What the hell happened to Vampires? [Archive]

wiggum

July 13th, 2009, 11:20 AM

Okay, so a couple friends and I were discussing movies the other day. I had just gone to see The Hangover on a date (AWESOME movie by the way). After I was done praising The Hangover my friend mentioned that his girlfriend had made him watch the first Twilight movie. He told me that, in that universe, the reason vampires don't go out during the day is that natural light make them sparkle.

I told him that was quite possibly the single stupidest thing I had ever heard, and that he should stop lying about movies just because he didn't like them. He insisted that the vampires in the movie did indeed sparkle. I refused to believe that someone would put something so stupid in a movie. We were going to resolve our differences through the exchange of fisticuffs, but a third party decided to pull out her iphone and prove that the first friend was not a liar and that sparkly vampires had not only entered popular culture, but appear to be taken very seriously by a disturbingly large portion of our population.
:batgirl::nohope::batgirl:

I immerged from my room a few days later after a long bender. It seemed that the consumption of vaste quantities of cheap vodka served only to blunt the pain caused by revelation that writers, filmakers, and even artists have allowed vampires to go from terrifying creatures of the night to annoying panzy emo gang members. What pains me the most is that this change seems to have happened so gradually no one even noticed.

Granted, there have been some cool vampires lately. The ones in 30 Days of Night come to mind, but they seem to be drowned out by the decidedly less awesome vampires that appear in movies like Twilight.

Anyways the reason I'm spending my lunch break writing this is because I'm interested in hearing some opinions on the subject. Or even history, I imagine there a lot of members that no a lot more about vampire lore than I do.

I'm aware I've put way too much thought into this, but as a fanboy I think that good vampires should have the following set of rules:
1.) A newly created vampire should initially be little more than evil versions of their former selves that need to drink blood to survive.
2.) A new vampire would be stronger and faster than their former self but only to a certain degree. The would also have slightly stronger senses.
3.) Newer vampires struggle to control their blood lust and are thus seen as evil. However, this is something that many vampires can grow out of.
4.) The longer a vampire has been around, the more powerful they become. A very old vampire would have the extreme super speed and strength they are shown to have in many of their book and film incarnations.
5.) Regardless of age, it is extremely rare for vampires to have "extra" powers like shapeshifting, or direct mind control. These abilities are reserved for legendary vampires like Dracula or Graf Orlok.
6.) Finally, a vampire is a blood sucking corpse. That is the fundamental nature of it, regardless of anything else that might get stacked on top. Getting bit by a vampire is generally not a pleasant experience (it kind of bothers me when people seem to get off as their getting their blood drained, it just seems like someone taking a bit out of you wouldn't put you "in the mood")

Okay, I've went on more than long enough. And I'm not trying to be a troll or diss people who like Twilight, I'm genuinly curious about the membership's opinions on what a vampire should actually be. Wiggum out.

Nrx

July 13th, 2009, 11:29 AM

if i had a dollar for everytime i was told i reminded somone of jacob, i'd have 4 dollars...

Duq

July 13th, 2009, 11:50 AM

You are looking at this in the wrong way. You are just making a different skin for a vampire.

Vampires represent a negative side of humans. So they need to portray that. The fundamental nature of a vampire is not a bloodsucking corpse. The fundamental nature of a vampire is alot more abstract. They represent lust, greed, barbarism. The decadence that is being misused these days is just a layer to hide the fundamentals. Sadly to many modern storytellers only focus on the decadence part, and forget the rest.

Katfayheirti

July 13th, 2009, 12:01 PM

Zaxser

July 13th, 2009, 12:05 PM

I had some things to say about this the other day... (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/posts.php?discussion=h62imm65umdlai0eb901hoay&page=0#)

(It's on the second page.)

wiggum

July 13th, 2009, 12:06 PM

Excellent point, Dug

But it seems like vampires have become less of a metaphor for evil, and more of a metaphor for STDs. The last time I remember seeing vampires that were almost always evil was in the Buffy show (and the spin-off Angel).

If you've ever watched TruBlood on HBO (a show I love, despite the fact that I'm not a huge fan of their vampires), you'll see that that show uses vampires as a metaphor for opressed minorities (kind of...).

wassermelone

July 13th, 2009, 12:06 PM

You mentioned good treatment of vampires but didn't ever mention Let the Right One In.

Criminal.

arttorney

July 13th, 2009, 12:09 PM

Welcome to the Machine. Movies are being made now to appeal to specifically delineated categories of people. It is a marketing thing. It happens in other media too. Manga even calls itself by specific category names based on the target market. Other forms of art are doing it too, though they may not be as obvious about it.

If you want all the panzy emotards to go spend money on a movie, then make the movie about panzy emotards.

Now for the important part of this post. If you want to see art that expresses your vision, then by all means you should make that art. Don't be shy. Just don't expect to make a fortune. If you make something that is aggro or seriously on the edge then you will probably be getting your money from a slice of the population that is 5% or less. From time to time something really dark strikes a chord and makes money anyway. Good luck.

Edit: I had gotten called away by my boss for a lame meeting but I was going to point out that in the book Mina took an active part in tracking down Dracula and was a generally respectable character. Dracula could go outside by day, but wouldn't cast a shadow. Jonathan Harker was a knife wielding avenger. Even by the time of the 1930 movie Mina was reduced to a satin gown wearing ineffectual figure that the menfolk squabbled over. Jonathan Harker was a handsome young idiot who ran like a girl. Dracula was a snappy dresser who behaved in a generally civilized manner. (This was stuff that was proven to sell in a Broadway play version of the book and it could be gotten past the censors)

wiggum

July 13th, 2009, 12:15 PM

I hated Twilight and the Hangover, but when I hear complaints like this, I think people should just go write their own bestselling series of novels with their own, preferred version of vampires instead of moping around and telling people what vampires should and shouldn't be. Seriously. You could even turn this passion of yours for 'real' vampires into a kickass concept illustration if you really wanted to.

Ow...my pride...

I get your point, I'm just trying to have a little fun and see what other people's opinions on the subject are (and, before it comes up, I didn't actually almost get in fight, or go on a bender over this).

Zaxser

July 13th, 2009, 12:16 PM

To Katfayheirti:

It's all about what you like and/or find scary. To me, the things vampires are never portrayed viscerally enough. The way they bite might as well being a kiss from your pruny old great aunt. To me, it's got to me more action, more focus on the the things they do.

