The Gimmick of I - FINISHED COMIC! ...well kinda...

[Laelecetes]

This comic is very misleading, if you don't like the first couple of pages stick around.

The name of my story is "The Gimmick of I".

In the meta-age of 2600 humanity began to develop technologies that are operated solely through abstract thought. These meta-technologies supercede any previous conception of what is physically or scientifically possible: transmutation, metamorphosis, artificial mass, feigned refraction, languid light, matter creation, teleportation, etc.

The year 2653 there were large advancements in meta-technology derived from a brilliant scientist named Humn Boschk. His experiments were revolutionary in his field of investing the energies of quintessence, also referred to as the “other” or the “meta”. In his experiments he used the blind to calculate the necessary mental algorithms to apply the meta through abstract thoughts that could be interpreted by advanced computational systems. In his findings with the blind he stated, “The blind have a deeper perspicacity of quintessence that those with sight will never achieve. They have been untainted with the supposed permanence of the world and can see beyond its modest boundaries.” 4 years after the famous statement that would dictate the findings of the meta for centuries an event occurred that brought a disturbing prologue to the irresponsible integration of meta into society.

The 25th December in the year 2657 2% of the worlds population went unconscious for 5 months. May 17th a solution to the problem finally arose, “The 49 Oratories”. A massive railway of points 4,132 miles long was established across the sky; these points emit high frequency sound waves that are perfectly proportionate to the other creating destructive interference that disrupt super-conscious brain patterns that allow for advanced abstract thought. The citizens who were awoken after the incident suffered massive trauma to the psyche, went insane, died, or stayed comatose. Those who were untouched were issued a plea not to leave the shield that was attached to their very lives. The people affected by the bizarre “Musing of 2657” had become mentally attached to the frequencies emitted by the 49, and if they left the influence their minds would cease to function; additionally those who enter the proximity of the 49 must receive a brain-graft to shield them from the destructive interference that would drive them mad. Those who are born and live under the points may never leave.

Sadly, this comic is based on none of that...

Page 1
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Page 2
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Page 3
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Page 4
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Page 5
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Page 6
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Page 7
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Page 8
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[Seeker]

I have no idea what is going on... but I think I like it. The art is nice anyways.

The lettering needs work though. Particularily the captions. It's crowding the art. If this is something that is meant for print, then your lettering will be very large if you blow the art up to the standard comic size page.

[nardfrog]

Dude, i was thinking the exact same thing. I have absolutely no idea what is going on there, but it's pretty damn cool. That cactus and the bean fellow that needs braces are fucking dope.

[SeraphSword]

I like it. It makes me think of Happy Noodle Boy if it was fleshed out.:p

[DanSTC]

Nothing like a little nonsequitor fun. I feel like this could've been a little funnier with better lettering, though. The poorly placed lettering actually detracts from the nonsequitor nature of the humor.

The main character's face looks pretty bad in panel 1 on page 6...mainly, it's the choice in angle that's doing it. It probably would've been better if you'd had him facing outwards towards the audience a little.

Panels 2, 3, and 4 on page 8 also need some reworking on the figure. I would recommend making the character slightly more cartooney, or slightly more realistic to contrast with the cartoons.

Interesting experiment, although it really shows that you probably pretty much made this up as you went along, and often not in a good way. :\

I do like most of the artwork, though. And you did a pretty good job overall parodying pseudo-spiritual hyperfuristic manga. I do get a little bit of a sadistic kick out of the idea of all that set-up just to throw a bunch of nonsensical junk at the readers.

[DanSTC]

Since I've got nothing better to do at the moment, here's some suggested changes I would personally add to make this nonsequitor comic a little funnier/better/etc:

On page 6, first panel changed to show the protagonist looking out at an angle and smiling.

Remove the "wheee" and "goal!!!" panels...too much too early. (But feel free to use that gag again, that is, if you plan on making a series out of something like this!)
The "DID YOU EAT MY EGGPLANT?" on page 7 should be what really shatters the illusion for the readers, IMO.
Replace those two panels with shots showing the protagnist embracing the romantic interest and lifting her off her feet.
For the "car crash" line, move the text over to the left, and then put the "except good" line down near the bottom-right.

On page 7, change the "kissing is so...predictable." to "Wait. That...smell..." and "deep breath" to "inhale." (Be sure to punch up the size of that line so it's legible.)

On page 8 instead of "I LEVITATE" - "HEY MOTHERFUCKER, I LEVITATE" unless you want this to be PG...in that case, "HEY, @#$%! I LEVITATE!" Or if you really want to, just keep it as-is. I just think it'd come off funnier if he was cursing.

Change "I've always had butter fingers" to "I've always been clumsy with women." Adjust the text box there, too...it seems a little poorly placed.

Also, replace the second two panels of the protagonist showing him holding the girl, then standing straight, (with the same expression as his first panel on the page, presumably starin at the eggplanet creature.) holding his arms out catatonically as the girl simply falls out.

The last two panels I leave up to you, pretty much, since there's no real need for a punchline by that point.

[Morlok]

Dude that was awesome - I agree that the Eggplant comment should be the zinger ;-):chug:

[Laelecetes]

Wow, I am very glad that some of you enjoyed that. Thought my humor wouldn't connect. :D

Very good help with the comments DanSTC! Thanks a lot.

I do agree that some of the poses/faces and text is/are very shitty. Kinda pleased with some of the pages tho.

[DanSTC]

Yeah, the trick is to be consistant enough in your art so that you can "cheat" the audience without them realizing it. For example, going from really high-quality detail and design to a few really simplified scenes, and back and forth in a rhythmic balancing act.

To execute that properly, really helps to have a strong enough grasp of figures, pacing, etc. so you can at least hint at detail in even the most simplified panels. (Which is one reason why I'm working my ass off in art training lately.) Even if it's not a completely detailed figure, you still need to give it good structure so it looks natural, and that comes with practice.

Overall, this experiment was a success...especially on some of the more detailed panels. The comic is hardly publisher-worthy, but with some tweaking, I can see several indie publishers accepting work like this. :)