Yodalisque 2 contest: find the right caption! [Archive]

tegehel

June 14th, 2003, 12:37 AM

Hi,

Even though it's technically not finished, I'd like some feedback, please.

To do:
. fix shoulders
. skin/muscles need more work
. work on landscape more (depth)
. more details on the wall maybe?

Anything else? I'm not being objective anymore, I need a break on this one, and C&C. Thank you.

C.

http://www.tegehel.org/graphics/newfolio/web/yodalisque2_v4.jpg

Here's the making of: making of in WIP (http://www.conceptart.org/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=7879)

And for those who followed, this is the first of the trilogy : Yodalisque 1 (http://www.conceptart.org/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=7066)

ChadTHX1138

June 14th, 2003, 01:48 AM

Yes! that thing has changed but is looking good.

Yaseck

June 14th, 2003, 06:15 AM

I'd work also on the face a bit. There is something unnatural in it.

Gorbay

June 14th, 2003, 07:49 AM

the smooth rendering of the background attracts my attention. its the first impression to me .. may be something else..

good job indeed.

Deth Jester

June 14th, 2003, 03:25 PM

the shadow going across her.. I would think would run up high on her left breast.. and you would get light on the very tip.. same with her long hair..also, her haher face needs work.. its almost too flat looking.. doesnt look natural..

her neck and shoulders look odd.. get a ref and fix that..

the wanted sign behind her looks odd.. id make that a real posted paper.. or remove it.. The circular air condition unit thing.. is cool, but I would sharpen up the outer circle.. it looks like its suppose to be part of the building and made of stucko, when I think you want it to be metal right?

anyhow cool stuff.. put some more work into it, :)

good luck!

peace

Tedsuo

June 14th, 2003, 06:02 PM

Heh, that's hilarious! I like it. :)

My main crit is the lighting is inconsistent. Her face is lit from one clear direction, but her hair is equally lit from all sides. Her shoulder, forearm and her knee have equally strong highlights pointed in different directions, etc etc. The superstructure shadows look a bit... I dunno, maybe a bit tacked on.

But I do think it's really cool, and I don't think it needs any more detail, just cleaned up a bit.

Payback

June 15th, 2003, 06:02 AM

I think the chains doesn't really look like it's close to her body, more like it is pasted in. Maybe put some shadows from it.

And her left ribs looks very odd to me, like there is only one of them and that one is broken and jutting out of her body. :D

Muttonhead

June 15th, 2003, 01:56 PM

This piece is very nice. I think that whether or not the lighting is inconsistent, it is very naturalistic. Your pallette is very realistic.

I would agree that there is some wonkiness in the anatomy, and some work to do on the skin, but it is almost there. Something about the face seems a bit off, reverse it and see if you can't narrow in on it.

I think the background is perfect as is. Very nice, lots of depth and atmosphere.

The Jawa's robe could use a little more work. t looks like it is carved out of stone right now.

Keep it up!

-Muttonhead

tegehel

June 16th, 2003, 02:07 AM

Thank you all for your comments (sorry, no long thank you list tonite, too late, tired...3am, slleeeeppp)

Anyway, It's a bit of a change because I thought after a few milliseconds of reflections that it would be more in the spirit of the first one, more claustrophobic and dark and dirty (directly and indirectly).

So here it is now. It's still not quite finished, I still see problems.

In any case, more C&C appreciated.

And for those who wondered, yes, I use references. Blame them :D

C.

http://www.tegehel.org/graphics/newfolio/web/yodalisque2_v5.jpg

tegehel

June 21st, 2003, 02:48 AM

a few more fixes, smoothen the face, etc...

I'm trying the shadows on her body, whaddya think? they don't necessarily need to show up on the wall behind since they might come from up above. They're kinda weird, but give a bit of a bondage quality to it, idea not totally foreign to the piece itself (and the previous one either, Yodalisque1)

hmm?

C.

http://www.tegehel.org/graphics/newfolio/web/yodalisque2_v5.jpg

Tedsuo

June 21st, 2003, 11:33 AM

Looking WAY better! No crits really, I think all the new elements in the last two updates really unify the piece. Looks like it would make a great magazine cover now, the way it's composed.

