graphic novel ashcan (large dl)

[Francis]

Hi!

A couple of buddies of mine and I collaborated on a 3-part self-published comic project. I've posted the pages from my part of the book below. You can check out their work on their blogs:

Dave Wilkins: http://400lbninja.blogspot.com/
Todd Uyeminami: http://toddartblog.blogspot.com/
mine: http://francistsai.blogspot.com/

Anyway, now that it is done, there's definitely a lot of things I'd do differently. Isn't that always the case though...? :) Sorry for the mega large images - I wanted the text to be somewhat readable.

http://www.teamgt.com/temp/072006/DSC00264web.jpg
http://www.teamgt.com/temp/072006/DSC00265web.jpg
http://www.teamgt.com/temp/072006/01.jpg
http://www.teamgt.com/temp/072006/02.jpg
http://www.teamgt.com/temp/072006/03.jpg
http://www.teamgt.com/temp/072006/04.jpg
http://www.teamgt.com/temp/072006/05.jpg
http://www.teamgt.com/temp/072006/06.jpg
http://www.teamgt.com/temp/072006/07.jpg
http://www.teamgt.com/temp/072006/08.jpg
http://www.teamgt.com/temp/072006/09.jpg
http://www.teamgt.com/temp/072006/10.jpg
http://www.teamgt.com/temp/072006/11.jpg
http://www.teamgt.com/temp/072006/12.jpg
http://www.teamgt.com/temp/072006/13.jpg
http://www.teamgt.com/temp/072006/14.jpg

[Coinpurse]

wow! i love this, great job with the characters. That cat is great, especially in this pic:

http://www.teamgt.com/temp/072006/12.jpg

lots of personality, great humor, that chick has a hot body and a great ass. DAMN, you hit this shit spot on brotha!

Feed me more please!

[spudstudios]

wow...awesome. loving it. This is so much nicer than the average. More European feeling. It's a buyer for me!!

[Borilius]

Love it, man! Nice technique and the story is great. Keep em comming! :)

[e.j.roy]

Like what I see. To be honest your works probably the weakest of the three, but there's some really nice bits in it. Artworks mostly very good, but the narrative strikes my like it was an afterthought. Some panels seem very flat compared to others. Some are more dynamic than others. I like the goon and how you killed it. Heroine is very typical / seen it before.

Ultimately feels like you winged it a little. But I'd buy first couple of issues, looks promising. I'll keep my eye out.

Hope u sell a bundle

[Zeichentier]

Luv these!
Very cool style on her face and that nice hard body of that chick! 8)
*wants more*

[walnut]

I'm digging it. Your painted style works well in the comic medium. Think it's how you manage to keep a balance between flat and 3d.

[Cookiedough]

I'd certainly flip through it at my dealers. I really like the art, the fight is nice enough and the girl pretty enough.

Critting this overall though (i'm too lazy to read, so i haven't read all the balloons, so perhaps my crits are way off. I usually have to read comics at least twice, first i'll look at the pictures, thén i'll read again with text), i think the story is pretty slow, it only gets interesting when she hears the monster. This makes the first 2 or 3 pages too slow and some panels are therefore unnecessary imo. The same thing could've been told quicker i think.

What also bothers me a bit, is when she looks straight in the camera. 'Stop posing, missy! Fight that monsta!' is what i think then. Her expression is mostly the same in the first pages, she looks insanely bored imo. She only seems more 'alive' when the fight starts and she has to focus. So, some panels come off too much as modelpictures. I'd like some more variation in her expressions.

You got some neat junkyard there, but only in the first panel. After that, it's just vague and fuzzy. I think this could've been a bit more refined here and there, now it kinda seems as if you got somewhat lazy with the bg's. The reader gets to focus on the story, but it's nice to look at more panels going 'hey, i hadn't seen that type of trash or wtf is living on that junkyard'.

I think your anatomy is good, you got some awesome coloringskillz and these overall look really good. I just think you need some more practice with efficient storytelling.

