First Page of New Comic

[Matsign]

I'm putting my roommates' story down on paper with this project. If I keep making pages I'll keep improving. This is the introductory and first page of chapter one.

This page is 90% complete.
99201

99202

[wil.whalen]

The overall page isn't that bad, but there's a lot of detail that was overlooked and things that were rushed through. I'll just go though panel by panel, if you don't mind.

Cover:
Its kind of hard to tell what side of the ship we're seeing (I assume we are positioned below it and are looking up at it?). The perspective is kind of confusing and the rendering is all kind of the same color. Use different shades of gray to differentiate planes of the ship, and go through the whole value scale of gray, so we can really see the different planes. There's something off with the way the wings are lined up, and it's really wierd looking. I'm not great at perspective, so I'm sure someone can help you out a little more than I could there.

First Panel: It looks alright, but really looks like you rushed the rendering. The folds on the arm don't really look like the follow the form of the arm. Try and do some drapery studies of how a long sleeve shirt falls on your arm. Try different materials and see how they all react. Don't rush a single panel; it will show. One rushed panel can make a whole page look rushed, and then what's the point of not rushing the rest. Spend the extra 20 minutes and make the page better.

Second panel:
Pretty basic, but good. Try to clean up your linework; the lines look messy in a lot of the panels. If the option is avaiable, try digital inking; it can result in really good quality lines.

Third panel: The top one is probably the strongest panel. I can't tell what's going on in the bottom one though. At all.

Fourth panel:
His hand, at the size you have it next to the mouth, is going to be about 1/2 of the size it should be (or the face 2x too big). Compare your hand to your face and see what the size comparison is and then look at your drawing again.

Fifth panel:
I think you probabyl simplified the city in the background too much. The minimal rendering makes it look, again, rushed. Take a look around here for a guy named Tensai and look at his cityscapes and see what you can take away from it.

Sixth panel:
Perspective is odd. The stairway is angled oddly to the plane. If it was meant to be that way, then i guess it looks good, but my guess is it wasn't. Also, there's only 9 steps. That seems pretty small for exiting an airplane of that size (though I can't attest as to how many there actually are). Airplane rendering looks good.

Seventh panel:
The face is low on the head, and small. The eyes are very close together. The head is not a bad shape, but the face is poorly positioned.

If you want more crits or explanation, just PM me or something.

[Matsign]

Hey wil, thanks a lot for the panel by panel criticism, you have some great points. I'm stuck as this was physical linework and it will take a while to edit. I'm pretty inspired to fix some of this though. You rock.

[Lozark]

remember when a plane is landing the nose is up.looks like its going to crash into the ground. perspective seems to always be an issue.

[Matsign]

Considering the crits I've updated the intro page. The first page still needs a lot of work.
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[Writerof]

A wee pint I just want to mention :

The wing is still off a bit, It doesn't really stand in perspective.

Mostly when reentering the atmosphere, the space craft will use the strongest and most shielded aria to ward off the intense heat. They Never will reenter cockpit first. (See space shuttle reentry pictures for that one). Unless the front picture is meant for planetary approach, in that case the lines in front of the space craft are bewildering.

Is the space station gleud to the planet? :)

The idear itself is nice, but it is a bit rushy done.

(Don't worry.. as soon if I can get my scanner working again you can critesize the crap out of me too ;)

Like the titel's fonts! kudo's :)

Greets,

Writero

[ATAnderson]

You have done a good job with telling a story on your front cover. The elements however seem like they are not talking with each other.

Your title is right up the top like you don't want it to be a part of you image, bring it in and let it interact with the illustration. Give the title plenty of space to breathe it is just as important as the rest of the image. The ship and the title are both straight down the centre of the page which is pretty safe but not interesting composition (to me anyway).

You have done a great job with the ship design also, but the but perhaps you are trying to show off too much of the ship and sacrificing the dynamics and compostion. You will get a chance later in the comic to show off your ship design so you can afford to leave it a little more suggestive at the moment and put it at a cooler angle.

I make a little adjustment just to show what I mean, I hope it is helpful.

Adam

PS The orbital stucture also looks a little stiff, perhaps break it down into smaller shapes and realise them with the light catching them - basically make it more of a suggested silhouette with highlights

[Matsign]

Came back here to see if I got some more crits and behold!

Writerof: I play with perspective then. I just remembered what you mean about the reentering. I forgot how they use the bottom of the craft to enter the atmosphere. Thanks! Yeah, that stupid space station needs to be less of the design.

ATAnderson: I'm comfortable with the centered position of the title right now. But your version is very tempting. Thanks a lot for the paintover! It has helped me already. I understand what you mean with the ship details. I'll consider all of this soon.

I'm stuck in another project that'll be over in april for design. I should get back to this before that. I'll send out PMs if I need advice again.

Cheers!