So.. hungry..

[Jove]

- Getting my throat cut tomorrow –

Literally actually, It was a year ago or so that I started wondering why I was so irritable some days and fell asleep just about any time of the day just about anywhere, so I went to the doctor and had myself checked. Turns out I got this sleeping apnoea thing where you stop breathing in intervals during the night and it can potentially kill you sooner or later as it wears out the heart and make you do really stupid things during the day due to sleep deprivation (Like breaking my finger as I attempt to jump into my bed and misses). A year later and I’m finally getting my surgery done tomorrow (!).They're going to do allot of shit with my throat/mouth tomorrow so I won't exactly be in heaven the following weeks and I don't know how long I'll be doing painkillers and be to drugged up to do much of anything. I’m supposed to be asleep by now but I’m way too jumpy for that.

Anyhow, I’ve been a member here at CA for almost two years now and it just dawned on me that even though I’ve browsed this forum for so long, learned so much and gotten used to so many people around here. I’ve just about not learned to know anyone or hardly made any posts myself.

I’m an extremely social bugger otherwise and I hardly ever get to meet any artists in my everyday life so I really should take this great opportunity to actually say hello to all you crazy artists who keep inspiring me and who’ve been a part of my life for so long. I’ve wanted to go to the workshops ever since I first found this place but there is so much stuff going on in my life that I haven’t been able to, but rest assured that I will show up on one of those things within the coming years (Keep a look out for a really tall Swede with a stupid smile on his face and a big camera in his hands, looking like he reached nirvana)

So, consider this my long due introduction and way of saying “Hi everyone!” and thanks for all the laughs, inspiration and for making this place a generally great community!

And of course I’d like to send my humble gratitude to the guys at Massive Black for kick starting this un-stoppable snowball of artistic dreams and visions known as conceptart.org. Keep doing your thing and sooner or later you’ll realise that you’ve inspired and helped just about a whole generation of young struggling artists from all over the world.

Best regards
//Jove

[sve]

Wish you get well really soon and never have this problem anymore! Write to us to inform us how you are when you will be able to do it.
Regards.
Sveta

[Carnifex]

good luck with operation dude,hope you recover soon and then really start posting some works of yours. and welcome btw :)

[Seedling]

Good luck, and nice to meet you. :-) I hope you recover quickly and start enjoying nights of uninterrupted sleep soon!

[moopuff]

Yeah man. Get well soon. It's good that you get that thing taken care of.
When you get back we all want to see your stuff :^^:

[JL.Alfaro]

pray for the best, I wish you the best on your operation..oh and nice to meet you !

[Elwell]

Good luck, I hope it changes your life.

[Hyver]

speaking with second-hand experience, good luck, and hang in there

[Jabo]

g'luck, hope you get well after the surgery. My dad had his throat cut due to a herniated disc, but he recovered very quickly, even worked the next day.

[Jove]

Hello everyone, I just got back home and I’m currently re-defining my personal understanding of the word ”pain”. Great fun in a “please kill me now” kind of way, I haven’t eaten or slept in two days now and I’m on some freaky medication so I’m currently in a bit of a funky state of mind to say the least.


@sve: Many thanks for the support; I’ll keep you posted on my adventures.

@Carnifex: Thanks man, your one of the people I feel like I already know somewhat, I’ve seen your stuff, your photos and even photos of you as well ;)

@Seedling: Thanks, nice to meet you to :)

@moopuff: Thanks, I’ll definitively start posting some stuff as soon as my head is clear enough and I got something to show :)

@JLAIfaro: Thanks, glad to meet you to.

@Elwell: Thanks man, my hat of to you, you’ve given me many laughs and things to ponder over the years.

@Hyver: Thanks, you went through the surgery as well?

@Jabo: Thanks, well I’m heavily medicated and still in a lot of pain/discomfort right now and the Doc say I’m not supposed to do anything for 10 days but I hope for a quicker recovery then that.

