mermaid:C&C on composition please (UPDATED)

[Soulsurfer]

Hi all...
I've been making a living in the decorative art print business for 15 years...but never knew how lame my stuff was until I got here. This is a computer sketch for a piece I'm doing that will be reproduced as an open edition giclee....but it's for a company that's a step up the rung from the shlock stuff I've been doing. Any C&C on this piece would be very much appreciated before I begin the actual painting. (It's going to be in acrylic on a 2.5' x 4' substrate)

http://www.robwoodrum.8k.com/mermaidjp.jpg

[Signature]

Great how clean it looks and how the saturated colors work.

I think the body looks a bit masculine. Guess the shoulders are a bit wide.
In the lower half of the image there is a lot going on. It is very busy.
Maybe you could pick some objects and make them pop more than others.
Everything seems to be equally important and there is not much depth.

But maybe it is better that way with that style!? Dunno.

[Soulsurfer]

Thanks Signature...
do you think softening the shoulders (make them more narrow) would help?

As to the bottom part of the piece...what if I were to indicate more kelp in the background in a lighter color...do you think that would suffice?

Thanks again for taking the time.

[Signature]

Well you can always play with your image.
Make sure you save the image before you do that and then get rid or your respect.

I tried some things too. Hope it is ok? If not I'll remove the image.
I moved her face and arms down so that the torso looks shorter.
And I think I made the shoulders more narrow. Did it help? You decide.
I also changed the belly (the annoying red line).
I think her hips and the vertical torso didn't work well together.
Or am I wrong? You decide.

I tried putting some orange/pink on the dolphins because I thought they maybe popped too much.

According to prometheus|anj's tutorial (top left corner) I changes the value
range of the mermaid.
http://www.conceptart.org/forums/showthread.php?t=15745
It is not a keeper though. I like yours better. It is better for the style.

I tried to suggest depth in the lower half of the image by drawing over it with a low opacity brush. After doing that you'd have to fix the edges though.
I did a pretty quick and dirty job. That's why it looks messed up in my version.
Some objects pop more. Guess for a better result you could do value studies.

http://www.andyart.de/images/overpaints/mermaidop.jpg

Maybe that shows what I call playing.

[Kryaus]

For myself I found the composition a little stale. It has few overlapping forms & a lot of empty space. The primary subject is almost dead centre with the secondaries evenly space around it. It doesn't look like a captured instant in the lives of the creatures. I would probably lower the mermaid & have her moved more to the left. Then one of the dolphins could intersect her upperthigh area & then move the second dophlin further out.

Just some suggestion

[Soulsurfer]

Signature...
thanks again for some great insight. I appreciate you taking the time to do an overlay, it really helps if I have a visual. I can see how softening the shoulders, and shortening the torso helps indicate feminity much better. (I used a Poser model as a ref for her top half...and so far, that's one of the biggest drawbacks I've encountered with poser...shoulders never look right, and everything seems so stiff)

I had read Prometheus' tutorial before...and I really am embarrassed to admit that I just can't quite follow it...I'll have to go over it again.

As for what you did at the bottom of the piece....to quote the Guiness guy, "BRILLIANT!" That certainly added depth, and is what I'll do for the final.

Kryaus...
great suggestion as well. Would you also suggest making the mermaid smaller, if I move her down....or no?

Thank you guys VERY much, this is so helpful.

[Soulsurfer]

Ok...based on the input given...here are some corrections made. The color in the background got all "wangulated" (I makes 'em up as I needs 'em) when I messed around with the hues/saturation thing....but that aside.....does the composition seem to be going in the right direction yet?

Thanks in advance.
http://www.robwoodrum.8k.com/mermaidjp2.jpg

[Kryaus]

Nice. I like how the trail of bubbles breaks up the figure with out hiding it. The figure size seems right to me in relation to all the others around it

Good work

[Soulsurfer]

hey all...
I thought I'd post the final I did of this idea...it's done in acrylic on a 24"x36" piece of substrate (sign board). Can I get any final crits before I actually hand this in? Thanks in advance.
http://www.robwoodrum.8k.com/a-P8310009.jpg

[Signature]

Amazing result.
The lower half ... you obviously understood what I tried (and didn't manage) to show.

In the upper half I think the blue/white that you used for highlights takes away from the image.
Especially because of the lack of saturated colors and contrasts for the mermaid I guess.

[michael bolenski]

the painted version looks great! the only things I can see, is it looks like she put on some weight since the comp. sketch, and the roundness of her left jaw in the sketch I think made her look a little softer -prettier to my eyes?
but very good I love your choice of colors.

[Phuzion]

A couple of last minute things:

-Her jaw goes back a little too far... may if you brought her jaw and ear forward more, and made her neck a little slimmer.

-if you get rid of the lattisimus dorsi on her right side behind her elbow and just have the curvature of the waist dissappear behind her arm, it would give a more feminine curve, even with the broad shoulders (which she WOULD have if she was swimming all day). Other than that, I think it's a lot better than the comps. Keep it up!

[Tetsuo]

hey soul :)

nice progress on this one. I would have to say that among other things...something about her eyebrows bugs me a bit. They seem to be either too big/flat or to bushy. Perhaps a slight trimming down of them would help. Or maybe it is just the shadow from the brow...giving her a more masculine appearance in the eye area :|

another thing: you concentrated on light displacement with the dolphins (i.e the skin on the dolphins has light refracted patterns on it) whereas the rest of the peice does not follow this rule....

[Soulsurfer]

Thanks all, for all that constructive input. I'll get back to work on it, and try to post an update later. Thanks again.

[liam.c]

i think looks good if were to do it agean maby have the bottem dolphin partly cross infront of her and the top one to be crosed by her the same so thay more make a elipse around here for comp but i think it looks fine now