Really neat project you made and you and your friends are definetely a tank with talent. Good job!

[Crash]

Well francis is fucking good to see that your alive heh.

The only nitpick i have is that the colors looks kind of muddy at times, an example for that is on the panel thestjester quoted, her neck looks a lilbit muddy.


But thats a nitpick=D


I hope to see more of you on these boards.

[Alexandr Pascenko]

wow. i felt in love right now , with the girl you´ve drawn.:groupie2:

[GriNGo]

good stuff man! cool style and story! the cat is just crazy! very good idea to start with.

[se7en_]

Love the painting technique, very loose and raw. Narative is not as interesting as dialog IMO. Otherwise cool shit.

[Pixeldragoon]

I can't say I liked the cat too much, but the rest of it is really nice.

Not the concept of the cat... Carl is cool, I just don't like how he was drawn =\ Colors and action are nice- thanks for posting it! Musta been hard work!

[Nightwatch]

Awesome work, I particularly like the almost guilty look the cat has in the last panel. I have actually seen cats give that look :D

[Mr. Visions]

Great stuff man, I'm glad to see that you got this published and everything, it's gotta feel great. Executionseems pretty decent, it could be pushed a bit more with some solid contrast, but hey, when getting a comic done it usually does hit you in the end. Also something I would majorly look at for story telling sake, try to vary your angles. You have something called "Talking Heads" going on, where we see the head in every single shot. Does each shot need the character's head in it? Does every shot need the Character in it? The camera is pretty much level through the entire story and it's not interacting with your character very well. Best way to fix this is to READ MORE Comics, plus you have alotta fun while you take in technique. Cool stuff though. I'm proud of ya -

- Visions

[voraz]

That edition seems pretty cool. If the other stories art is as good as your that should be great.
If I saw that selling I would buy right away!
Cheers

[sleep]

as cookiedough pointed out, throughout the whole comic you seem to avoid drawing her face in any angle except the same one, and with the same expression.
http://sean.gunsha.com/junk/paintover/faces.jpg
i have flipped and rotated some of these faces to show you what i mean, but generally they all look the same. there are very few instances where we can see her face from another angle clearly. it also looks like you're escaping having to draw her face from other angles by putting her at a distance from the 'camera' in various panels, and often having her face the opposite direction, so all we can see is some hair.

i don't know if this would clash with the plan or anything, but on the last panel, it would be better if the woman is holding the cat, or the cat is on her shoulder or something. the cat just seems out of place, next to her like that. it also feels odd that the body/midriff is shaded quite nicely and could be realistic, but as we get to the head it's just straight out cartoony. i'd make the face more realistic, or the more viable {in my opinion} option would be to change the shading on the body so that it doesnt clash with the rest of the style.

in the panel with the 'CRASH' and the cat backing up against the wall, it's not clear what's happening with the debris above the cat and the lady. at first glance i thought it could be crumbling down onto him, but seeing as he's fine in the next panel, it seems that the monster threw the rock above them. i'd suggesting looking into techniques that would emphasize the direction of the stuff being thrown or whatever

on the plus side, i like the colours and the linework in the action scenes. my favourite panels are 1. where she's jumping over the debris he's tossed at her, and 2. where the debris has just hit the monsters head. you've just got some stuff to work on, but i'd definately love to see more

[deviousg]

I love it - where can I get it!

[BillyDead]

Awesome... I love it too

[Pixel8]

Heyo. First up, congrats on completing such a terrific work. Very difficult task, and you deserve applause for that!

I'm not a big comic reader myself, but I've got to say I was bored by the dialogue. It was pretty choppy and could have been carried on through conversation or revealed over time throughout the work.

Example: starting out with, "but that's not my real name" could have been handled with "they call me" instead. Since you say a very similar thing about the location next. Repetitive.

The rest of the chatter is kind of pointless. Things like her skin healing up and tough skeleton could have been shown. Or have the cat say "holy crap! how you do that?" answer: "nanotech." "Isn't that illegal?" "Can't talk" SWOOP!!!! BASH!