The faint or easily disgusted can skip the next part:

Well I’ve had some great adventures the last days, the most disturbing being yesterday when I against my best knowledge decided to have a peek down my throat to se how it looked. I got up from my bed and dragged my gismo on wheels with me (the rack with nutrition and such going through tubes into my hand.) I slowly stumbled to the bathroom in my sexy hospital shirt, they don’t really make the shirts in sizes for guys 1,97m tall so I must have looked pretty stupid. I firmly grabbed the sink and looking in the mirror I slowly pried my mouth open as wide as I could, man that was a mistake. A, it fricking hurt, bad. And b, it looked like something from a horror movie, There where stitches everywhere and everything was just an un-even stitched mess back there. The natural primal reaction to this turns out to be vomiting and I feel my stomach starting to spasm, well I’m no rocket scientist but I realize that if I vomit right now I’m in for a really shitty experience so I fight it with everything I got, it takes about 10-15 minutes for me to breath normally again but at least I managed to stop myself from throwing up. I’d take a photo of my mess of a throat for you guys and galls If I didn’t know that it would probably make me vomit and now that I’m at home and not at the hospital that would probably be an even more un-pleasant experience. Anyhow, I’ll keep you guys posted on my trip to recovery.

Much love
//Jove

[Pixel8]

Hey Jove, if you're on weird medicine, try doing some drawing. Not only will it take your mind off the pain for a while, but you may draw some really freakish stuff! LOL

Hang in there, buddy!

[Scubasteve]

Hey man, why couldn't you just get a C-PAP machine. I have a terrible case of sleep apnea. I recently got a machine that pumps air into my lungs as I sleep. Im assuming you were given this option already? I guess its too late if not since you already got the operation, but I hope everything works out for you. It sure does suck not getting your sleep dude, and it will change your life. It did mine. God Bless and a speedy rec. to you.

[Onir]

Hey Jove, didn't see this post until today and it seems like you were able to get through surgery alright. I haven't had any serious surgery myself (only surgery I've really had was getting my wisdom teeth removed, which many probably wouldn't consider anything at all hehe) but I really feel for ya; just keep yourself occupied and I'm sure you'll start to feel better really soon :) get well soon and nice to meet ya!

[Seedling]

No more peeking at those stitches if doing so is going to make you barf! ;-) You'll be glad you went through this once you've healed up a bit. In the mean time, enjoy some well-earned rest and relaxation!

[Jove]

@Pixel8: Haha, thanks. I’m mostly trying to sleep or watching movies, I haven’t had any food for a while now and I’ve dropped four kilos so I’m trying not to do anything to active or I get a bad headache.

@Scubasteve: A what now? How come no one told me before? I went to the doctor, they made some tests and said I needed surgery, end of that. I didn’t get to hear of any magic machine :/ Even though, if this fixes it permanently I guess it’s easier then bringing with you a machine everywhere? Thanks for the support.

@Onir: Thanks for the support man, glad to meet you to.

@Seedling: I’ve learned that lesson ;) Yeah that’s what I keep telling myself, I’m doing my best to relax but mostly I’m just trying not to think of how freaking hungry I am! :S

Here’s a self-portrait I did the night before my surgery, I’ve changed it slightly now after the surgery, have a look in my sketchbook if you want to see the original.
38263

Thanks for all the support guys and galls, it means a lot!

[dogfood]

I was thinking about you. I had about half a pound of gum-line removed a couple months ago and it doesn't sound half as bad as this.

On the plus side, that SP rocks, by Jove!

[magicgoo]

Wow, this sounds like hell, Jove. Hope you are feeling better really quickly.

My mother-in-law also has sleep apnea, but uses the CPAP machine too. She only uses it at night. It stays by her bed side and fits over her face like a gas mask. Maybe your case was more severe and surgery was the only way out? I wonder why no one told you about the machine either...

