Cover Letters from Hell

[Elwell]

Why is it important to develop your verbal/written communication skills along with your visual ones if you want a career as a professional artist? In the first place, they often go hand in hand, as you can see from the posts here at CA. Good artists tend to be good writers, even (especially?) those who aren't native English speakers. Secondly, in today's world your first, and often your only, contact with potential clients/employers will be in written form. One Chicago ad agency was so flabbergasted by the cover letters they were getting with résumés that they started posting select excerpts on their site (http://www.killianadvertising.com/coverletters.html).
Some examples:
"Who's better to spew out incite, than a college senior ... ?"
"I also have a degree English which serves me well in editing text for poor grammer or typos."
"I also want to obtain a deeper understanding of how Advertising firms."
And of course...
"I am seeking a new position as i have recently been laid."

Much more (complete with snarky comments) on the site, along with this bit of advice:
An error-free letter is now so rare that the minimal care required to send a letter with zero defects, combined with a few crisply written simple declarative sentences, will, alone, guarantee a respectful reading of a résumé.

[Ilaekae]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

...and people wonder why I closed my company (and had five lawyers just to defend me on assault charges when it was open...)

[romance]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

...and people wonder why I closed my company (and had five lawyers just to defend me on assault charges when it was open...)

Were you running a muscle-for-hire operation?

Those quotes are priceless.

[Jason Snair]

At the place where I work at we just finished hiring some new graphic designers. After placing a few ads the responses started to pour in. The very first one that I opened and read had a link to a portfolio website that didn't work and an attached resume done in Word that was BLANK. (Just a stark white blank Word document)

I didn't even bother reading the cover letter.

Thanks for that link...i'll have to read it during lunch.

[hito]

Hahaha, I'm relieved that I wasn't on the list.

[nicolas]

oh man, I better start working on my writing skills......

[fedezz]

Me fail english? Unpossible.

[leecarter]

Hi all

I do see a lot of CVs daily, and grammar doesn’t bother me. I would give the job to the better artist, not the one with nicest most well written CV

Well I have to admit one of the reasons I don’t post much is the fact that my grammar and spelling is terrible. I am afraid of the intellectual elitists looking at what I have written rather than what I have drawn.
I had the joy of attending the worst school in the North East of England, which I know is no excuse but when you have students smearing shit on walls and the consent threat of violence you don’t particularly want to be there.
I didn’t do any exams and as for further education I was lucky enough to gain an unconditional entry into Art College and then went onto University to study illustration.

I’m 32 now and have spent the last 16 years as a fulltime artist and I still don’t know the difference between they, their, there. I once read a Judge Dredd comic strip and wondered why he called some one a mechanic; it wasn’t for years I realized he was calling them him a maniac :)
I’m never going to be a writer and if I do send art samples out I tend to keep any covering letter basic and straight to the point.

I do consider myself successful as I haven’t once had to have a normal job. Buy normal I mean non art related:) . And I do ok; I’m not a starving artist by any means. I can hold a conversation with most people but I can’t write for shit :)

I know what your saying but I really wouldn’t let mistakes in grammar put me off hiring an artist if his skills where good. I find verbal and social skills more of a plus than they writing ability.

This has all being written with help of spell check :)otherwise you would be laughing your socks off by now :)


http://www.myspace.com/carterworld

[dogfood]

So some people right bad?


Supposably, I guess.

Edit: Lee, while no one on these boards is perfect in their execution of the English language, there's an obvious difference between those who respect their readers (and at least try) and those who do not (and just throw in vast fields of text-speak and l33t-isms).

And for a job, just rereading something out loud would highlight most of the obvious errors. It's all about how much someone cares about communications.

[Steph Laberis]

In a few years, I anticipate this cover letter to be on this list.

"I'm an EXTREMELY passionate artist/equestrian/conceptual artist [deep/eternal passion!] and can get any job that I want to. So I gues I'm already hired! Can I bring my horse to the studio? I need to make at least $30,000 a year to feed him [he's sooooooooooooo pretty and we have infinite/eternal bonding!] but lol every artist makes that much!"