You know.

I'll leave the art crits to those more qualified. Again, emphasis, GREAT JOB.

[StealthNachos]

This reminds me of the old Magic: The Gathering Nemesis comics. Not quite as good as those, but that doesn't mean this isn't good. Ties crits are pretty much what mine would have been. It turned out pretty nice though!

Also, I really want to see that one to the right on the cover. The guy with the gun? Obsidian6. That looks spectacular.

[N D Hill]

This... Needs to be on my book shelf.

[Francis]

Thanks for all the crits and feedback, they are excellent. Yeah there are definitely some shortcuts and places where my lack of experience with this kind of thing shows. The notes on pacing and storytelling confirm some of the suspicions I had - especially since I realized after doing most of the work that nothing really happens in my story. There's a lot of backstory, but as has been pointed out it just results in a very wordy comic where not too much happens for the first few pages.

Pixel8 - dang, I shoulda gotten you to write the dialogue! I like what you did.

Stealthnachos - check out Dave's blog - you can see all his pages posted there.

Exo - give us a few days; we will try to have something set up soon. If not, I might be able to just mail you a copy..

Billydead - thanks!

deviousg - thanks, I will see what I can do; originally our plan was to just create a number of copies to send to friends and colleagues.

tie - thanks for taking the time to write up that detailed crit, very much appreciated. Yep, all my heads look a like for sure, and great ideas on the specific panels...

voraz - thanks, I think the other guys' stories are at least as good if not better.

Mr Visions - thanks; I don't think I've ever been told to read *more* comics, but I certainly get your point. thanks for the feedback...

Nightwatch - yeah, we have two cats of our own, so I have a lot of inspiration there. I only wish I could capture some of their "expressions" better.

Pixeldragoon - yeah, I think I know what you mean - I am not completely satisfied with the way I've portrayed the cat character. I know what I want, just not exactly how to get it. Yet..

se7en_ - thanks; yup, I need more writing practice..

GriNGoLoCo - thank you

GOBLINSHARK - glad to hear that! Guess we have similar tastes, heee

Crash - thanks man, glad for the support.

Cookiedough - another great crit, thank you. Yeah, I definitely could work on creating characters with a bit more expression or emotion; too much character design type artwork.

walnut, Zeichentier - thanks!

e.j.roy - thank you; yes, this story is pretty light on actual story; I think I had trouble striking a balance between backstory and "front" story and how to tell it.

Borilius, spudstudios -thank you guys

Thestjester - thank you, this page does seem to be the one that most people enjoy.

Thanks again to all you guys for the very useful feedback. The next story will be better for it I'm sure!

Francis

[midknight523]

this is really cool

[Blue]

i really like it. One thing that bothers me.. is she always has the same expression. In some frames i keep thinking "why isn't she at least startled?" but she always looks the same.

[Lone Wolf]

Cool pieces Francis, there are a few issues here and there, but it's still cool. :teeth:

[Supervlieg]

Looks nice, I mainly like the backgrounds and the creature

[Mr. Visions]

No prob' Francis, and along with reading more great comics comes watching great movies, especially those known for great angles. Also check out ones that are in the same genre you're going for, so you know what's been done and what works.

- Visions
edit: you better be at that Comic Con too - lucky

[N D Hill]

Sounds cool, man. Seriously keep us posted as to where and when we can pick up a copy. I know I'd shell out for this.

[Pixel8]

You guys know what blows my mind??? QUOTE: "A couple of buddies of mine and I collaborated on a 3-part self-published comic project."

Are you serious???? See, they had an idea, put in a whole lot of work to draw it all up, then published it themselves!!!! WAY TO BE!

If you've ever studied up on director Robert Rodriguez this is exactly how he got into to being a well known Hollywood Director. Now THAT'S believing in yourself - and the print looks excellent.

[REAU]

this book looks very very cool

-reau-