Help me understand what's wrong with this

[redFIVE]

http://www.darkvvulf.com/lookat/firebrandreq.gif


This picture doesn't feel very balanced to me. I want the eye to have a nice visual punch and everything else to remain black and middle ground. I can't put my finger on it, my design skills have failed me. Maybe it needs a thicker border. Maybe I need to have more white in scant traces around the eye. Maybe I should try these thoughts instead of posting this thread. Maybe I should be doing homework. Maybe maybe maybe maybe. Please help.

[Razzorblue]

is it only me?!
but i can't c the pic...

[riclim]

I think you can add more details to the eye, especially the eyeballs, so that it will have that visual punch...

Ric

[dogfood]

Well, the strokes and counterstrokes are creating a lot of interest (that chaotic look is pretty cool), but it is defining very cartoony anatomy and isn't dealing with a consistant light source (heavy shadow under the pecs, but not under the chin, for example). The strokes which are telling us about the shapes give way to lines in the face, which seperates the head from the rest of the piece (a bit).

A couple things might give this more punch: riclim's more defined eye and having the eyes looking at the viewer.

[rasdasa]

Alright, try cutting the top of the cone head down, see if that helps, seems too large compared to the rest of his body.

You see the red outlines that are underneath his armpits and down his torsos sides, try erasing some of those and allowing the shadows to have some blending with the background.
The shading down the sides of his abs, on the obliques(I believe) , try to continue that a little further down the page so it better unites with the shading of the abs in the middle.
There might be a little too much top to the image, trying cropping it. All suggestions, Dogfood also had some good ones, try them out and see what happens.
nonetheless though, I like this piece, has a strong visceral feel.

[Art_Addict]

I think that it's the composition for sure. You have a balanced , almost symetrical figure ( see wings and body ) But then you have his head tilted to the right and slightly downwards. This is completely throwing me off. I understand you try to break the symmetry by doing so, but try to make him more loose. Vary the stance, Use his arms and hands to search for a dynamic pose and then work the eyes . That way will work, man !
On the other hand, if you keep the stiff pose, i would tilt his head upwards and make him look down on the viewer. That way you accentuate his evilness and arrogancy.
Hope this make s sense to you

Good luck

[CCThrom]

I think Art Addict is on the right track! It's not the details, like anatomy or line quality that are a problem here, but the overall composition. That eye is almost dead center and the wings are so symmetrical. Another "overall" problem I think is the color. When you are looking at VALUE (not color) alone, red = black... which means that the red in your drawing is not "middle ground" - it's dark, almost as dark as the black. So, value-wise, there's VERY little going on here... essentially a black rectangle with a white dot in the center. I think your concept will work, but you need a little more dynamic composition (get that eye away from dead center!) and a bit more contrast to bring the viewer in.

[madster]

Whites of the eyes really make this look cartoony!
It would be better left monochromatic in reds and blacks, due to the style of execution for the rest of the piece...
You need to step back and make some decisions as to what exactly do you want this to be, cartoony weird, or stylistically representational. If the latter, remove the white, and rework the irises and the lenses, with the specular highlight helping provide the illusion of the demon looking at the viewer outside the canvas. Right now he's looking up and to his right, so the viewer has no connection to him, or what his story might be, and no reason for the eye to really stay. That momentary mental connection of the picture "looking" at you can make a difference to this piece.

~M

[redFIVE]

Cool, lots of great feedback. At this point I'm heavily interested in design in value balance and not in redrawing parts. Also the symmetrical design was more or less intentional- I was thinking of a crest kind of feel to it (given that he's from the video game Demon's Crest). Sorry to kinda ditch such precious advice, though I'm starting to ponder redoing this.

cartoony weird, or stylistically representationa
er..can it be both? is there even a difference?


Anyways, I should post *something*. I'm still not really satisfied I think, but I like the progressions far more than the original.

I added a thicker border to try and create some stability, and used rasdasa's advice. I also toyed with adding an outline, at whiich point I said fuck the eye visual punch cause I liked the outline so much.

http://www.darkvvulf.com/lookat/firebrandvrrraggghhh.gif

One of my friends said though it could be taken as bad lighting rather than design. I wonder if that matters in terms of design? I mean I know the lighting rules, can I break them yet? Anyways it made me blow this one out

http://www.darkvvulf.com/lookat/firebrandachooo.gif

And then I decided I should probably sleep. I'm probably gonna go back and try some of the other crits later. Thanks for the feedback- I'm now pretty glad I made the CA switch.

http://www.darkvvulf.com/lookat/firebrandcoloredit.gif

[dogfood]

Bounding the top with white is giving it some unnatural constriction. That area can generally be interpreted as the background and the white is introducing some Escher-esque feel which doesn't jibe well with the already chaotic line quality.

[CCThrom]

In the last one the white lines really start reading as a frame... like the demon is looking at us through a broken window. Unless you like this effect, I'd say the previous one is a bit stronger. Personally I think the white lines are stylized enough so they don't read as "bad lighting".

[Dreln]

Pretty cool piece you got going on here. I really like the chaotic lines you have going on and the posing is fine too.

I'm just nitpicking here but the cone shaped head doesn't work in my opinion. It just doesn't seem anatomically functional. Why is his head cone shaped? Even fantasy, read—humanoids, creatures need some anatomical connection to real world so they are somewhat familiar. It just doesn't seem to server any purpose. The white eye is doing no favors for you either regrettably.

I agree with CCThrom there too, with the white lines it really looks like he is looking through a frame of some sort. It might be worth thickening the white lines around the frame to push him back behind it a little as the piece is now unnecessarily flat with the addition of a 3rd colour.

other than that this piece rocks, can't wait to see more of it and others from you.

[Elwell]

The problem is that you have a not particualrly interesting drawing that you're trying to save with color and effects. Why make it all red with the white eye in the first place? What's so interesting about that eye? And the white lines in the newest version are a terrible mistake, just more sloppy, unnecessary, distracting elements.
Rather than continuing to fight with this, go back to square one. Why did you draw this in the first place? Figure that out and take it from there.

[madster]

I thought this piece was basically "complete," but evidently it is still a WIP...

Moved from CC to SWIPs

~M