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adien
June 1st, 2003, 06:29 AM
A caller was concerned about seeing occasional flying toasters on her screen. She wanted to know if this was normal. She was familiar with fish appearing on her screen, but thought something might be wrong when the flying toasters appeared. Tech support told her that the flying toaster is a normal phenomenon and inherent in her screensaver technology. She started giggling uncontrollably and hung up.


A tech got a call from a legal secretary, who told him her monitor wasn't working. She asked him if he would please drop by and replace the bulb.


A woman called tech support about internet connection problems. The tech couldn't help noticing it took her an unusually long time to do the simplest task- such as selecting an item from a menu. When asked about it, she said that her cat had eaten her mouse ball, and she therefore had to move the cursor by putting her finger into the cavity where the ball used to be, and moving the rollers manually.


The caller was having trouble with the cartridges in her ink-jet printer.
Caller: So then I bought a new cartridge, and it printed fine for about half a page.
Tech: Ok.
Caller: Then it quit putting ink on the paper, so I figured something was clogging the cartridge.
Tech: That's right. You see-
Caller: Wait, let me tell you what I did. I figured the cartridge wasn't getting enough air through it, so I drilled a hole in the side of it-
Tech: You what?
Caller: I know, I know, I shouldn't have done that. Basically, I'm just calling to ask if i should use paper towels to sop up all the ink in the in the bottom of the printer, or would it void my warranty if I drilled a hole in the bottom of the printer to let it drain out?


"Over the phone, we were trying to help our customer try to figure out how to operate a program. Because this was a Canadian customer, the call was long distance, and the stress was high. Over and over again, we'd instruct our Canadian friend to press Control-A. But somehow, our communications were getting garbled, our customers were getting nowhere."
( i'll leave this one unfinished. if no-one gets it, i'll come back and deliver the last line. )


:chug: :rofl: :ahha: :clapping2 :dance: :nana

ZippZopp
June 1st, 2003, 10:55 AM
hmmm, tryin to figure that last one out...the others are pretty funny.

the funniest i got is when i was working at a computer place, a guy came in with just his monitor and said to us, 'can you upgrade this to windows 95' hahahaha

togusa
June 2nd, 2003, 11:26 PM
control EH, control EH.

gah. silly americans. you and your moronic monkey boy of a president. where are the wmd's, eh?

adien
June 3rd, 2003, 07:02 AM
lol, yea, the last part of that joke goes:

"At last, trying to maintain our cool, we said, "Ok, just press Control-A, and tell us what happens."
Our customer, a little exasperated himself, replied, "Ok, I've press Control eh? And nothing happened eh?"

:D

Erik
June 3rd, 2003, 08:17 AM
A man calls tech support and says "My computer is not working."
Tech support: "Ok, are you behind your computer now?"
"No"
"Then please go and sit behind your computer."
after a while: "Ok, i'm there now."
"What can you see?"
"Cables."
"Cables?"
"Yes. Cables."
"..."

A variant:
A man calls tech support and says "My computer is not working."
Tech support: "Ok, are you behind your computer now?"
"No"
"Then please go and sit behind your computer."
after a while: "Ok, i'm there now."
"What can you see?"
"Nothing. It's dark, the power is out."
"..."

And an oldie:
A girl calls the tech support:
"The screen says press any key but i can't find the any key. What should i do?"

lol

negativespace
June 4th, 2003, 05:45 PM
Erik: Do you watch the Simpsons. Homer started up his computer and it said press any key to begin but he couldn't find the any key.

adien
June 4th, 2003, 07:36 PM
lol, the "any key" tech joke was old long before it appeared on simpsons. :)
although that simpsons episode was great. :)

jarvis2824
June 4th, 2003, 09:57 PM
A buddy of mine was in tech support for a while and he actually had an older lady call him saying that her computer was posessed by a demon. This was because a mailer daemon returned an email she sent to a non-existent address by one letter.

Chris