[Elwell]

Lee,

There's nothing wrong with your post, and no reason you should be self concious about posting more. It's well thought out, respectful of the audience, and straightforward. Obviously, a message board is a less formal situation than a job inquirey, and nobody's going to jump down people's throats for the occasional typo, misspelling, or awkward sentence.(If they were, I'd be just as screwed as anyone else.)

[Elwell]

In a few years, I anticipate this cover letter to be on this list.

"I'm an EXTREMELY passionate artist/equestrian/conceptual artist [deep/eternal passion!] and can get any job that I want to. So I gues I'm already hired! Can I bring my horse to the studio? I need to make at least $30,000 a year to feed him [he's sooooooooooooo pretty and we have infinite/eternal bonding!] but lol every artist makes that much!"
Bullseye!

[dmitri]

I just don't have it in me to find these "wow people write so bad" -listings funny... just really depressing. For one that people actually have such trouble writing, but also because there is always that one example I just can't get.

...and these always make me appreciate good teachers even more, for having the patience to teach… and, uh, still not ridicule anyone quite as publicly as this?
Now, I bet they see some really wild sentences!

I think I'd fall in to the "Thesaurus"-trap... but because my English teacher actually encourages us to use the biggest words we can come up with.

[entdroid]

Steph, that's just priceless :P

[Seedling]

Message boards can be great places to hone your writing skills. Just don't cut corners. Take seriously every sentence that you write; and as Elwell said, respect your audience.

[AmishCommy]

did i miss something? was there supposed to be a link to the site with your post, Tristan?

[Craig D]

Amish
click on the underlined section at the end of the paragraph. (in Elwells post)

[Interceptor]

It seems like it would be common sense to spend 5 minutes to spellcheck your cover letter, when you spent a couple months making your portfolio.

[John]

That link is great. I have [ deep passion ] for the writing of horses trampling over rainboew mine.

[magicgoo]

Heheh, great thread!

Here are a couple of great things my husband has heard at his (computer) job recently.

Case#1
Manager: ...Sure, just bring in your résumé.
Guy: Why?

Case#2
Guy walking in: What up, bro? You guys have jobs?

Case#3
Guy walking in: So do you have to have experience to work on computers?

[AmishCommy]

hmm, for some reason the link is not showing up in Firefox.

got it with safari.

[Justin.]

Haha, some of these are great.

I think we should all follow Coro's example... u know what i mean?

[Elwell]

hmm, for some reason the link is not showing up in Firefox.

got it with safari.
That's bizarre, i posted it with Firefox and it works for me.
Here it is out in the open: http://www.killianadvertising.com/coverletters.html

[Lone Wolf]

LOL! That's why I always have two diffrent people read my cover letters,before I send them out. :rendered:

[Carnifex]

i think all i can say is ouch. i'm speechless. probably from laughing.

[JAG.]

alright, here's my two cents: i didnt read every single post, so i may be repeating something, but correct grammar and exceptional writing skills are very necessary to communicate in the business world... ANY business world. if you [or a company] consider yourself to be a 'professional', then you must communicate as a professional. it's hard to take serious someone who speaks, thinks, acts, or expresses themselves as a 13 yr. old would.. unless you happen to be a certified genius [which most of us aren't ;)]

we have customers from all over the country involved in my business dealings, and when we come upon a client/contractor that doesn't communicate appropriately, the initial mind-set in the office is "these guys don't knw what they're talking about.. they must be noobs, lets give them a hard time because they won't know any better" and we laugh at them.

then there's the customers that scare us with how much presence and intelligence they have and we MUST reciprocate that to them in order to be respected as a business.

when you're in company of friends and familiars.. speak any way you like.. who cares. but in a profession, be a professional... and learn to communicate accordingly.

there's a noticable difference in someone who speaks correctly... and someone that talks good ;) - JAG

[0kelvin]

In a few years, I anticipate this cover letter to be on this list.

