Son Goku vs. Venom (as babies) 3 sequentials/pencil

[Egets]

Hello there again now Im going to show you my hmmm looking prob crappy to you but was helluva job for me, so there was a contest in artxilla forums (Le Sean raaaawks, mosh !!!)that draw sequentials of two comic characters fighting each other

I chose Son Goku from Dragonball Z because I wanted to try that style and then Venom-as a baby so that he could match Son Goku, and then my feminine approach to this project and voila, messy pencil story tellings amount of 3, what do you think ?

It will probably help to ink these ones but I dont know weather should ink them with photoshop or what.... I think so yes because its so much more easier then to move the panels etc othervice I would need to redraw these because these are drawn on cheap printing paper that could not stand ink very well nor erasing


but here are the pages :


http://img96.imageshack.us/img96/4039/dragonbsivu10hi.jpg

http://img96.imageshack.us/img96/7694/dragonbsivu23qx.jpg

http://img96.imageshack.us/img96/3778/dragonbsivu31dk.jpg

[Dile_]

Hey, very cool! but you should defiently Ink it and clean some lines up!
great work, keep it going :)
not much to critique!

[Egets]

Hey, very cool! but you should defiently Ink it and clean some lines up!
great work, keep it going :)
not much to critique!

I never get critic for these pages, is it because are genuinely good or people dont want me to improve ?

However I have started inking the pages with photoshop and fixing some things as well and its much readable obviously now, only thing I dont really like is that photoshop captures all little shakings of hands so the lines are never so staight with me, for that reason I some times were using curve tool but that is also so restricting and slow.... I dont know the secret so just have to do it the dumb way..... until I discover some secret :[

[Egets]

my progress this far :



clickoty (http://img403.imageshack.us/img403/7240/dragonbsivu1inked3tp.jpg)

[GriNGo]

Goku doesn't seem much like a baby.

[Egets]

Goku doesn't seem much like a baby.

lol ! that's right !!! :D

[RocknOats]

Well, your style is all over this, that's good, but baby Venom doesn't look much like Venom after his first frame. That is bothering me, but if you're planning to color him in dark, I dunno...

[Egets]

hur sers det ut ?



http://img389.imageshack.us/img389/2065/dragonbsivu1inked3ke.jpg

[worxe]

There certainly is quite alot of style done into this.. but I cant help but comment on a few problems, namely, perspective. It gets quite confusing in a few of the slides here, espescially the one where its got baby venom springing a leak.. on the floor and the parents sitting by the table, the position of the couch sets me off. Also in the first slide, the position of the knelt table baby goku is sitting and eating at, I guess you could say its just positioned at an angle.. but the direction of the floorboards keep saying otherwise.

Also, you have a heck of alot of details competing with each other in many of the slides, and im getting confused as I try to follow along, perhaps break up the background a bit or fade it slightly, so its not so distracting from the figures. Ive seen some of your other paintings with that chick that you had problems where you flipped the picture and it looked slanted, and they weren't bad with all the details, but its just not doing justice for comics here I reckon. A few of the scenes aswell keep getting me confused whether its indoors or outdoors, and its due to the carpets looking like grass, but cause of the patterns making it look like some sortof carpet.. to me its strange, unfortunently im not sure what you could do here other than soften the edges of the carpet a bit

Aswell, character-wise, I've really got no idea what venom is supposed to be (hardly ever read those comics/watch those cartoons), but some parts of baby venom is leading me to believe its a girl, namely due to those prominant eyelashes and huge eyes - like its mother - then you strangely have a slide where it gets kinda phallic.

Although what im getting out of the story thus far is:

o- Venom mother/baby comes to visit Goku's mother and baby goku

o- Goku really isnt keen on meeting baby venom

o- this part im no so sure about, goku seems to be trying to crawl into the couch to hide or something? - not sure - then the cat pounces on him and he stumbles back

o- next slide suddenly shows baby venom making direct contact with baby goku, baby goku freaks out and runs somewhere(?)

o- Here, baby venom seems to have symbol on his chest, then it disapears in the following slides again. Not sure whats up with that..

o- Baby venom breaks his plumbing - assuming hes being mischievous by pissing on the carpet, goku catches him doing that.

o- Not quite sure what happens here, im assuming venom suddenly knows goku is watching, sticks his tongue out at goku, and goku's got this dazed look on his face - also, the dotted line isnt working well.. no offence but it tells me that you put this here to make it look like baby goku / baby venom is looking at each other, and didnt redo the faces/poses to tell that.

o- Next few slides I can see that symbol again, then its gone, again. And baby venom is wearing the diaper/pants.. again. Baby venom also seems to be growing and has jumped right in goku's path

o- Baby goku then grabs his bashing pole and goes to hit baby venom only to be smacked by baby venoms foot, although the first slide shows the pole in his right hand, then its suddenly in his left hand, even for a cartoon, I think for a bit of a transition would be in order.

o- After getting kicked by baby venom, goku comes back and kicks baby venom in the face - baby venom seems to be growing further. Afterwhich venom - due to his size - pretty much picks goku up and enjoys his lunch.


I rehashed the story - from what I thought - incase there were any areas you may have wanted different that I misinterpreted. When you add the captions(if you are?) Ill be able to read it alot easier, its just at this current stage it gets difficult where certain elements your trying to include are suddenly appearing.. thinking about it now.. ie: Gokus bashing pole, I keep thinking he was looking for that in the couch rather than trying to crawl into the couch, then he suddenly has it at the lounge scene.

All in all I hope this helps, and good luck with it, still a fair bit of work to go through though.


-edit- missed a spot aswell =x

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v205/Fafnird/Other/missedaspot.jpg