Android
June 18th, 2003, 05:44 PM
my friend forwarded this to me today, ithought it might give some of you an intristing insight into what goes on behind the curtin of the game industry
enjoy
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Subject: Designer Diary
Hello there! This is a meaningless designer from NoLogic, Inc. I'd like to
use this opportunity to tell you about my incredible adventure in what I
like to affectionately call, Hell. I was hired by the vice president, whom
I will refer to from this moment on as Mr. Blackhole since he really has
no worthwhile purpose at all and a producer (ironic his title since he
really doesn't produce anything...) Anyhow, currently we're working on a
truly incredible project, and by "incredible" I mean shitty. My job starts
with me and my fellow designers spending lots of time designing highly
creative and strategically designed missions and gameplay scenarios for
the game, from there the next step in the process the Queen of Hearts (or
insane tyrant CEO of the company) comes in, calls me and my fellow
designers bad names and insults our abilities then tells us he will take
over all the missions since only he's capable of making incredible
missions. (FYI he's the Queen of Hearts because we'd actually rather he
yell "Off with their head!" than make us work anymore on this terrible
title we all have nightmares about). Anyhow, next up we wait for about
four weeks for our new mission list and it eventually comes in the form of
a series of misspelled sentences on a sheet of paper. Now the design team
knows what GOOD missions should be so they stare blankly at the series of
unrelated sentences and wonder how in the fuck they would ever make even a
bad game mission. The solution to this problem was never solved but thanks
to a "concept artist" we realized that we had been going about our mission
proposals completely wrong, it turns out the Queen of Hearts actually
never wanted to read anything, so when the concept artist proposed a
complete piece of shit mission with a cute color drawing he was sold and
announced this mission to be "the best mission ever". Once again the
design team looks over the mission and wonders how the fuck any of it is
going to make a mission. In the end this turned out to be an incredible
way of doing things! Before this happened we had a serious problem with
the Designers being confident and happy with their abilities, with our new
method we've established a hierarchy of authority where any moron from the
street can get hired in to NoLogic with NO experience and rattle off buzz
words like "triggers" and "scripting" to make it sound like they have a
clue and are superior to all the current designers! The end result is a
nice, beaten designer that is happy just being allowed to work with a
piece of shit editor that doesn't work 75% of the time and, thanks to the
lazy fat asses in programming that refuse to let people know when they're
working on, software builds that suddenly don't work and keep us from
being productive at all! My experience in NoLogic really is incredible! If
it hadn't been for here I never would have learned the real value to being
beaten down creatively on a daily basis! We've six demos and fourteen builds
to do by next Monday and I think the company is buying us dinner tonight
from some local dump that's willing to send us food that's been under a
heat lamp for the last 5 hours. My favorite part is where we supply our
own drinks, I hear coke is REALLY expensive these days! Well I better get
going! Bye!
enjoy
-------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Designer Diary
Hello there! This is a meaningless designer from NoLogic, Inc. I'd like to
use this opportunity to tell you about my incredible adventure in what I
like to affectionately call, Hell. I was hired by the vice president, whom
I will refer to from this moment on as Mr. Blackhole since he really has
no worthwhile purpose at all and a producer (ironic his title since he
really doesn't produce anything...) Anyhow, currently we're working on a
truly incredible project, and by "incredible" I mean shitty. My job starts
with me and my fellow designers spending lots of time designing highly
creative and strategically designed missions and gameplay scenarios for
the game, from there the next step in the process the Queen of Hearts (or
insane tyrant CEO of the company) comes in, calls me and my fellow
designers bad names and insults our abilities then tells us he will take
over all the missions since only he's capable of making incredible
missions. (FYI he's the Queen of Hearts because we'd actually rather he
yell "Off with their head!" than make us work anymore on this terrible
title we all have nightmares about). Anyhow, next up we wait for about
four weeks for our new mission list and it eventually comes in the form of
a series of misspelled sentences on a sheet of paper. Now the design team
knows what GOOD missions should be so they stare blankly at the series of
unrelated sentences and wonder how in the fuck they would ever make even a
bad game mission. The solution to this problem was never solved but thanks
to a "concept artist" we realized that we had been going about our mission
proposals completely wrong, it turns out the Queen of Hearts actually
never wanted to read anything, so when the concept artist proposed a
complete piece of shit mission with a cute color drawing he was sold and
announced this mission to be "the best mission ever". Once again the
design team looks over the mission and wonders how the fuck any of it is
going to make a mission. In the end this turned out to be an incredible
way of doing things! Before this happened we had a serious problem with
the Designers being confident and happy with their abilities, with our new
method we've established a hierarchy of authority where any moron from the
street can get hired in to NoLogic with NO experience and rattle off buzz
words like "triggers" and "scripting" to make it sound like they have a
clue and are superior to all the current designers! The end result is a
nice, beaten designer that is happy just being allowed to work with a
piece of shit editor that doesn't work 75% of the time and, thanks to the
lazy fat asses in programming that refuse to let people know when they're
working on, software builds that suddenly don't work and keep us from
being productive at all! My experience in NoLogic really is incredible! If
it hadn't been for here I never would have learned the real value to being
beaten down creatively on a daily basis! We've six demos and fourteen builds
to do by next Monday and I think the company is buying us dinner tonight
from some local dump that's willing to send us food that's been under a
heat lamp for the last 5 hours. My favorite part is where we supply our
own drinks, I hear coke is REALLY expensive these days! Well I better get
going! Bye!