To other people, they might not look cool enough, or aren't sexy enough, or dark enough. To some people, they're needs to be more emotional reaction going on. Going from a human to something else needs to feel like a drastic, life changing tranformation.

Vampires are kind of a blank slate, there are a lot of things you can do with them. (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/OurVampiresAreDifferent) This is my personal bias entirely, but Twilight is not one of those things. (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/YourVampiresSuck)

squidmonk3j

July 13th, 2009, 12:23 PM

Dusty

July 13th, 2009, 12:37 PM

You mentioned good treatment of vampires but didn't ever mention Let the Right One In.

Criminal.

^This^

Vampire movies pretty much suck these days and that includes 30 days of Night. What a terrible movie. I'm just so tired of the whole generic vampire these days with the goth clothing, wild eyes contacts, and "inward screaching/hissing" that they all have to do.

Give me a movie like Let the Right One In, Near Dark, or George Romero's Martin (my favorite vampire movie ever) over that crap any day. I'm completely jaded on vampire movies in general, though, so I'm probably a little more bitter than most. It's cool if you like the inward hissing goths yapping about seduction this and that the whole movie, but it's completely tired to me. It needs something more for me to be interested. Twilight is definitely not the only problem with vampire movies these days, though it is painful to watch from what I have seen (which happily, isn't much).

I'll tell ya what needs to happen, though.
Someone needs to hire Kev Walker to design vampires for a movie...because this painting he did for WotC is probably one of the coolest looking vampires I've ever seen:
http://www.wizards.com/magic/images/cardart/9ED/Sengir_Vampire.jpg

Goog

July 13th, 2009, 12:46 PM

You say "tow-mate-o" I say "tow-mat-o"...One man's trash is another man's treasure...etc.etc.etc.

You are not a teenage girl, therefore you will not like teenage girl things. You should not be upset about such a fact.

Katfayheirti

July 13th, 2009, 01:03 PM

Ow...my pride...

I get your point, I'm just trying to have a little fun and see what other people's opinions on the subject are (and, before it comes up, I didn't actually almost get in fight, or go on a bender over this).

Sorry. I didn't really mean to lash out at you. I think my eye just caught this thread when I was in a particularly bitter mood.

Anyway, Twilight appeals to a mass audience which neither you nor I are a part of, but happens to have enough members to support huge book and movie deals. I'm sure there's a market for your type of vampire too, but it might not be as large or profitable.

That said, I think all vampires should look like this :) ...

wiggum

July 13th, 2009, 01:07 PM

Surprisingly, I've never heard of Let the Right One In. I guess I'll have to go out and rent it.

Goog, I get what your saying. But man, it just doesn't seem right to me. I kind of equate what Twilight and its ilk are doing to vampires to what Adam West did to Batman. If vampires find themselves pigeonholed into teen girl fantasies then it could be decades before they can be seen as anything else.

Maybe i'm just overreacting.

Straight Edge Ryan

July 13th, 2009, 01:22 PM

that show True Blood is pretty good. At first I was like "oh a show about vampires, that sounds retarded" but it's actually pretty entertaining

DSillustration

July 13th, 2009, 01:31 PM

You mentioned good treatment of vampires but didn't ever mention Let the Right One In.

Criminal.

Quite possibly the best vampire movie EVER.
And do yourself a favor, don't watch it dubbed.

el coro

July 13th, 2009, 01:31 PM

vampires are kind of like men who love men to me. they both tend to sparkle sometimes, suck fleshy things, and i've personally always been keen to respectfully stay out of both social circles for fact that i dont share their interests of neck or dick. its totally cool to be either homo or hemo in my eyes. just not both. unless they're safe and wear little fang condoms to stop the spread of aids. :batgirl:

oh and let the right one in was a great movie.

c36

tmbritton

July 13th, 2009, 01:32 PM

I rarely see this movie come up in discussions about vampires, but I highly recommend Habit (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0113241/). They use vampires more as a metaphor for addiction in that movie.

Flake

July 13th, 2009, 02:15 PM

Ultraviolet (Channel 4 miniseries, not the godawful Kurt Wimmer film) was an interesting take on vampires I thought.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0169501/

Cthogua

July 13th, 2009, 02:18 PM

Quite possibly the best vampire movie EVER.
And do yourself a favor, don't watch it dubbed.

Seconded. The dubs are TERRIBLE and completely ruin the mood/atmosphere of the movie. My wife read the book and said that it was good as well.

I've also gotten into True Blood because of my wife, who read all the novels the series is "based" on. I have to say despite a few actors being kind of annoying I really like the shows take on Vampires in modern society attempting to gain mainstream acceptance while also still in many cases still being fairly monstrous in their treatment of humans. The church fighting their acceptance, and the blood as a drug aspect of it also lend interesting facets to the show. It's certainly not Shakespeare but it's definitely entertaining. Plus now there's a crazy Maenad who gains power from having crazy parties and orgies where people go all wild...this season is actually shaping up to be pretty fun.

Flake

July 13th, 2009, 02:38 PM

True Blood starts over here this week so I'll give it a shot.

Elwell

July 13th, 2009, 03:00 PM

But it seems like vampires have become less of a metaphor for evil, and more of a metaphor for STDs.

Do some reading into the history of vamp literature*. They've always been a metaphor for both, for any sort of contagion, for sex and death. Dracula has echoes of syphilis, and Anne Rice and The Hunger are products of the age of AIDS.

*David Skal's Hollywod Gothic (http://www.amazon.com/Hollywood-Gothic-Tangled-Dracula-Screen/dp/0571211585) is a good place to start.

smugbug

July 13th, 2009, 03:04 PM

Quite possibly the best vampire movie EVER.
And do yourself a favor, don't watch it dubbed.

I'd like to put out a warning in regards to the Let The Right One In DVD, non-dubbed/subtitled version. The subtitles have been definitely "dumbed down" - they're NOTHING like the US theatrical release. I know for sure the DVD available on Netflix is this version.

Read about this here: http://www.fangoria.com/home/news/16-dvd-a-blu-ray/1863-let-the-right-one-in-dvd-subtitle-mess-cleared-upto-an-extent.html

Just thought I'd throw out my PSA (Public Service Announcement) as I felt this film was THE best of last year. Not just a good vampire flick, but a damn good movie overall.

