Vampire board start (update)

[DustinTrimble]

Thought I would take a shot at doing a board of BloodRayne, get an action coreography storyboard for my portfolio. (Disclaimer: It's a little violent, so don't look at it if you are not comfortable with that stuff.)

Setup for the board: Rayne has just entered a room full of human guards. She has no blades, nor any ammo, only her wits(and the fact she's half vampire.)
Here is what I have done on a first pass in pencils, the rest is still in the thumbs stage.

Added some, here is the new URL I think it's flowing better!
http://www.geocities.com/xstin2000/bloodrayneboard2.htm

Here is the Thumbs for the rest of the sequence(warning large download):

http://www.geocities.com/xstin2000/thumbs1.htm

[Nimrod]

looks neat. I can't really tell from your post, but is this for the actual bloodrayne game or are you just using the characters in an action choreography shot of your own for your personal portfolio? If so, you shouldn't do this: make up some original characters of your own. All this does is show unoriginality :/ Anyway, apologies if this is not the case.

Several things I notice: In the first two frames, she has a very odd expression on her face, like she's completely dumbfounded by her situation, rather than surprised or stressed. Also she is very vacuously staring ahead; in the first I would make her looking more towards the guards and in the second more towards the empty weapon. Also, you might want to consider varying the angle, emphasizing the guards in the first and the gun in the second.

In the next four panels, it is confusing (at least to me) as to what is going on. It is not apparent immediately, which is important for a storyboard. I assume she is moving from pillar to pillar stealthily, perhaps you can help make it more clear with arrrows showing the direction of the action and changing the background; the focus to me appears to be on the double doors, but nothing is happening there.

In the panel where we see her approach the guards, it looks like she is casually walking; I think it would be more exciting and believable if she was rushing them or sneaking up. Also, I hate to say it, but the angle is, well, boring. Perhaps from low and behind her, following her stealthy footsteps towards those unfortunate fellows.

The panels where she grabs him are good, good use of creating tension, where at first we dont see what is going on and then there's a great 'oh shit' moment when we realize what's about to happen. however, the panels showing the result are not so hot - all form the same angle, and from far away? That's some exciting action no- no's. Have some extreme angles focusing on her and her victim then the result of his getting thrown, at least 3 wildly different angles right there. And in the last one, try to avoid this 'talking head' format; this is more suitable to a shot-reverse shot conversation. I would make it a low angle looking very straight almost vertical maybe at the guy holding the gun ready to retaliate, or something similar.

Err... sorry about the book there. If you want, I could do some paintovers to show you what I'm talking about. It's got potential to be really cool, you're almost there.

[DustinTrimble]

It's just for my portfolio.
Very opinionated Nimrod, that's good I am definitly glad to get your crit:)
I think that taking some elses character is more like a real world assignment, not everyone who gets to pick up thier pencil creates every character and idea, right? Also I thought it would be fun to have a take on her personality and fighting so thus it was an opportunity to be real creative.

Good points, I'll have to read it a few more times to get the jist, The confusion on the panels with the door, A she throws the gun to the side, causing the guards to move that way in the future panels, B,C she moves around the pole. There is not a huge action happening there. I should probably show the gun hitting the floor, but a simple sound effect could flesh that out better.

Good point about the approach.

Exciting action no-no's, eh?, well there is plenty of opportunities to get into closer angles in the rest of the fight, and since this move happens at such a quick pace, and is quite a full body move, a longer shot is the only way to clearly show what is happening here. The action is ongoing, there is no stop to veiw the guys reaction of getting thrown. but on the other hand your suggestion is really good. I will think about the pacing more. I should make it clearer that his neck snapped too, again sound would be important.

[Erik]

Cool to see a storyboard!

About your last comment in the last post:

You could go from the 'hands in crotch' shot and zoom out from there to full body, maybe a little to the side, while he is beign thrown. Zooming out while he is falling will create a cool effect, you can see his face and the gir'ls face if you're a little to the side. Plus it would be full body and you can have the neck snapped just outside the frame, the guy would stop moving - dramatic effect.

Just a thought.

Cool stuff!

[DustinTrimble]

Been a while, got a little distracted with some other projects, but I should finish this shortly. I added 12 more drawings, and do plan on redoing two of the earleir action shots, thanks to my friend Karl, not to mention Nimrod and Eriks comments.
Here is the newest update:

http://www.geocities.com/xstin2000/bloodrayneboard3.htm

Comments on the new stuff?