[Jove]

@dogfood: They took some gum, my tonsils and the uvula (that thing that looks like a boxing ball) Thanks, It’s the first self-portrait I actually feel happy with :) I constantly get this “by jove” remark :S As far as I understand it, it derives from some book-series or something like that? I’ve been called Jove ever since High school as people tended to think that “Jan-Ove” was too much of a fuss to actually say in full and since I never really liked my originally name it stuck with me. I actually introduce myself as Jove nowadays and I decided years ago to legally change my name to Jove as well, it’s my name and have been for so long now that the only reason I haven’t changed it yet is because I keep forgetting I have a “old” name still attached to me according to the government.

@MikeCorriero: I’m doing reasonably well, I’ve actually got some 7-8 hours of consistent sleep tonight and that felt wonderful, and as long as I pop my pills time passes by fairly quickly :) Thanks for the support.

@Magicgoo: Nah, hell is a little over exaggerated; I still got my mental and physical health and I know that the pain is just a side effect of a hopefully wonderful overall improvement of the rest of my life. There are a lot of people who are a lot worse of then me, sure it hurts like nothing I’ve ever experienced before and I literally haven’t eaten anything, and hardly drank anything since last Tuesday but hey, I lost 5,5 Kilos now! As it turns out this was one of a hell of a “diet” and once I’ back on my feet I’ll appreciate food like never before ;) Yeah I have to ask them about that CPAP gizmo when it’s time for my check-up, when I said it must be troublesome taking it with you everywhere I meant if you travel or sleep over at a friends place etc?

[dogfood]

From tinyonline:
Jove is the older Roman name for the god Jupiter, deriving from an alteration of Jovis pater, father Jove. Jupiter was the god of the sky, the sovereign deity who had powers over both gods and men. From medieval times, Jove has been used in English as a poetical form of Jupiter. It has also been linked with Jehovah, a form of the Hebrew name of God used in some translations of the Bible. By Jove, used as a mild oath, dates back to the 16th century. It was originally a way of calling on a higher power without using the blasphemous by God.

[Jove]

@dogfood: *Cough* What now? Dang, that name may give me some strange looks when I leave Sweden, oh man. Is this common knowledge or is it just something historically interested people know of? I’m planning to move to Canada or US in a couple of years and I don’t want to be seen as nutcase who’s just to full of himself, I’m a rather humble guy really.

[Elwell]

I wouldn't worry about it. We have all sorts of people with all sorts of unusual names over here (country of immigrants, "rugged individualism," blah blah blah). Do you pronounce the e as a separate syllable? In English it's silent.

[Ilaekae]

Jove, my sympathies...

I've avoided posting before because I have this uncontrollable urge to make fun of people, but having had mouth surgery a number of times, I felt like a prick trying to make you laugh...

...then you stick your diced meat leftovers in front of the mirror to see what they look like and almost hurl. Sorry...couldn't top that if I tried...:x ...and here I was starting to think you sounded sooOOOOOooooooo intelligent for a split second...

Don't worry about your name in the colonies...these bastards don't know how to read and wouldn't recognize the history of it if they were forced to concentrate with a baseball bat. As for your operation...the mouth heals faster than any other part of the body. You should be through the worst soon. And long range, you'll benefit from the ability to sleep...

Relax, rest, think about the future and all the stupid mistakes you'll be able to make, and pretty soon, the pain will be gone...

...oh, and I bought you a present. it's one of those magnifying mirrors like chicks use for make-up. Drop me a line and I'll send it Fedex... :tihi:

[Jove]

@Elwell: Ah, yeah and I guess that I can just explain that it’s short for J(an-)Ove if anyone asks. Over here everyone pronounces the “e”, I guess the “o” is spoken out more clearly here as well; it’s more of a sound in itself then just an extension of the “j” as I guess it would be in English.

@Ilaekae: Hahaha, yeah some friends of mine got to hear my voice the other day for the first time after the surgery and they laughed so they cried, I cursed them for making me laugh as well as it hurt.

