complete hilariousness

[Redder]

Lots more at the Quote Database Home: http://www.bash.org/

<Coma.> I'm drawing a pony for my friend
<Coma.> Except I can't draw so basicly I am drawing a horse only making it look small.
<Coma.> Because a pony is basicly just a little horse.
<Fish> wtf? No they aren't!
<Fish> That's like saying a midget's a person!!

<Alex> i
<Alex> f s h
<Alex> t c k s
<Alex> s i
<Laila> ...what is he trying to do?
<Reiz0r> Trying to make a fish from fishsticks.
<Reiz0r> It's MODERN ART
<Reiz0r> It's the true pesonification of the juxtaposition of the sombre emotion that the world of man made aesthetics is slowly and irrevokably destroy the nature of that which is ...
<Reiz0r> Something
<Reiz0r> Modern art doesn't have to look like much. It just needs an explanation with lots of long words

Kanuck: i like to look at porn in pdf files.. just so i can make the little hand grab things.

<Raven> I tried setting my hotmail password to penis.
<Raven> It said my password wasn't long enough. :(

<who> i can't watch brokeback mountain for the same reason i can't watch horror movies
<who> i would scream "HE'S RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!!" in the middle of the theater

<Bladehack> what are you doing?
<Waldo> Dude, I'm making a anime music video!!!!!!!!!!
<Bladehack> kewl
<Waldo> Sweet
<Bladehack> keeeeeewwwwwwwwllllll
<Waldo> Sweeet
<Blackhack> kkkeeeeewwwwwwwwllllllllllllllllll !!!!!!!!!!
<Omni> Someone get the admin. The two morons are stuck in a loop.

Ziggy: Everytime I hear a strange noise, I have a zombie panic attack.
Lusty: what is it with you and zombies?!
Ziggy: Are you not afraid of zombies?
Lusty: they don't exist.
Ziggy: That's what they think in movies too.
Ziggy: Right before the invasion.

<Fenris> Man..
<Fenris> I need to get a monitor
<W1N9Zr0> yeah, stop guessing what's on the screen

<jjccp> i broke my leg
<jjccp> masturbating is evil
<[Slaryn> O_O I hope to god those two incidents weren't related

<erno> hm. I've lost a machine.. literally _lost_. it responds to ping, it works completely, I just can't figure out where in my apartment it is.

<NES> I download something from Napster
<NES> And the same guy I downloaded it from starts downloading it from me when I'm done
<NES> I message him and say "What are you doing? I just got that from you"
<NES> "getting my song back fucker"

<Jeedo> hey baby, whats up?
<Indidge> umm....nothing?
<Jeedo> So....want me to like come over today so we can have sex?
<Indidge> Wait....did you want to speak to my daughter?
<Jeedo> Yes Mrs.Miller.. :-/

<Night-hen-gayle> I gotta go. There's a dude next to me and he's watching me type, which is sort of starting to creep me out. Yes dude next to me, I mean you.

random girl: hey!
me: ...hi?
me: who is this?
random girl: Jessica, I saw u on myspace
random girl: ur hot
me: thanks
random girl: np
me: this girl keeps bugging me, but I don't want to talk to her
me: what should I do?
random girl: make up sum excuse, like ur mom is kickin u off or sumthing
me: oh alright
me: I have to go
me: my mom is kicking me off
me: bye

[Pixeldragoon]

Bash is probably the second best site on the net.

Next to CA.org of course.

[Advocate of Fate]

good selection, but theres better out there.
may I?

-[Conroy_Bumpus]- OH FUCK ME
-[Conroy_Bumpus]- I FORGOT TO PICK UP MY 7 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER FROM SOCCER PRACTICE
-[Conroy_Bumpus]- 9 HOURS AGO
-[Conroy_Bumpus]- HOLY SHIT
-[Conroy_Bumpus]- BYE


<MortalKombat> stfu mat|t u cu.nt
* Acaila sets mode: +b MortalKombat!*@*
<@Acaila> FINISH HIM
<mat|t> rofl
<MortalKombat> omg wtf man
* MortalKombat was kicked by Acaila (forward, forward, back, back, forward, punch)
<@Acaila> FATALITY!

<YuFFie> SO U HACKING ME THEN HUH
<YuFFie> WElL I GOT NEWS FOR U MISTER I GOT MORE FIREWALL POWERS NOW SO IM SECURE AND IM USING WINDOWS 98 SO IM REALLY SECURE FROM HACKERS LIKE YOU SO YOU BETTA JUST GIVE UP CUZ U GOT NO HOPE MISTER.
* YuFFie (~mirc@3B942731.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net) Quit (Quit: Owned.)
* YuFFie (~mirc@3B942731.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net) has joined #
<YuFFie> HELP MY MOUSE IS MOVING BY IT SELF

<Alanna> Saying that Java is nice because it works on all OS's is like saying that anal sex is nice because it works on all genders

<Kazz> Do vampires have anuses? Cause that's why I wouldn't let this kid invade a vampire's anus in this RPG, right, I was GMing, and his character was an Anus Shade, with the power to possess and control the anuses of people and animals.. and I figured that vampires don't have anuses.
<Zaratustra> a vampire's anus is present, but non-working.
<Zaratustra> like a network card without the appropriate driver.
<Kazz> Wow. You're the biggest dork on Earth.
<Sharkey> And you're DMing an rpg with Anus Shades.

