bat, proved to make for a bumpy beginning. So now we will meet our characters more fully.

I'm having an interesting time with screne tones, I didn't realize what a big deal they would be. Note, wombat, that I'm trying to make textured brushes, thank you for that suggestion.

I decided to go ahead and use the pre-created text because it will save time and allow me to dedicate more time to getting this story going.

Thanks again for stopping by.


-------------

An early drawing of our female character

[armando]

Ha!, but why'd you erase the original pages? The thought boxes are a bit heavy handed but enjoyable none the less, I'm sometimes a fan of overstating the obvious(that was not sarcasm, seriously). But keep in mind that you can make use of acting and body language, good job on panel 4 and the expressions in the last panels. The eye path is a lot better than the first version too.

[invinciblewombat]

looking much nicer, hate to see the old pages deleted though, it's always nice to be able to keep track of progress, the linework is looking very clean, nothing much else to day.

[Wake101]

nice clean up job you did Q, looks a lot more refined.

[Chance.]

another character sketch

[Chance.]

It's going to take a little time to get into the groove Armando but I'll get the hang of it. I want the first post to be only the finished stuff and story. I'll post the crappy pages in a different post soon. I don't want anyone getting confused when they read the actual story.

Thanks Wake and Wombat

After struggling a lot with how I was going to pace this, I finally managed to do page 3! Believe it or not this one took me the same amout of time to do as pages one and twho. Even without screen tones. I know that the other pages read well, but my heart is set on making this comic work in high contrast. After looking a some of Mike Mignola's work I think I have a little better understanding about how to use solid blacks for shadow. However it's going to be one of those things that I figure out from practice.

Now about this page. It is the first page with much action. Here is what needed to happen. 1st she needed to turn him down then try to sneeky-like walk off. I wanted to do those in two different panels but I couldn't figure out how to have her say no [small panel] then yak a ton [large panel] then have a shot of his hand opening the latch of the car door [small panel]. Trying to fit those frames so they read in the right order was too hard for my low level skills so I combined the first two and and just have three wide panels.

I'm struggling because my tendency is to want to progress the story as quickly as possible (you remember my first try right?) I have to force myself to slow down and put enough information in for the reader to figure out whats happening. This is a lot slower of a process than I expected it would be. I hope to reach a point where I can do two pages a week but we will see.


I penciled this one for real, I think i'll do it that way from now on, something is lost between the tablet and the computer, and having a pencil drawn guidline will help keep it tighter.

I'm also going to start doing journal like entries to get you guys inside my head [a scary place] to make it easier for you to understand what I'm trying to do.

I also am going to do a parrallel version that is all chibi and is more comedic. Mostly for my little brother but also to help clear my mind after working on the real thing.

Thanks for looking

Q

[invinciblewombat]

haha, second panel in the chibi version cracks me up, nice angle on the running panel in page 3 as well, might be a little more dramatic if you cropped the woman a little closer in so you get the sense she's really coming at you.

[armando]

Good job on this new page, no critiques except that you misspelled exercise. I have no idea either how to break that first panel into two, you'll figure it out eventually.

[FactorZero]

Chibi version is your best work yet. j/k. The new page looks good, but that one HUGE three paragraph text bubble is very long and hard to read. Hmm...maybe i'm not supposed to read it as she rambles on and the man in the truck sneaks up. I guess you did that on purpose. Nice work. I'd like to see some more detailed/indepth character designs. Try to make your characters more distinct, and less generic as far as designs go. It helps create a better connection with the reader.

Thanks for stopping by my SB too. I'm working on the stuff you were talking about, really.

[Chance.]

Wombat - Good point on the last panel.

Armando - I'm terrible at spelling. Your lucky I haven't made more mistakes than that

Factor - :( Oh well, I'll just have to go to the comedy genre instead of action. ;)
That was exactly the effect the long paragraph was supposed to have.
err... I am an absolute amature. I have virtually no experience in any of this so I'm going to have a lot of week design at the beginning. That's a good point though and I'll have to put more thought into it.

I like your work, and will keep stopping by whenever I can.

So.... CHARACTER DESIGN IT IS!!!!

Here is a goofy little poster I did this afternoon.

[FactorZero]

It's rough but it has pretty good composition. Time for an update now!!!!!!
And draw some girls!

[brunopicinini]

hey buddy

thaks for stopping by in my SB ...

nice pages you got here ... Some pretty good camera shots and stuff. .. Yeah, I quite understand your obejective in making such a long paragraph but, I don't know, maybe there is other way to do it. Well, it is not a big problem.


I like the last picture, but I don't know if you intentionally just used black and white or what. I think some gray and variation might do some good.

Keep it up!
More updates!
best regards

[Libra Blood]

You're art's cool. ;3 YOu're chibi comic amuses me.