"Gamble Symphony" page 1

[vegetasonac]

i'm really pleased with the way this turned out. it took me a week just to prepare how i want the look and feel of the comic to end up like. the quality of this jpeg isn't excellent on purpose due to it simply being a preview for the actual hold-in-your-hand comic book. anyways it's late and i dont think these sentences are coming out too well so here it is.

http://www.adamcline.com/comicbooks/gamblesymphony/gs1.jpg

[vegetasonac]

133 views and not one reply, come on be helpful here, be harsh, say something.

[PencilPunx]

I've never posted any of my own work on this site before, so I feel like a jerk for offering comments on other peoples art, but as someone who reads a lot of comics I think I can say a few things;)

The style and mood of this piece is cool, but narratively I'm not sure it makes much sense. I realize this is a secluded bar, but it is still a bar, so in the first panel I think you could stand to add a bartender, or at least some bottles in the backround. Secondly, I'm confused as to if the character from the first panel is the same as the shaded bar patron towards the bottom of the page. If it is, the bar is WAY too long as compared to the first image. If it's not, perhaps you could bring the characters out of shadow a bit so as to make them distinguishable from one another. Lastly, as the characters thus far are rather undefined, it's impossible to tell who just had the gun placed against his/her head. Though this is just the first page, I'm sure that particular issue could be worked out in the first panel of page two.

Great mood and atmosphere here though, and as I said I like the style. I'm anxious to see how subsequent pages play out. Keep up the good work.

[enoc]

the character style and shading is really smooth and well done

:D [TASKINLUDE] (http://active-x.net/taskinlude/) :D

[vegetasonac]

ah thank you both SOOOO MUCH! i was starting to think that it was just being looked as a piece of crap since no one was posting, i got a lil angry as you may have been able to tell ^_^'' lol.

pencilpunx: hey it's kewl that u havent posted any art yet on here. you are welcome by me just as much as the next guy. actually, if anything, i have come across moderators of other forums in the past that look down on those that just post their own artwork without criting other's first. about your comments, they are highly observant and i love it cuz all your gripes are pretty much answered in the next page which i am working on the pencils for right now. the guy in panel one and four are two different people, i agree that i should have distinguished that a lil more due to theyre similar poses. the guy with the gun is a random guy who is fully introduced on page 2. youre right about the bartender thing, i should have added her in the first panel but she is later introduced in the comic and for this scene i want to make it shown that it's a sorta lonely bar so i needed as few characters as possible and still show off the script. the silohuette character in panel 4 is in deep shadows on purpose due to later situations in the comic book. sorry i can't really go too deep on revealing the comic but the first 14 pages will be for free on my site so check it out now and then for updates :D your comments were some of the best i ever received in a forum, thanks!

enoc: thanks. i actually got kinda the opposite reply in the Hugo forum, so i will accept your statement over theirs muahahhaha > : ) lol