Review my statement of intent for SVA!

[Oggi]

Hey there everyone! I'm a high school senior, and as you can imagine, it's crunch time for college apps right now. I have my Big Five schools lined up; SVA, FIT, AIB, Pratt, and Parsons. This statement will most likely be a basis for the statements of the other schools (namely AIB and FIT)

So, please review it! I need some honest input:

--

Creativity is constantly bustling around me. In everyday life, I can't help but think that everything in my surroundings is the product of some kind of design process. It's not rare that I catch myself noticing the difference between serif and sans serif fonts in advertisements on billboards, or disagreeing with the layout of certain magazines I flip through in waiting rooms. I find visual arts utterly intriguing because it is such a subtle, yet integral, part of our lives.

New York City is one of the most fertile places in the world for a creative and artistic mind to grow. It is a metropolis that thrives on design and new ideas, and one of my most primary goals is to become a part of that innovative contribution. I'm truly fortunate that I live close enough within the city's proximity that I can take an occasional journey there to admire its visual treasures, such as the intricate downtown grafitti, or the Grecian-style façade of Grand Central Station. When I picture myself gaining a higher education in the design field, I can picture no better setting than New York City.

My infatuation with inspiring city life began with the School of Visual Arts during the summer program of 2008. While absorbing my new, limitless environment, I found that SVA cultured its students to develop their own artistic identity. My professors, in the short time that I was there, encouraged me to expand my ideas without taking overbearing creative control of my work. In the course of that Graphic Design class, I found my artistic niche. I wanted to be involved in productive, communicative art that provoked thought. I wanted to apply traditional techniques to designs that could reach the masses. Today, these principles are still my foremost aspirations as an artist.

SVA provides an educational atmosphere that is comprised of students both academically and artistically driven. I discovered that the support I received from my professors and fellow students was an essential aspect in my creative maturity. As I continue to delve deeper into the realm of advertising, graphic, and communications design, I wish to return to the School of Visual Arts to further my understanding and my involvement in the creative world.

--

As a side question, should I apply for early action to my schools only if I'm totally confident in my portfolio? I've heard that applying early lessens the probability of getting in, unless your work is really impressive.

[Meloncov]

It's pretty good. You open with the idea of the importance of creativity, and you repeatedly return to that theme. That's a good thing, but it more or less mandates that your conclusion should also reference it in order to make it feel more cohesive.

I'd replace "grecian-style" with "Classical." It's more specific, more succinct, and shows you have some knowledge of art history terminology.

Replace "infatuation;" the word has rather negative connotations with short lived or superficial (albeit strong) attachment.

"Limitless environment" sounds like hyperbole. Try to replace it with something a bit less extreme, but more sincere.

"Close enough within the city's proximity" is redundant. Either say close enough or withing the city's promity, but not both.

I'm not sure about "cultured its students;" it's a clever double meaning, but it's a rather odd word choice and conjures rather unpleasant images of students in petri dishes.

"In the course of that Graphic Design class" is a bit confusing, as "course" can mean both "class" and "period of time." On first reading, I thought you were being redundant. I figured it out eventually, but you'd be better served by something clearer.

I don't think principles and be your aspiration; they're abstract, underlying ideas, not goals. Perhaps "applying those principles"?

In the final sentence, "graphic" should be "graphics."

[Oggi]

Thanks a bunch, Meloncov! I went back and made the changes you suggested, I really appreciate it :)

[Clavis]

If you weren't applying to art school, I'd say it's too boring and you should try something riskier. But seeing as this IS art school we're talking about, they'll probably be impressed that you can actually write well at all.
(Not to mention I can totally relate--I'm not even going into graphic design and yet I, too, find myself nitpicking and analyzing all the designs/layouts I see around me.)

Where did you hear that applying early is bad? Bad for just getting in, or for scholarships as well? My portfolio has already been accepted in person, so I'm not worried about that, just the Silas H. Rhodes scholarship.

[bmc]

Oggi, I am a current SVA photo student, and I think your statement is just fine. I would either stick with saying "SVA" throughout your entire statement, or saying "School of Visual Arts", but not both. Be consistent in your abbreviations. That is a minor detail though, and nothing to really worry about.

If you have any other questions about SVA, feel free to ask.

[Meloncov]

Oggi, I am a current SVA photo student, and I think your statement is just fine. I would either stick with saying "SVA" throughout your entire statement, or saying "School of Visual Arts", but not both. Be consistent in your abbreviations. That is a minor detail though, and nothing to really worry about.

At least in journalism, it is standard to use the full name of an institution the first time it is mentioned, then the abbreviation there after. So he's fine except for using the full name in the final sentence.

[bmc]

At least in journalism, it is standard to use the full name of an institution the first time it is mentioned, then the abbreviation there after. So he's fine except for using the full name in the final sentence.

Exactly, it's a simple fix for the last sentence.

[Meloncov]

Exactly, it's a simple fix for the last sentence.

My point was that it's perfectly acceptable to use both the abreviation and full name, as long as it's done in a controlled manner.

Technically, just using SVA would be incorrect, though I seriously doubt anyone would care under the circumstances.

[bmc]

My point was that it's perfectly acceptable to use both the abreviation and full name, as long as it's done in a controlled manner.

I understood what you meant and agreed, which is why I said "exactly." It really isn't a big deal at all, just something that could be edited.

Best of luck to the original poster!