And don't get me started on "written for 12-yr old by a woman who REFUSES to watch any Rated-R movie or ANY vampire movie" Twilight. I work part-time in a book store and I can't count how many times a breathless 40-something woman with her teenage daughter in tow comes up to the register begging for this book (or any book in the series). Asking me with pleading eyes, "have you read this?? My friends can't stop talking about it". And how glazed her eyes are when I suggest to also read, "Dracula" or watch either "Let the Right One In" or "Near Dark" (my fave vamp movie of all time).

Grrrrrr.....

ETA: I'm now a True Blood fan and the Sookie Stackhouse books by Charlaine Harris are good reads. As for the vampire/blood/addiction metaphor another good and interesting film is Abel Ferrara's "The Addiction".

VirusArtist

July 13th, 2009, 03:07 PM

Whooooooooaah... waitaminute.. loved "let the right one in", but best vampire movie ever? I have to disagree.. the top spot will always be held by "Near Dark" in my oppinion ;)

Also I liked the vampies in the first "blade" movie: snobbistic, hedonistic yuppies without a concience, who couldnt care less about humans and behave like the mafia. actually a pretty realistic interpretation if you ask me.

The only thing that always bothered me about the countless interpretations of vampires was the missing junkie aspect (except for the movie "habit" as tmbritton already pointed out).
think about it: they behave miserably or like animals if they dont get blood, they get superstrong and high as long as they have a steady supply of it, they are willing to kill anyone or anything just to get their next fix- sounds like freaky crack junkies to me.

AAAAAAAAND to top things of, here's a little shameless self promotion:

110r_-J32mY

Cheers,
Etienne

J Wilson

July 13th, 2009, 03:55 PM

He told me that, in that universe, the reason vampires don't go out during the day is that natural light make them sparkle.

In my vampire novel, vampires also won't drink blood, but instead they'll love nachos! They also won't be the living dead, but instead just be very sleepy...

Yeah, I don't mind someone having their own take on things now and then, as long as it's interesting and has a purpose. Vampires that sparkle just served to make them seem magical and beautiful and added nothing to anything except to make young girls swoon with the sheer beauty of it (which I hear the book was incredibly dull about having the main character constantly day dreaming about how dreamy the vampire was...).

I really enjoyed Let the Right One In, especially the ending, and what happens when you don't invite a vampire in :P True Blood has been a lot of fun, and while at first I wasn't sure about Vampires all out in the open, it did lead to some interesting new directions to take vampires in, which is an example of the GOOD ways to change things up in order to explore other possibilities.

Jason Rainville

July 13th, 2009, 04:14 PM

Twilight =/= all new vampire films or tv shows. You mentioned True Blood yourself, so you know there's hope.

Hookswords

July 13th, 2009, 04:33 PM

http://volite.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/09/chocface.gif

Kagemusha22

July 13th, 2009, 04:54 PM

I can't believe you could be bothered to write that post mate, never mind get bothered by the topic. Who cares?! If you have an imagination you can reinvent the mythos of something to how you want it to be anyway.

edit-

One recent show that I loved, that dealt with mythical creatures in a modern setting was Being Human. Great series, the writing takes it's ques from Doctor Who's approach to Sci-Fi/fantasy writing, by treating the fantastical elements as a platform to explore the existentalist message whilst being a populist set-up.

Also check out the short story The Vampyre by John Pollidori.

Craig D

July 13th, 2009, 05:11 PM

It's just the usual PR makeover. I geuss they thought it was time to redo their image a bit.
Considering at least their old rep though I think you might want a lower profile on the expose.

Peter Coene

July 13th, 2009, 05:16 PM

Well, I suppose that the most "orthodox" idea of a vampire would be that found in Brahm Stoker's book Dracula. (NOT the movie, "Brahm Stoker's Dracula.")Its been a while since Ive read it, but as far as I understand, for the time it was written it was basically a mishmash of the older legends of vampires given in a way that bought them together in a very cool monster.

Being that all evil is protrayed by humans as what is negative in themselves I partially agree with Duq's assertion that "Vampires represent a negative side of humans." However, I think it goes farther than that; vampires represent evil that transcends humanity. In what I consider the most myseterious and creepy accounts of vampirism it is portrayed as a form of demonic posession, in which the soul of the one bitten is damned to watch the acts of their body without any control over it, never being released untill the body is destroyed by sunlight, a stake through the heart, or other methods, often representing ritualistic significance. If anything struck me when reading the orriginal Dracula it was that for the moment between the death of the vampire and disintegration of the body it was always specified that the face took on a look of sublime peace, that they were finally released from their tortured existance.

The idea that the Vampire is the same person as the one who was orriginally human returns humanity to it, and with the humanity comes lust, and with lust comes sexuality. Granted the lust is bloodlust so suddenly the sexuality becomes blood related as well. It should be pointed out that sexuality appears in earlier depections of vampires as well, however, it was always an act on the part of the vampire, and represented sinful temptation rather than an actual sexual desire on the part of the vampire. It was like sirens or succubi/incubi; feigning sexual invitations as a way of leading a mortal to his/her doom.

Plus, what I want to know is whats with the modern vampire look? What happened to the cool castles and capes and stuff? I mean, I realise they get kind of close with some of the goth stuff, but now whenever they go with that it looks like vampires are copying goth rather than goth copying vampires, and it makes me want to go berserk.

I do suppose that the anime "Helsing" series is unique in its portrayal, and I like that. I also like that it keeps a lot of the cool religious bits... though it distorts them... which I guess is ok as it is another culture's take on it and pulls it off in a way that is figgin' awesome.

IKV Nexis

July 13th, 2009, 05:18 PM

http://i123.photobucket.com/albums/o293/ikvnexis/spark.jpg

Bronke

July 13th, 2009, 05:45 PM

This is why I prefer werewolves, they're big, hairy, mean and eat raw meat. Screw the emo pansy romance novel vampires. It's also why I like the Nosferatu version of vampire.

OmenSpirits

July 13th, 2009, 05:51 PM

Vampires vs. Politicians?

My money's on the politician. :D

Vampires in fiction is as played out as the serial killer.

Give the masses mediocrity, don't aim for something unique, and you'll be just fine. ;)

Jasonwclark

July 13th, 2009, 06:41 PM

Another reason to read Apuleius: Book 5, where the witches Panthia and Meroe commence to thoroughly draining one Socrates of Larissa, in classical Vampire fashion. More engaging than a film, and half as expensive. :)

You might also read Byron as well, since he's still the godfather of the Romantic Vampire (beating out Stoker by more than half a century.) Sex and Vampires have pretty much inseparable ever since. Which makes sense when you consider the origins of most the folk legends. Whether they throw off a nice Mormon glow when sunlight hits them, or explode into puddles of oozing gore, is pretty incidental.