<Firefly> Time for my prayers:
<Firefly> Our Father, who 0wnz heaven, j00 r0ck!
<Firefly> May all 0ur base someday be belong to you!
<Firefly> May j00 0wn earth just like j00 0wn heaven.
<Firefly> Give us this day our warez, mp3z, and pr0n through a phat pipe.
<Firefly> And cut us some slack when we act like n00b lamerz, just as we teach n00bz when they act lame on us.
<Firefly> Please don't give us root access on some poor d00d'z box when we're too pissed off to think about what's right and wrong, and if you could keep the fbi off our backs, we'd appreciate it.
<Firefly> For j00 0wn r00t on all our b0x3s 4ever and ever, 4m3n.

gentoogod: omg dude
gentoogod: today i might the stupidest 3 people i ever met
gentoogod: thier 3 brains combined couldnt solve the dilemma they faced today
siral21: what was it
gentoogod: ok before i say this
gentoogod: 100% true, not one second of a lie
gentoogod: this lady went into mcdonalds today and ordered a big mac for her
gentoogod: and ordered 2 mcgrittles one for each kid. one had bacon one without
gentoogod: her sons are around 18 or 19 so not infants
gentoogod: she went to the counter furious cause the son that wanted bacon has no bacon on his and the one that didnt want bacon has bacon on his
gentoogod: i fell on the floor beside her and couldnt stop laughing
gentoogod: so i finally stood up and asked her to repeat, thinking maybe shes drunk
gentoogod: i swear to god she looked at me straight faced and repeated it. and her 2 sons were beside her mad that they didnt get the order they wanted

(JHawk111420) Hey whats up, a/s/l?
(Lady Renegade) more than you want, I'm sure :)
(JHawk111420) ill take that as a challenge ;-)
(Lady Renegade) take it any way you want sweetie
(JHawk111420) k, how old are ya?
(Lady Renegade) probably too old for you, but let's pretend I'm 20 ;)
(JHawk111420) k, what do ya look like?
(Lady Renegade) before or after I'm dressed up?
(JHawk111420) both :-D
(Lady Renegade) well......after I'm dressed up, I have long sexy red hair, nails painted red to match the slinky dress I have on, stiletto heels, pouty lips, green eyes, boobs out to here, and a smile that stops
traffic
(JHawk111420) and before your dressed up?
(Lady Renegade) before I'm dressed up, I'm bald and wearing boxers...sometimes my weenie is peeking out
(Lady Renegade) hello?
(Lady Renegade) hello?
(Lady Renegade) hello ....

<XnD> Personally its not God I dislike, its his fan club I cant stand

<Edofnor> #1 pickup line of all time: "Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

[Redder]

Ha ha ha! I liked those. Here's one more...

*** cuteone4 has joined #photoshop
(cuteone4): has anybody in here helped me with a graphic in the last few days?
(cln): you can be damn sure i havnt
(cuteone4): UP YOURS CLN
(cuteone4): i am trying to learn this program
(cuteone4): stupid layers.
(cln): wait..
(cln): youve been in this chan for what? 2 years?
(cln): and you don't know jack shit about photoshop?
(cuteone4): i just got the program recently

[asoir]

one of my faves -

<Raize> can you guys see what I type?
<vecna> no, raize
<Raize> How do I set it up so you can see it?

and....

<Charlesowns> Man i was surfin porn and like "normal" surfin at the same time, so my mom comes in and i quick as hell tab down the porn. So now im looking at a SWAT vest and an Mp5 submachinegun trying to hide the giant penis in my pants. Then all of a sudden this realy gay male voice speaks out realy loud goin "i want to suck your big dick ans swallow your hot sperm" then like 100 popups open up all consisting of hardcore fetish gayporn.
<Charlesowns> man my mom started crying and now she thinks im gay... it owns


ROFLMAO!

[flatliner]

Lmao. Brilliant stuff.

<JonJonB> Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book
<JonJonB> Let's see the results...

<JonJonB> "Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
<JonJonB> "Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything

<JonJonB> A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.

<JonJonB> "Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work."
<JonJonB> "Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. "

<JonJonB> Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls

<JonJonB> "Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"

<JonJonB> The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.

<JonJonB> He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.

<JonJonB> He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.

<JonJonB> Ok
<JonJonB> I have found, definitive proof
<JonJonB> that J.K Rowling is a dirty DIRTY woman, making a fool of us all
<JonJonB> "Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?
<melusine > O_______O
<JonJonB> Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang

<JonJonJonB> Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.

<JonJonJonB> 'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.