:chug:

incognito

June 28th, 2003, 01:59 AM

make the shadows more verticals than horizontal, since the stuff above her is vertical (maybe not though). The one thing that truly bugs me is where on her left side there is this rib bone that pops out and is shadowed, but on her right side, NOTHING THERE! Sorry, that just really dosn't go good with me, don't know why. Well, I love it non the less though. Good work!(sorry if I bumped this thread up. I went to here from the work in progress subforum. )

tegehel

June 29th, 2003, 09:04 PM

aah the rib.

Yes it bother many, I've noticed :)

- Well, this is one of those examples where copying nature looks wrong, even though it is what it is. Of course, one should draw what looks good, not necessarily what is realistic (in my opinion.) So, well, I suppose I could soften it more so it's not so obvious...

http://www.tegehel.org/graphics/newfolio/web/NS_rib.jpg

- More importantly, I can't decide whether or not to keep the shadows on the body or not. Whaddya think?

Jeff Gran

June 30th, 2003, 12:53 AM

Hey awesome painting! I don't think you should keep those shadows across her though. I don't think they look very realistic and for me they detract more than they add. It's a cool idea though... maybe they just need to be less numerous and more importantly less sharp... some soft, blurry shadows would look better maybe.

incognito

June 30th, 2003, 01:56 AM

K, thanks....I think you should keep shadows...just make less of them. And in less noticeable areas of her...

GhostofMacbeth

June 30th, 2003, 10:35 AM

I think the shadows can stay but perhaps be faded and softened somewhat. Nice work overall.

tegehel

July 5th, 2003, 05:35 PM

Sorry to bring this one up again for the Nth time, but I decided to rework it a bit, simplify it and add a furry character (coz it'll make me popular, you know :))

PS: as for the previous version (last one above), I lost it. It had shadows on her body too. Now, unfortunately, there is twice the same picture in a row, which makes comments following them a bit ackward. I apologize for that.

C.

<image edited out by Tegehel, due to lost of data>

incognito

July 5th, 2003, 06:10 PM

Nice, the little furry guy kinda doesn't mix in but...hey. I also like the Ewoks suck Lightsabers graffiti in the background. Also, I like it very much.
:chug:

Tedsuo

July 5th, 2003, 06:24 PM

Bahahaha looks like Leia's about to pull a trick with a plush toy. Awesome.

stephen

July 5th, 2003, 06:35 PM

hope you dont mind, but that abdomin was drivin me insane.

http://www.seriks.com/po/yodalisque2.jpg

you cant always rely on photos to tell you whats going on. studying the structure and form of the figure and drawing through will help you a lot.

hmm what else, also the shoulder area could use work, it looks very flat to me or confusing, her left (our right) arm looks too long, or her shoulder is too high, or her elbow is too low.

and you chopped off the pic right at her knee!! boo!

anyway i hope you dont mind, keep it up.

tegehel

July 5th, 2003, 11:14 PM

thanks all :)

stephen: First of all, I don't mind at all. In fact, I hope and expect more of those constructive criticisms. I might not agree with everything, but it makes me think, which is the point of my posting here. I thank you.

At risk of of breaking the canon of classical structural drawing, what's wrong with cutting a drawing at the knee? compositionwise, it doesn't bother me and it works (for me) because of the other two characters.

It's true you can't always rely on pictures to tell you all, but it's hard to argue with nature: what I drew exists in nature in the pose that she's in. It might not look like what you expect, not what "the canon of beauty" might dictate, but it is nevertheless plausible and possible. What you drew is what I would have drawn in a sketch as the stereotypical abdomen (nothing wrong with that), but I decided to use a reference and I'm going to stick with that. I'm sorry if it bother people (you're not the only one, trust me :)) but this is one of those times where I must disagree - not on principle, but based on logic and facts.

I agree with the arms, they do need some small adjustments.

I hope I didn't sound too pompous or defensive, for that wasn't the goal. I am, like you, expressing my opinion.

Thanks you and I'm waiting for your answer, hopefully,

(and others)

Cheers,

C.

stephen

July 6th, 2003, 01:18 AM

Ok, well i didnt mean to make it look like "the canon of beauty" or sterotypical, it was just a quick paint over to show you very basicly what you could do to improve it.

well here's a tiny bit more indepth.
http://www.seriks.com/po/poop.jpg

First off what i can see right off with your's and the reference is that your painting, the girls torso is facing the viewer straight on. The reference on the other hand her torso is facing slightly to the right (almost 3/4). I think youre relying too much on the details to give you the information.