I think its rather cool that the ladies have been stepping up to flesh out this part of the horror genre lately, throwing their own twist on things. I know "Interview with the Vampire" was in heavy rotation, and my girlfriend couldn't get enough of True Blood and those Stephenie Meyer books. And why not? There's only so much you can do with the Slavic and German folklore, and that ground has been pretty well trod already. Anything that gets a 14 year old to put down the iphone for half a minute and crack a book these days, is alright by me.

:batgirl:

Nibras

July 13th, 2009, 06:46 PM

I liked twilight...........................
Everyone seems to hate, but really if you're a teen girl it's has a whole new meaning to it :P

Peter Coene

July 13th, 2009, 07:59 PM

I liked twilight...........................
Everyone seems to hate, but really if you're a teen girl it's has a whole new meaning to it :P

Sorry to say, but I think thats why we hate it.

Flake

July 13th, 2009, 08:07 PM

Elwell

July 13th, 2009, 08:18 PM

You might also read Byron as well, since he's still the godfather of the Romantic Vampire (beating out Stoker by more than half a century.)

Although if you're referring to the Vampyre (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Vampyre), it was actually written by John Polidori.

Check out Carmilla (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carmilla) as well.

arttorney

July 13th, 2009, 08:26 PM

Speaking of beating out Stoker by more than half a century:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Varney_the_Vampire

Hookswords

July 13th, 2009, 09:28 PM

Daybreakers looks like an interesting take on the genre

ayYiMygqlfo

Katezila

July 13th, 2009, 09:38 PM

...and soon we will see the Princess kiss the Frog only to become a frog herself. And little princesses everywhere are fondling plastic unicorns made in China.

Mythology isn't what is used to be, and Walt Disney is the Great Deceiver:)

She turns into a frog because she herself is not a princess. She's at a costume ball. I think thats a pretty creative twist.

Meh. I don't like the Twilight take on vamps. I especially don't like it because Meyers has never read/seen a single important vampire film or book. She just made up her whole entire folklore.

IKV Nexis

July 13th, 2009, 09:50 PM

Now THESE are Vampires! Left-Max Schreck right-Klaus Kinski

http://i123.photobucket.com/albums/o293/ikvnexis/vampire9.jpghttp://i123.photobucket.com/albums/o293/ikvnexis/Klaus_Kinski_as_Count_Dracula_in_No.jpg

Ilaekae

July 13th, 2009, 10:39 PM

A vampire is just somebody with a neck fetish and lactose intolerance who smells funny.

RyerOrdStar

July 13th, 2009, 10:52 PM

What's interesting is reading Wikipedia's description of how they're supposed to look. Methinks Bella would've gotten quite a shock if Edward looked like this

Vampires were usually reported as bloated in appearance, and ruddy, purplish, or dark in colour; these characteristics were often attributed to the recent drinking of blood. Indeed, blood was often seen seeping from the mouth and nose when one was seen in its shroud or coffin and its left eye was often open.[27] It would be clad in the linen shroud it was buried in, and its teeth, hair, and nails may have grown somewhat, though in general fangs were not a feature.[28]

daestwen

July 13th, 2009, 11:08 PM

Pff.

My favourite vampires are all the ones written during the victorian era to warn off girls from lesbianism. They made these incredibly sexy, power vampire women seduce all these gorgeous but naive and honest upper class girls and then one of two things happen: the girls fall for it, and suffer horrible greusome 'cleansing' deaths, or the vampire is totally slaughtered by the girl's 'admirer' who saves her and then they get married. It's a great source of really hot lesbian erotica when it was very very very not allowed! Hence all the terrible endings.

ahem. My point is, lesbian vampires all the way.

yum.

Interceptor

July 14th, 2009, 12:10 AM

No one mentions the darker side of vampires?
http://alertageral.files.wordpress.com/2008/10/poster-blacula.jpg

Aly Fell

July 14th, 2009, 12:52 AM

Plus, what I want to know is whats with the modern vampire look? What happened to the cool castles and capes and stuff? I mean, I realise they get kind of close with some of the goth stuff, but now whenever they go with that it looks like vampires are copying goth rather than goth copying vampires, and it makes me want to go berserk.

Goth looks have often been Vampire inspired. You just have to look at Dave Vanian (the clue is in the name) from The Damned, one of the seminal Goth looks, or Pete Murphy from Bauhaus. Siouxsie Sioux etc... It's just gone full circle. Goth emulated the Victorian vampire look, modern writers (such as Poppy Z Brite etc) make their Vampires look like Goths. I'm actually wondering if Dave Vanian really is a vampire as he never seems to get any older...

And Daestwen... couldn't agree more! ;)

Mr Man

July 14th, 2009, 03:07 AM

Personally I prefer the type of vampires that have a unique design/element to them. There are tonnes of possibilities for making great characters and It almost seems that some people aren't taking full advantage of it.

I really like the vampires from the legacy of Kain series. It's a cool idea that they slowly evolve overtime into more hideous forms, such as this guy below.

Interesting topic, It's made me want to go draw some vampires now! :D

http://www.thelostworlds.net/SR1/Images/Turel-Turel-Concept-02.JPG

http://media.giantbomb.com/uploads/0/3661/252371-kain_poster_super.jpg

Gavage

July 14th, 2009, 06:13 AM

The whole melancholy, romanticised-eroticised shapeshifting creature of the night praying on lustful wayward maidens aspect was perfect in Dracula... but it feels old and tired in anything more modern. Remember seeing Underworld a few years ago and from what I recall, all the vampires in it did was sit around in a big castle looking vaguely pissed off about something.

I preferred the sort of feral vampires in I Am Legend, although the film itself was very tedious. The I guess it'd be nice to see people trying to take it in different directions.

wiggum

July 14th, 2009, 09:20 AM

While we all have our own ideas of exactly what a vampire should be, over the centuries things have been boiled down to three basic rules for a vampire archetype:

1.) A vampire is undead
2.) A vampire drinks blood to survive
3.) A vampire can only come out at night (because the sun will either kill them, or cause them serious harm)

We might disagree on the details, but in genenral we can all agree on this much. So when someone messes around with these basics I believe there should be some backlash, even if it is just some dude on a blog (like me) bitching about it.