Isn’t curiosity a sign of intelligence? Anyhow, you have an IQ test while you’re on two-three strong painkillers and just had surgery done yourself and we’ll see ;)

Haha, well I guess I don’t have anything to worry about beside heavily armed illiterate hicks then :P Yeah, I’ve actually managed to sleep well the last couple of nights and felt more rested during the days then I have done in a very long time, I’m still pretty drugged up and dizzy from lack of food but still, it feels damn good.

Haha, oh man, I don’t think that mirrors would be such a good idea, just put it in your purse and keep it ;) And thanks on the support man; a good laugh always helps, even if it hurts somewhat ;)



In total I’ve lost 6,5 Kilos now and I’ll probably loose more before this is over but today I actually managed to eat a very small plate of pasta and sausage! After that I felt stuffed, guess that says something about my food consumption lately when I’m stuffed on a quarter of a normal meal. Now I’m just longing for the meals to actually be enjoyable to eat instead of a troublesome/painful and time-consuming task.

[Bowlin]

Hope the throat heals faster for you. It will pass in time, don't get too agitated. :)

[Carnifex]

oh man,not eating is probably one of the worst things i know. i get itchy whenever i have only fever and can't eat that much,so being in your situation would probably drive me really crazy. although by the sounds of it,you are already rather crazy from the drugs :D
well,maybe you'll make it to the italian workshop so you can actually meet me. feels so strange to get recognized right away :D
good luck with your further healing process,nice to hear you're sleeping better already atleast. have you ever tried "sonjastek"? one of the yummiest swedish recipes i know. (or was it danish?)

[Jove]

@Bowlin: Thanks man, I’m finally starting to feel like a human being again and I’m sleeping better then I can remember that I’ve ever done before :)

@Carnifex: Yeah it did pretty much drive me nuts, yesterday I had my first full meal again and it felt great, for an hour or so, then I had some intense stomach pains. I guess I need to take it more gradually for my stomach to adapt to eating normally again :S Yeah that would be great, I’d love to meet all the CA nuts and Italy isn’t that far actually. I’ve never heard of the “sonjastek” but I’m rarely bothered with specific stake names to be honest, I just eat them ;)

[Scubasteve]

Hey Jove, I asked about surgery, they told me their wasn't any surgery to fix it. Go figure. THe CPAP has drawbacks of its own. If you can imagine driving down the road about 60 miles an hour with your head sticking out the window and trying to sleep, thats kinda what its like. You do get used to it though. I might check into surgery again. Maybe its a new proceedure, or maybe the condition is caused by different things. Glad your feeling better and SLEEPING better.

Oh one other drawback about the CPAP machine... This is the kind of thing they don't tell you. You can imagine air pumping in your lungs all night at pretty steady pressure, well, it doesn't all go into your lungs. Some goes into your stomach, so every morning you have a bit of a gass problem.. Fun at first maybe :-) but gets old after the first month or so.

[Jove]

@Scubasteve: So, sleeping in a wind tunnel and when waking up it feels like you’ve eaten too many beans? ;) How big is the thing and are you limited when sleeping over at friends etc? I checked for you and it’s called “Uvulopalatopharyngoplasty” I did a search on Google and got over 90.000 hits so I guess it’s real. Although as far as I understand it, it mainly helps when the problem is caused by the airways more or less collapsing when you are unconscious, I did some reading on the CPAP machine as well and as far as I understand it, it’s used to treat the same thing as is simply creates a overpressure in the airways thus hindering them from collapsing. It seems that the surgery won’t help as much if the problem is at the base of the tongue though.