"I'm an EXTREMELY passionate artist/equestrian/conceptual artist [deep/eternal passion!] and can get any job that I want to. So I gues I'm already hired! Can I bring my horse to the studio? I need to make at least $30,000 a year to feed him [he's sooooooooooooo pretty and we have infinite/eternal bonding!] but lol every artist makes that much!"

Hahaha!

Great link Elwell!



0kelvin

[Jove]

Well, even though I’m Swedish myself I’ve experienced both clients and contractors who’ve just amazed me with their abuse of the English language. But as people stated before me; what it comes down to is whether the person is polite or not. To at least spell-check your mail is a simple matter of respecting the recipient enough to try and make it easier for him/her to read it.

[JAG.]

un.... -believable - JAG

[demented]

Artists too often have a very disappointing attitude towards written/spoken communication. I'm not worried that much about typos and common errors - heck I make them all the time - but sometimes it seems like sentence structure isn't quite the thing today. It's horrifying how people struggle to explain the simplest of things.

We were recently required to review fellow student's Visual Culture Essays. In one of the essays, the opening sentence had 5 errors in it, and was completely ambiguous. Disgusting stuff.

The truth of the matter is, it doesn't matter how expressive your artworks are, if other people can't understand you then you're screwed.

- d.

[Jabo]

It's normal that personal managers or the likes disregard job applications that aren't well written. And I think that's fine. In a normal situation, an application is a pile of no more than 10 sheets of paper. So you have 10 pages to fill in correctly with no urgent time limit. Most people have friends and those friends might write a letter each year or more. And most people read. So you can ask for help. If it's all gone, you can even have it typed by someone else. It's the content that is important, but the shell of well written sentences is what does the advertising at first glance. If you have done the job until after the first important sentence is done, in which you can convince the company that you're the right one, a typo or two might not be a problem. A good application is to the applicant what a good ad is to a company. If it works, you make money with it. If there's a typo in the major headline, you will be laughed at or (even worse) be ignored.

Hm. I have a good overall understanding of lingo, my native language is near-perfect (we had a spelling reform for the last 10 years, mind you!). But I'm a little wonky when it comes to English. English in it's day-to-day form is easier than German, but some things don't work right. I have some problems with preposition (at, for, to, etc.) and your lower-case system will never be compatible with my brain. I guess I have to speak English in real-life. Reading and writing is so much easier. Take your time, ask LEO, you know. Speaking is different. And it's essential. You have to speak to become a good writer.

[Skank]

This is why I'm glad i have a kickass writing teacher in school right now. I never realized how important it would be for me. And the fact that I barely finished grade school, and never attended high school makes my lack of knowledge even more glaring.

[Carnifex]

don't know about your school,but mine had me learn english for 8 years,so i guess i'm good enough at it :)
(of course i get things mixed up too sometimes)
edit: @jabo

[Jabo]

Yeah Carnifex, same here, and I had an excellent english teacher. She was a strict bitch, but that's the best thing that could happen to me. And, of course, the internet helps alot. But it destroys much aswell, d0nt 'ya th1nk?

[Carnifex]

agreed :D that's why i go to workshops. after one week of speaking english i almost can't go back at times. (or reading a really good book,like some of george r.r. martin's)

[Justin.]

I wish the US would start Language earlier... They don't really start it until 8th grade, which is WAY too late. they should start in Kindergarden; it should go

-Write in Journals
-listen to morning announcements, stand for pledge
-Do DOL (Daily oral language... some kinda thing we did)
-Spanish/Mandarin/German/French,
-Naptime
-Art for the bottom half of the day.

[JAG.]

it's not just that though.. its how we hear it everyday. a majority of people don't speak correctly, nor write correctly and it gets progressively worse every year. slang is almost normal now and 'proper english' sounds weird. spelling is also getting worse.. an nobody seems to mind. - JAG

[0kelvin]

And, of course, the internet helps alot.
Apparently not enough. (http://wsu.edu/~brians/errors/alot.html)
:teeth:


0kelvin

[Alexandr Pascenko]

i thinking with my right side of the brain that i do much. so i´m an artist;)
the left brain side is rotten. ... if this goes on , i ´ll must submit a comic strip of my application wich will be well readable by only viewing:D:D:D how i could bring this company further ,that it will be drawn in it very quick.