As far as twilight goes, I think the guys over a CRACKED.COM (http://www.cracked.com/funny-36-twilight/) have a pretty good take on it.

dwilliams

July 14th, 2009, 09:29 AM

What's wrong with making up your own fantasies or mythologies? Why do you have to follow what everyone else has done?

EDIT- not that it's a bad thing if you do, I don't see why there has to be a backlash about it if you don't though.

Zaxser

July 14th, 2009, 09:40 AM

xTwhAEOAI1k

Elwell

July 14th, 2009, 10:05 AM

I'm actually wondering if Dave Vanian really is a vampire as he never seems to get any older...

I dunno, Dave is looking more like the Penguin than the Count these days ;).
http://photos-c.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-snc1/v369/29/78/14954581118/n14954581118_2117426_6599.jpg

Elwell

July 14th, 2009, 10:10 AM

So when someone messes around with these basics I believe there should be some backlash, even if it is just some dude on a blog (like me) bitching about it.

How old are you?

Choob

July 14th, 2009, 10:11 AM

Sparkly vampires?

Seriously?

:jawdrop:

That's crap, I knew that Twilight had made Vampires into moody emos but I never thought....sparkly?!?

I am shocked and ashamed to have ever been a vampire.

Elwell

July 14th, 2009, 10:13 AM

Aly Fell

July 14th, 2009, 10:23 AM

What a great pic! He's a star! Sadly the South Park link doesn't work for Brits, although they do say sorry England.

papervampire

July 14th, 2009, 10:26 AM

you'll probably dislike me, since I suck paper instead of blood. I only sparkle when I wear my bling, though. ; )

and yeah, 'let the right one' in was great, and the dubbing was not. as far as 'twilight', I haven't read the book or seen the movie. I don't plan to. I doubt i would like it. however if people are happy and enjoying it, and it's causing kids to pick up a book and read, then it's alright by me.

Elwell

July 14th, 2009, 10:45 AM

What a great pic! He's a star! Sadly the South Park link doesn't work for Brits, although they do say sorry England.

Try this (http://watch-films-online.com/2009/05/south-park-season-12-episode-14-the-ungroundable/).

Qitsune

July 14th, 2009, 11:06 AM

I don't know who voted anyone here the myth police. Fiction is fiction and people can do what they want with it as long as it doesn't break copyright law. It's exactly when people say that using references is cheating or that using white when doing watercolour is oh so wrong.

That said, I think that for their own general culture a lot more people should read Polidori, Carmilla, and the other classics, as well as stuff that innovates on the genre(Vampire junction, Suzy McKee Charnas's ordinary vampire stories, Barbara Hambly's vampire spies stories.)

Eh, and my favorites are the old school White Wolf vampires and garous (and changelings and magi)

Daniel Andrews

July 14th, 2009, 11:48 AM

the reason vampires don't go out during the day is that natural light make them sparkle.

Say WHAAAAT!

IKV Nexis

July 14th, 2009, 12:13 PM

http://i123.photobucket.com/albums/o293/ikvnexis/celebrity-pictures-tommy-lee-jones-.jpg

squidmonk3j

July 14th, 2009, 12:16 PM

wiggum,

What you must understand is this: the movie -is- the vampire. Undead memes are mistaken for re-interpretations, and the infected are growing in numbers.

Peter Coene

July 14th, 2009, 12:29 PM

Goth looks have often been Vampire inspired. You just have to look at Dave Vanian (the clue is in the name) from The Damned, one of the seminal Goth looks, or Pete Murphy from Bauhaus. Siouxsie Sioux etc... It's just gone full circle. Goth emulated the Victorian vampire look, modern writers (such as Poppy Z Brite etc) make their Vampires look like Goths. I'm actually wondering if Dave Vanian really is a vampire as he never seems to get any older...

I realise that the Goth look is vampire inspired, and I'm fine with that. However, I feel that going the other way (vampire imagery being inspired by the goth look) is getting annoying. I mean, once in a while its ok, but I would like it even more (and this applies to other genres as well) if instead of copying a copy of a copy of a copy someone would do the research on the orrigins of these things and have that be what begins to show up in popular cultrure. Bring back the old medieval Polish/Germanic stories of damned pagan princes, the Turkish legends of princesses trying to gain immortality by bathing in the blood of virgins.

I'm not saying the new stuff shouldn't be made; if it sells it sells. However I myself have no interest in sparkly vampires, and feel that instead the legends with their mystery and cultural identity which truly interests me should be looked at as well. I would love to see someone research the cultures these things build from in the same way as was done for LOTR. If it is based on Transylvanian vampires then lets see over the top traditional Transylvanian design mixed in with the stuff. If its in the Black Forest in Gemany I'd love to see gothic armor, mothbitten Landsknecht puffed and slashed styled clothing, Castles that have gone through the ravages of time; built in the middle ages, blown up by Napoleon, partially (and incorrectly) rebuilt by romanticists, used as a fortres by Nazis. I mean, there is so much that can be done with this stuff but all that it seems anyone is going with/noticing is the specific parts of vampire lore that can be portrayed as sexy, and the sexyness is always portrayed in a modern context.

wiggum

July 14th, 2009, 12:31 PM

Fiction is fiction and people can do what they want with it as long as it doesn't break copyright law. It's exactly when people say that using references is cheating or that using white when doing watercolour is oh so wrong.

I didn't really intend this to be a serious discussion, I'm just pointing out something I find worthy of ridicule.

I also wasn't trying to declare myself the sheriff of mythtown. But when sparkly vampires are being taken seriously...maybe we should start handing out badges.

Aly Fell

July 14th, 2009, 02:26 PM

Elwell

July 14th, 2009, 02:31 PM

Oh poo. Well, it's season 12, episode 14, you should be able to find it somewhere. Definitely worth it, especially for "Burn Down Hot Topic."
16xbeK6Loa8

Cthogua

July 14th, 2009, 02:32 PM

Vampires + sunlight should involve a whole bunch of biting, exploding, screaming and catching fire.

That's just how it works.

Sparkling should not be an option.

How crap would it be being the most rubbish vampire of all time?

"Oh yeah dude, I caught some rays the other day, Cousin Ted totally exploded in a screaming fireball, Ted's Old school though, , I just chilled, didn't bite anything and kinda...sparkled..It was alright, then I wrote some angsty poems and sucked some more.."

GET OUT! YOU ARE RUINING MY MYTHOLOGY!