But after reading a couple of web pages I must say that the information can vary a lot between the sources and countries. I even read somewhere that they must do the surgery in several steps over time as it’s just too big of a shock on the body otherwise, and that some people refused more surgery after the first step as it hurt so bad the first time around. Well my surgeon went for the whole package at once and sure it was one heck of a ride but now that I’m starting to feel okay again I must say that it was definitively worth it even if I lost a lot of weight and got a new understanding of the concept “pain” ;)

I’m not fully healed yet but I’m not popping the strongest pills anymore and I’m already sleeping like a baby, the difference is simple amazing and I would recommend it to anyone with this problem as long as they have a decent threshold for pain and make sure that they have people with them during the healing process, my brother has been around and It helps tremendously just to have that support. The drawbacks I’ve noticed this far is that I pretty easily get stuff up my nose when I try to drink something and that my voice is slightly altered. I’ve read that you can train your voice to sound normal in most cases and I’m not to worried about that and I’m sure that I’ll get used to the nose thing and learn to swallow in a proper way so that it’s minimized.

But I must say that in the first days when I was trying to swallow my painkillers with some water and the fucking pills came flying out my nose every time I wasn’t to happy as every time I tried to swallow something it felt like a horse kicked me in the nuts. :S

[Noë]

Nice to meet you Jove :)
hope eating goes better soon, and I hope the throat heals quickly.
Oh and that's a really nice SP you got there.

love
Marleen

[Mr Man]

Good luck man and dont stop drawing :teeth:

[Scubasteve]

Damn, that does sound rough Jove!
Thanks for the info. I wonder if its considered too risky in the US or something like that. The CPAP macine isn't big at all, it comes with a backpack to carry it around easily. You can set a timer on it so that it gradually builds up air pressure as you fall to sleep, so you don't half to deal with the full pressure while falling asleep. The mask can be a little problematic at times, not wanting to stick to you face and so fourth and its a bit annoying having to clean it every night. I dunno if I would have went with the surgery or not, but it does suck wearing the mask. On the other hand no sleep sucks worse. I can't wait to wear it at night cause I know Im gonna sleep. Anyway, sorry about all that mumbo jumbo!

Keep taking those meds bro!

[Jove]

@Noë: Nice to meet you to :)
I’ve eaten a lot today without any stomach problems so I’m very happy.
Many thanks on the compliment; I’ll get back to updating it soon :)

@Mr Man: Thanks man, no risk on that happening, I live and breathe for the art ;)

@Scubasteve: No problem, being to risky sounds odd, we have one of the best healthcare systems in the world in Sweden as far as I know (those damn taxes have to go somewhere) Maybe it’s simply so new and untested that some areas haven’t adopted it yet. I know a guy who went to the same school as me a while back that had about the same surgery as me. I can’t even sleep with a t-shirt on, so I think I’d go mad if I had something on my face :S I’m so looking forward to the coming months and trying life as a normal functional human being. I’m staying in bed in the mornings simply because I enjoy it nowadays and I don’t even feel tired, it’s great :)

I had to stop taking those crazy meds as soon as the pain started subsiding, Just one pill made me so high I just lay on the floor flowing out into my own personal space ;) I still take the pills that prevents infection but I’d rather be in a little pain then taking those fricking horse tranquilizers :P

[JL.Alfaro]

Hope you get all better soon, cause it sounds like-its not so fun- type of deal. Ill pray for you today

Edit: I just noticed in your profile it says Religion: Atheist
I'll pray for that too! :)

[Jove]

@JLAlfaro: I'm just about back to normal today actually, the praying did wonders. ;) I'm at peace with myself and my place in the world but thanks for the concern none the less, It's very appreciated :)

[Noë]

can you drink allright now?
Must be hard to have water flying out through your nose when you just want to drink :P

love
Marleen

[Jove]

@Noë: Haha, yeah I'm drinking and eating just fine now and I don't take any pills so I'd say I'm just about recovered actually :)

Thanks for the support through this everyone, I'm more or less back to normal so It's time to get busy with the art again! I'll see some of you fellas in the Guys calendar project :)

[Kian]

My god brother, thats some intense news. I hope you're ok and doing well. Sorry for being uber slow on the uptake too.
Take care mate :yayca:

Jon