Dune walker 4 pages and counting....

[Grendel]

http://igrendel.com/images/sequentials/111ronin.jpg

http://igrendel.com/images/sequentials/222.jpg


http://images.deviantart.com/large/indyart/freehand/pag3ronin.jpg


http://images.deviantart.com/large/indyart/freehand/studioroninpg4.jpg

http://igrendel.com/images/sequentials/ronin5.jpg

[DustinTrimble]

man, i'm just kinda bored today, and thus giving out crits when I should be drawing, but I will try and make this quick:

Nothing boring about this comic!!, but here is my suggestions:

First page, maybe having him start close(with the horizon line high) then zooming out and lowering the horizon line would make it look like he is walking a really long distance(keeping with your top panels), then the next panel would work, then the last you have it be a close up him looking. (it works the way you have it, but I think just the progression from him going to small, then the great moneyshot in the middle, then face/reaction close up would work a tad better shot contrast wise.)

Second page, second panel, it's hard to tell he is walking toward the base,(side note, you have already established him having to struggle on this long journey, maybe this page could emphasize the girl.)
I don't understand the way the girl comes in, maybe you could dedicate a couple panels of her getting formed out of the sand or something that would make this stronger.

It took me far too long to understand she was coming up behind him.

Third page: 3and 4 panels-where is his sword, I want to see it. It would make them stronger. beyond that I really like the first panel and the last one also.

Forth page: your strongest IMO, it's a little inconsistant that he is blocking and then he is not when hit, but not really a big deal. Last panel you could twist and tilt his head a little more, really showing he's been hit.

Yeah, great work on it, it's far easier for me to make a crit on something you put the time and effort into, so much respect goes to you for doing this page progression!

[Grendel]

Wow dustin thanks man...ya this is a learning experience for me not only working from shy's script (which is not written in comic format but a novel format) but wit hsequentilas period I would hope I do get better with each page.

[Jason Manley]

great compositions....i love the way you handle your media.

keep em coming....id give a crit but I think youre handling it well.

j

[thomasaurus]

I would LOVE to see this painted by that underbloom guy.

And as usually your stuff is stunning ;)

[incognito]

wow, the first 2 pages I didn't get what was happening but then it was like BAM! and now I this comic surpasses my expectations. GOOD WORK!
:chug:

[Grendel]

thanks guys tell me if im screwing up totally --added page 5

[incognito]

Only crit is that I think you should make it a bit clearer and easier to read. Good drawing though!
:chug:

[DustinTrimble]

page5: love the first three, the fourth It looks like he is blocking , but then he falls, hmm don't know it could be clearer, the rest is cool.

[Grendel]

alot of time when i convert it to a jpeg the tones and hues get lost and it makes it muddier. oh well.

[Hyper_Psycho]

Wow this looks really wonderful .. I really like your style and how there is nothing to be said .... just action ... good stuff