The way they die in True Blood is great, and really nasty. I believe in a recent episode one of the characters described it as "popping like a water balloon". Their faces turn all lizardy for a second then they just kind of pop/collapse in a shower of stringy, sticky blood goo. It's awesome :P

Enydimon

July 14th, 2009, 03:01 PM

I honestly don't care that sparkling vampires were made, considering there are way too many variations of vampires from different cultures and some almost entirely different from that of Dracula, who was pop culture to begin with.

What bothers me is bad writing and the bad message it gives to young girls. That's what people should be pissed over.

tobbA

July 14th, 2009, 03:09 PM

I'd like to put out a warning in regards to the Let The Right One In DVD, non-dubbed/subtitled version. The subtitles have been definitely "dumbed down" - they're NOTHING like the US theatrical release. I know for sure the DVD available on Netflix is this version.

Amen to that... I decided to turn on the english subtitles while watching it just to see how the language was interpreted. It was pretty silly when a line that should have been translated "good night you fat fuck" or something like that turned into "good night old friend"...

Hookswords

July 14th, 2009, 03:17 PM

RB2610

July 14th, 2009, 03:51 PM

6.) Finally, a vampire is a blood sucking corpse. That is the fundamental nature of it, regardless of anything else that might get stacked on top. Getting bit by a vampire is generally not a pleasant experience (it kind of bothers me when people seem to get off as their getting their blood drained, it just seems like someone taking a bit out of you wouldn't put you "in the mood")

Actually I read a copy of Bram Stoker's Dracula which had a load of background notes at the front that elaborated on some of the themes of the book and it did actually say that there were strong sexual undertones to the whole business of vampires and bloodsucking, so I wouldn't dismiss that idea quite so hastily if I were you.

Duq

July 14th, 2009, 04:44 PM

http://www.impawards.com/1967/posters/fearless_vampire_killers.jpg

Random awesome vampire movie!

wiggum

July 14th, 2009, 05:06 PM

Actually I read a copy of Bram Stoker's Dracula which had a load of background notes at the front that elaborated on some of the themes of the book and it did actually say that there were strong sexual undertones to the whole business of vampires and bloodsucking, so I wouldn't dismiss that idea quite so hastily if I were you.

Alright, fair enough. Maybe I did dismiss that aspect without enough thought, it just seems like getting bitten by a corpse (even a sparkly corpse) wouldn't be cool at all.

Straight Edge Ryan

July 14th, 2009, 05:07 PM

Real vampires dont fucking sparkle

Elwell

July 14th, 2009, 05:16 PM

Alright, fair enough. Maybe I did dismiss that aspect without enough thought,
http://handy.ytmnd.com/

Enydimon

July 14th, 2009, 05:18 PM

Real vampires dont fucking sparkle

As opposed to real vampires? ;)

wiggum

July 14th, 2009, 05:21 PM

http://handy.ytmnd.com/

Ouch :(

Peter Coene

July 14th, 2009, 05:35 PM

Peter - In the end nothing is copying anything that becomes a copy of a copy etc. It's all grist to the mill. There's so much different stuff around it's just all part of the collective consciousness. There's room for eastern European inspired stuff, Goth vampires, Dracula, Carmilla, Lesbian Vampires, manga vampires, hybrid bunny ones whatever. Even sparkly ones if that's your thing. We all live in one big happy Vampire world and should learn... to... just get along.... Maybe that's the true message of 'Vampire', a big universal brother/sisterhood of love. Join with me...

On the contrary: everything is copying something.

I don't disagree with your message, though, and as I stated before, I'm not trying to stop anyone else from making their type of vampire. I don't care if they sparkle, sneeze, whatever. They can have gay anal sex while shooting rainbows out of their bellybuttons for all I care. However, just because I have no reason, desire, or ability to stop anyone from making or watching that, it doesn't mean I have to like it or to watch it myself.

While I'm don't want to stop anyone else's creative pursuits I am simply stating that I'd be pleased as punch if someone would make movies about vampires with the type of charicteristics that I would like to see.

Zapp!

July 15th, 2009, 04:25 AM

I liked the vampires in he Lost Boys. They weren't goths or pansy emos. They were rock vampires. And they had some grizzly deaths.

Choob

July 15th, 2009, 04:58 AM

http://fc09.deviantart.com/fs38/f/2008/365/d/d/sparkly_vampire_by_blastedgoose.png

IKV Nexis

July 15th, 2009, 10:47 AM

http://i123.photobucket.com/albums/o293/ikvnexis/vampire-795761.jpg

AldosKirin

July 20th, 2009, 04:04 AM

I didn't really intend this to be a serious discussion, I'm just pointing out something I find worthy of ridicule.

I also wasn't trying to declare myself the sheriff of mythtown. But when sparkly vampires are being taken seriously...maybe we should start handing out badges.

I Have a confession.

I suffered in a past relationship with a girl, who made me read the first three books.

It was very abusive, but now I don't feel any shame to say it.
I knew that things went downhill when she described the upcoming movies as "Like Hillary Duff's flicks, but with the myth of vampires" (alongside with many other things pointless to the thread...).

Textual words from her mouth. Can I have a Badge now?

:D

AldosKirin

July 20th, 2009, 04:17 AM

wiggum

July 20th, 2009, 09:45 AM

I Have a confession.

I suffered in a past relationship with a girl, who made me read the first three books.

It was very abusive, but now I don't feel any shame to say it.
I knew that things went downhill when she described the upcoming movies as "Like Hillary Duff's flicks, but with the myth of vampires" (alongside with many other things pointless to the thread...).

Textual words from her mouth. Can I have a Badge now?

:D

You can be the first deputy of mythtown :batgirl:

But in all seriousness this could have been a very good discussion about vampire mythology. I guess my first post was poorly worded an made me come across like some troll.

All I was trying to say is that vampires in general should follow three basic rules:
1.) They rely on the blood of the living for sustanence (usually by drinking it)
2.) They are undead
3.) They cannot be exposed to sunlight (because it causes them physical harm, not because it makes them look like sissys)

If a creature in a particular story doesn't conform to these rules it might be "vampiric," but I wouldn't call it a vampire. Hell, I can even deal with exceptions within a particular story (like, say, an incredibly old vampire acquires the ability to go outside during the day, or discovers that it doesn't need blood for sustance), but this has to be an exception, not a rule.

And again, this is just my opinion. Its not like me and deputy AldosKirin up there are going to get the mythtown all rilled up and start an angry protest or anything.

wiggum

July 20th, 2009, 09:59 AM

And the message is?