1) This just shows in blue and red, blue the side of the box, red, the front.
2) top view of a simplified ribcage, side and front again. simple planes.
3)Is what yours is sort of conveying.
4)Because your painting her torso is straight on, you'll see some of both sides and the front. (unlike the reference were you'll just see a slight sliver of the right sideplane.
5)Again just reiterating the side planes

also, what i didnt show much is the center line which is very important. depending on where the center of the torso is you can tell which way they're facing.
Sooo what im saying is, you need to let the big masses show the form and let the details just reinforce it. not the otherway around.

hope that helps...

Pete MacDonald

July 9th, 2003, 12:56 AM

Hey Teg,
You know I never miss an opportunity to be critical of you ;)
I have 3 suggestions:
1. Her head is held too high and back on her shoulders, it seems unatural because it's an uncomfortable way to hold your head.

2. The perspective on the face is a bit wonky, it was worse on the earlier verson, the nose is draw from 3/4 view, but the right eye and cheek are draw nearly straight on. It needs a very subtle shift i think.

3. Lose the Star Wars Characters, they associate the whole peice with an IP which has seen better days. I'd prefer your character if she was from Tegehel land rather than from Lucas Land.

oops, I lied, I have 2 more:

4. Compositionally the bared leg and the light shaft lead your eye off the lower right of the canvas. Cover the leg with your hand and you'll see what I mean. I'm not sure what to do about it. seems like you'd want a shape that is perp to the light shaft there.

5. I think you'd benefit from a little tonal or hue separation between the girl and the background. Thier similarity serves to flatten the whole thing a bit. try shifting the whole background to a blue or cool green for example (might be a bit drastic, but you get the idea.)

p.s. I know you're pressed for time on this stuff, good work on the revisions of the orc piece btw.

Sammich

July 9th, 2003, 01:45 PM

I think you could leave the shadow in, but it's way too dark and hard-edged. The other problem is the white on her belly--it's visually confusing. White indicates a specular reflection, but with the light source above her like you've got, there would be no specular highlight on the flat part of her torso.

tegehel

July 9th, 2003, 05:04 PM

.stephen, thanks for the post.

.Sammich, thanks. for now, I removed the shadows. I also darkened the stomach.

.Pete, yeah, another opportunity to blast me, huh? :) anyhoo, thanks for the feedback. I've fixed thepiece based on some of your suggestions, but as you said, I don't have time to work on all of them, at least not until I come back from San Diego.

Did:
. reduced head a tad and lowered a bit (subtle)
. made background slightly greener (separate for/background)
. darkened shadows
. reworked the arms
. some wall changes
. darkened stomach, reworked it a bit (but I bet it still drive some of you nuts!)

That's all I'm gonna do for now. Thanks for watching and good night!

C.

http://www.tegehel.org/graphics/newfolio/colors/yodalisque2.jpg

cycrincy

July 26th, 2003, 04:07 AM

lol kill the ewoke :bash: lol, nice one

cycrincy

July 26th, 2003, 11:40 AM

where the hell did u get that pic lmao :D i want one ......by the way nice drawing keep it up and i wanna see more

Kress

July 26th, 2003, 08:30 PM

she seems to be in a pretty good mood for a jawa's slave. You'd think she'd kick his lil ass in the head and bounce. I would, punk ass jawas.

tegehel

July 27th, 2003, 11:12 AM

aaah my friends, you see, she's "suggestively" revealing her lightsaber for a purpose: Jawas'n'Ewoks puree, soon to be on the menu. She smiles because she has seen the future, and it's bloody fun, literally.

:nana

C.

TOPO

July 28th, 2003, 07:00 AM

Originally posted by tegehel
aaah my friends, you see, she's "suggestively" revealing her lightsaber for a purpose: Jawas'n'Ewoks puree, soon to be on the menu. She smiles because she has seen the future, and it's bloody fun, literally.

Sorry but, I must disagree, the puree will be Jawas Gazpacho Soup whit absolutely no ewok. Thats becouse the ewok (as every one can see) is saying "coool baby, I mean yeah! cool, move da one baby". Ewoks knows nothing about technology so he thinks it isn't a laser blade, he thinks she's taking some kind of sexual toy... truly!!

Oh, a nevermind post, sorry.