[JAG.]

king illegal forest, to pig wild, kill in it a is!

rip mel brooks.. - JAG

[I.was.ink]

This guy can self ignite upon request. AMAZING!!!
"I am a motivated, self-igniting person..."

This guy invents new words on the spot! Now thats talent!!!
"Objective: To work in a challenging environment that allows me to use my imaginatiation...."

I don't see why any of them weren't hired...
:)

-ink

[DavePalumbo]

oh man, some great ones, but so painful! This is why it takes me an hour to write a short email

[LaPalida]

Good artists tend to be good writers, even (especially?) those who aren't native English speakers.

Haha. I don't think this is true. I grant that the admins may be better at writing and verbal communication than your average poster and on art forums admins tend to be professional artists rather than just some joe shmoe.

[Jabo]

Apparently not enough. (http://wsu.edu/~brians/errors/alot.html)
:teeth:


0kelvin

Haha, nice pick. Thanks! I always felt it was strange :P

[Carnifex]

rip mel brooks.. - JAG
um...what?

[JAG.]

um...what?

oh c'mon now.. thats a line from this movie:

http://img181.imageshack.us/img181/6853/robinhoodmenintightsdvdmediumzz6.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

mel brooks is the director of that and this:

http://img146.imageshack.us/img146/4365/spaceballslw4.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

thats mel brooks in the lower right corner. but he died a while back..

anyway.. back to the cover letters and bad english ;) - JAG

[Elwell]

thats mel brooks in the lower right corner. but he died a while back..
Mel Brooks is very much alive. He's working on a Spaceballs cartoon and a Broadway musical version of Young Frankenstien.

[JAG.]

man you're aboslutey right... WTF was i smoking?? why on earth did i think he was dead?!.. thanks for clearing that up. man im retarded.. im gonna go play on the freeway. :bashful: :nohope: - JAG

[Steph Laberis]

I seriously just did a google search to see if Mel had died this morning... THANKS JAG.

"I knew it, I'm surrounded by assholes!"

[JAG.]

heh, sorry Steph.. didnt mean to raise any pulses. ;) i'll make it up to you.. - JAG

[2medusa]

A few more examples of job applicants' grammatical mishaps can be found here: http://www.resumania.com/arcindex.html

One of my favorites from the site:

LANGUAGES: "Speak English and Spinach."

Must be what they teach at the culinary academy.

[A.Cerasoli]

Ralph Wiggum said it the best:

"Me fail English? That's unpossible!"

:)

[llothcat]

Haha, some of these are great.

I think we should all follow Coro's example... u know what i mean?


?

The part where he scans in his @#$@% for background texture?

I'm confused...but then, that's no surprise.

[Carnifex]

Mel Brooks is very much alive. He's working on a Spaceballs cartoon and a Broadway musical version of Young Frankenstien.
exactly. but it seems you've come to senses jag :)
isn't he working on a remake of "the producers" aswell?

[Justin.]

?

The part where he scans in his @#$@% for background texture?

I'm confused...but then, that's no surprise.


Yeah, that's the solution! I bet upon seeing Coro's fuzzy sack, he is hired on the spot. Maybe if I can tatoo that texture.. it will have the same effect.

[sciboy]

exactly. but it seems you've come to senses jag :)
isn't he working on a remake of "the producers" aswell?

I enjoyed the stage production, saw it last year although i think the remake you have in mind is the film adaption of it.
I have no idea what will happen to it with him gone. :nohope:

[GriNGo]

Thanks for the heads up Elwell, it was a hilarious read! Reminded me of my own writing mistakes!

[Elwell]

I enjoyed the stage production, saw it last year although i think the remake you have in mind is the film adaption of it.

The film version of the stage version of the Producers came out quite a while ago (at least in the states) and tanked.