The bad message being refered to is that the main character seems to totally devote herself to this vampire despite all the good reasons not to. I think there is one part where he leaves her and she proceeds to destroy her life to get his attention. Most people would say that kind of message is not good for young girls.

jhgoforth

July 20th, 2009, 12:18 PM

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kurozuka Kurozuka is a great vampire-type story anime from last fall. It's not entirely in the realm of the classical vampire as it's intermixed with a lot of japanese folklore but it's a beautitfully done animation and art style with a crazy story.

velderia

July 20th, 2009, 12:53 PM

I have a friend that likes the original Dracula, An Interview with a Vampire, and - believe it or not - Twilight! Lighten up people. :)

Nobody likes emo vampire fanatics.

http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2007/03/emocatissoemo.jpg?w=350&h=262

Keeviin

July 20th, 2009, 01:17 PM

The bad message being refered to is that the main character seems to totally devote herself to this vampire despite all the good reasons not to. I think there is one part where he leaves her and she proceeds to destroy her life to get his attention. Most people would say that kind of message is not good for young girls.

Agreed, though this kind of message seems completely irrelevant or ridiculous compared to the "bad message" or controversy presented in Paradise Lost, Heart of Darkness, Lolita, or <insert anything by Nietzsche>.
Then again, comparing Twilight to these masterpieces is even more ridiculous. :bs:

My point should have been that good literature (may also apply to other forms of art) does not have to convey a good message, or any "message" (=intentional communication) at all.

Hookswords

July 20th, 2009, 01:19 PM

http://depblog.weblogs.us/wp-content/uploads/2007/06/vampire_hunter_d.jpg

wiggum

July 20th, 2009, 02:10 PM

Agreed, though this kind of message seems completely irrelevant or ridiculous compared to the "bad message" or controversy presented in Paradise Lost, Heart of Darkness, Lolita, or <insert anything by Nietzsche>.
Then again, comparing Twilight to these masterpieces is even more ridiculous. :bs:

My point should have been that good literature (may also apply to other forms of art) does not have to convey a good message, or any "message" (=intentional communication) at all.

I'll agree that literature doesn't necessarily have to convey a message, but then I doubt that a massive army of tween girls are going to their nearest bookstore to read pick up Paradise Lost.

Twilight is directly targeted towards kids (admitedly this says alot about my priorities, such as vampire movies and loneliness, that I would be so pissed off about something aimed at teen girls), and as such the author should try to be a little more careful about what she is saying in her books.

Keeviin

July 20th, 2009, 02:38 PM

admitedly this says alot about my priorities, such as vampire movies and lonliness, that I would be so pissed off about something aimed at teen girls

...and starting a thread about sparkling vampires (4 pages and counting), getting people like me aggravated about something we've never even heard or read about. :pirate: I sure hope you're proud of yourself Sir!

AldosKirin

July 20th, 2009, 02:39 PM

Molly

July 20th, 2009, 03:00 PM

Get The Strain by Guillermo Del Toro. I've been listening to the audio book, read by Ron Pearlman, and it certainately puts a nice phat stake into Twighlight and any other teen vamp genres.
(sorry Twighlight fans, I caught a glimpse of it the other night, and was not impressed)

The Whistler

July 20th, 2009, 03:40 PM

I read the first book of Twilight, I disliked it so much I never wanted to see the movie.

True Blood on the other hand I'm hooked on. My favorite show ever, even though I have no wish whatsoever to read the books.

As for movies, I have to get my hands on this one ;) Lesbian Vampire Killers (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1020885/)

AldosKirin

July 20th, 2009, 04:12 PM

Hookswords

July 20th, 2009, 05:29 PM

I'm curious about True Blood...

I started watching it. I'm about 4 episodes in. I'm not impressed so far but I'm told it gets better. I shouldnt have to endure a portion of a series in order to get to something worth appreciating, but it's too early to tell really. I enjoy the concepts and how they are handling the vampire bit, but it feels like....I dont know how to say it....overacted by B rate actors.....melodramatic....corny.... it has its moments but I'm not sure if there are enough moments to hold my interest.

Flake

July 20th, 2009, 06:32 PM

I just started watching it too and so far I'm enjoying it a whole lot.

Vampire Bill was also in Ultraviolet, the other vamp show I recommended earlier in the thread. Yay typecasting.

Straight Edge Ryan

July 20th, 2009, 06:48 PM

I'm curious about True Blood...

It's a similar premise of a lot of vampire movies but the whole deal is that vampires have revealed themselves to people and they're trying to fit into society, get civil rights, and all that. But you've got lot's of skeptical people and churches that hate 'em, it's pretty much an allusion to civil rights moments. Good show imo

Flake

July 20th, 2009, 06:54 PM

It's genuinely funny in places too, which is a nice change for a typically pouty and serious genre.

Peter Coene

July 20th, 2009, 08:30 PM

but the whole deal is that vampires have revealed themselves to people and they're trying to fit into society, get civil rights, and all that. But you've got lot's of skeptical people and churches that hate 'em, it's pretty much an allusion to civil rights moments. Good show imo

Its like vampires meets X-men.

The Whistler

July 21st, 2009, 05:14 AM

I don't know, I think True Blood is great, especially when compared to all the vampire related crap I've been watching recently (e.g. Embrace of the Vampire (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0109723/)). Maybe it's because I find the world in TB similar to the World of Darkness (White Wolf's one), and I love pen and paper vampire RPing, and I also do the whole trading card game thing :)
Anyways, season 2 is better than season 1, and I've watched season 1 three times. But you know, opinions are like assholes... ;)

wiggum

July 21st, 2009, 06:51 AM

The Whistler

July 21st, 2009, 07:36 AM

My concern with this show isn't its quality its HBO's history of coming up with really, really good shows and the canceling them prematurely for idiotic reasons. Case in point: Deadwood being cancelled for a show about surfers (that failed after one episode)!! Deadwood easily could have gone on for two or three more seasons! There are also shows like Rome and Carnival that died with little to no reason. Lets hope that TruBlood isn't added to that list.

I know what you're saying, and I hope the same.

TB actually has a great chance of surviving though, I've read that the season 2 premiere viewer ratings were as high as The Sopranos final episode, and supposedly the number of viewers has been growing... I can always hope, right? ;)

As for Rome, I never watched it but I think a friend of mine said it was canceled because it was extremely expensive, not sure though.

