Matrix inspired comic page

[Groady]

This is my first ever attempt at doing a comic page. It's not without it's flaws. Not too happy with the top right frame. Feedback welcome.

http://www.fatarts.com/images/comicpage.jpg

[Kortez]

Nice, clean linework, Especially the close-up of the eye.

Next time, go for something a little crazier and dynamic regarding the placement of the panels, you should check out "Comics and Sequential Art" by Will Eisner regarding that.

I agree with you about the top right panel. One quick crit, her back and butt look a bit off when she's walking towards the door, but aside that - Good job :)

[jarvis2824]

The gun barrel should look bigger in the fish-eye peep hole. Also, the pose in the upper-right panel seems that she's walking away from the door instead of startled by the knock and intrigued as to who is on the other side (as suggested in the quick motion lines for the snap of the head and the mumbled "huh?").

I know that the book is aimed more towards video and film media, but I would also suggest Bruce Block's book, but I can't quite remember the title. I will edit it in later.

Chris

P.S. Looks a lot better than my first attempt.

[enoc]

pretty cool some more shading would be nice though

:D [TASKINLUDE] (http://active-x.net/taskinlude/) :D

[krayz]

Sequential art is no easy task and you've done well seeing as it's your first. Nice clean linework. Anatomy is a bit off but not something I'd worry about too much.

Few things...

(1) The hand that's knocking is the same hand he has the gun in. Have his left hand knock on the door. Imagine yourself walking up to a door with a gun on your person.. you'd have it out ready and you wouldn't knock on the door with the gun in your other hand then as soon as you've knocked on, switch the gun to the hand that's knocked on the door (your gun hand). You'd knock on with your empty hand with your gun ready in your gun hand (or you'd even knock on with your gun but the story you want to tell, you want it to remain a mystery who's knocking until the last panel).

(2) The 3rd panel where she goes "HUH?".. it doesn't seem like she's been disturbed.. I'd personally have her sitting down so she has to get up. Just makes the flow more interesting imo. As it stands (no pun intended) she's already up. Also, you could have a clock on the wall showing the time (we know it's night time from the first panel but showing the time goes a little further in adding to it.. since we know it's nighttime, if you had a clock showing 2.. we'd know it's 2am and no one should really be knocking at that time).

(3) The 4th panel where she's going to the door.. for one the panel is too bare.. have a photo frame or a painting on the wall and maybe a small table with a phone.. the kind of photo/painting and phone will do a lot to define her personality. Another thing.. where you have her it looks like shes gonna walk into the wall. Plus the door... it looks more like a cabin door than an apartment door.

(4) Panel 6... the profile view where she looks 'shocked'.. you have the shocked view again in panel 7. I'd take out panel 6 and have panel 5 fill that.. like show all of her face.. could show more of what she's thinking like "who the hell is knocking at this hour"..

(5) I agree about the gun needing to be bigger in the last panel.

Just seems a little stiff and doesn't really flow too good. Other than that it looks cool. Good job for your first.

These are just my opinions btw.

[sandgrain]

she needs a larger ass. looks unproportionate to the rest of her body for some reason.

that's the the first thing i noticed ;)