Zaxser

July 21st, 2009, 07:37 AM

I like TruBlood even though I really don't like how powerful they've made their vampires.

My concern with this show isn't its quality its HBO's history of coming up with really, really good shows and the canceling them prematurely for idiotic reasons. Case in point: Deadwood being cancelled for a show about surfers (that failed after one episode)!! Deadwood easily could have gone on for two or three more seasons! There are also shows like Rome and Carnival that died with little to no reason. Lets hope that TruBlood isn't added to that list.

It was a shame about Carnivale, (not enough people watched, and it was just too damned expensive, similar to Kings) but Rome didn't so much get cancelled as end. Ceaser rose, fail, and named a successor in his place. The end.

There were lots of people watching Deadwood, though. The whole "Sopranos in the 19th century" vibe I got turned me off the show, so I can't say what might have happened. I didn't even know it was cancelled.

Sometimes good shows just need to killed off. Dead Like Me started great and slowly got crappier and crappier. It was a real shame, but sometimes sick dogs need to be put down.

IKV Nexis

July 21st, 2009, 10:39 AM

http://i123.photobucket.com/albums/o293/ikvnexis/jesus-christ-vampire-hunter-00.jpg

Jesus Christ! Kung Fu Vampire Hunter! THE MUSICAL!!!!
I'm NOT KIDDING!! This is a truly bad absolutly funny Low Low budget movie filmed here in Ottawa, Canada back in 2000.
:wtf::batgirl::canadian::canadapatriot:

Straight Edge Ryan

July 21st, 2009, 02:37 PM

^greatest movie idea ever, hands down

And most recent episodes of true blood take place in Dallas, I keep watching hoping I'll recognize something (assuming they're actually filming in Dallas that is)

AldosKirin

July 21st, 2009, 04:31 PM

So far.

True Blood has a similar feeling to World of Darkness, but with the little (SURE) difference that people actually know about Vampires in the first one.
So, I think i'll give it a chance...

THOUGH, I didn't liked the fact that synthetic blood made by japanese scientists is what makes vampires integrate again into society. That means that the Japanese could do lots of atrocities and aberrations, because they have the power to do so. Also, what kind of motivation could they have to do so? They knew about vampires from before, yes, but why? Also... lol @ the name of the female protagonist. It's some sort of silly pun, i think.

Slash

July 21st, 2009, 04:48 PM

Hearing bill say "SOOOKEEEE" makes it all worth it.

LESBIAN VAMPIRE KILLERS is sort of meh. No titty shots, and it smells a lot like someone trying to do a simon pegg/nick frost gambit. (without the funny.)

tobbA

July 21st, 2009, 05:05 PM

I like that the vampire sheriff speaks swedish sometimes :P And also that Bill has got a Wii. Kinda odd detail.

Imo it's a great series. Very good characters and development. Plot seems thick enough as well :)

The Whistler

July 21st, 2009, 05:28 PM

THOUGH, I didn't liked the fact that synthetic blood made by japanese scientists is what makes vampires integrate again into society.

Well yeah, they beat the English scientists to it ;)
artificial blood (http://science.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=07/05/11/1859233&from=rss)

LESBIAN VAMPIRE KILLERS is sort of meh. No titty shots, and it smells a lot like someone trying to do a simon pegg/nick frost gambit. (without the funny.)

Aww man, it's not not even interesting in the pathetic Uwe Boll or Troll2: The goblins kinda way so that you can laugh at how bad it is?

And yeah, the S'KEEEEH part hehehh

And tobbA, I generally think Swedish is awesome ever since I saw Låt den rätte komma in, I've also seen another one of Skarsgård's Swedish movies, I think it was called Hundtricket or something like that, sorry if I misspelled it... He's kind of a big shot in Sweden?

And, I NEED to get my paws on that musical...

EDIT Oh, and yeah, Stephen Seagal made a vampire movie this year... Against the Dark (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1194271/), didn't watch it but it sounds really REALLY bad, even for him, anyone seen it?

Flake

July 21st, 2009, 05:43 PM

Aww man, it's not not even interesting in the pathetic Uwe Boll or Troll2: The goblins kinda way so that you can laugh at how bad it is?

It kinda is, wait till it hits the 60p rental section though.

Troubadour

July 21st, 2009, 05:45 PM

http://img193.imageshack.us/img193/9686/gayvampire1.jpg

yeah you want it....

Peter Coene

July 21st, 2009, 06:21 PM

http://img193.imageshack.us/img193/9686/gayvampire1.jpg

yeah you want it....

... dear lord... this wasn't what I had in mind when I was thinking about "sunlight" and "flaming"...

I'm going to need a crucifix, a set of wooden stakes (preferrably cored with silver and weighted to be loaded in a crossbow), holy water, communion wafers, garlic, relics from saints, a gorget/neck armor piece (preferably with silver inlay and etchings of crosses and varrious other religious symbols, and a sword (if this also doubles as one of the relics all the better)

It should be noted that all this needs to be blessed by an Orthodox or Catholic priest. A bishop or higher would be preferred but I'll take what I can get.

AldosKirin

July 21st, 2009, 07:09 PM

... dear lord... this wasn't what I had in mind when I was thinking about "sunlight" and "flaming"...

I'm going to need a crucifix, a set of wooden stakes (preferrably cored with silver and weighted to be loaded in a crossbow), holy water, communion wafers, garlic, relics from saints, a gorget/neck armor piece (preferably with silver inlay and etchings of crosses and varrious other religious symbols, and a sword (if this also doubles as one of the relics all the better)

It should be noted that all this needs to be blessed by an Orthodox or Catholic priest. A bishop or higher would be preferred but I'll take what I can get.

I think a Whopper does the trick just as good.

Flake

July 21st, 2009, 07:30 PM

Dude, Sunlight?

729901

Edit: Troub, I fixed it, just for you.

Troubadour

July 21st, 2009, 08:08 PM

lens flare that shit :B

AldosKirin

July 21st, 2009, 08:41 PM

Dude, Sunlight?

729901

they don't sparkle that much. Believe me its more girly like. Like glitter and shimmerig little pieces of gay.

Flake

July 21st, 2009, 08:51 PM

Well, in MY world, if there's glittering to be done it'll be done in an over the top Glam Rock Bowie / Bolan kind of way..

Elwell

July 21st, 2009, 09:03 PM

Oh God, there's more. (http://conquer.livejournal.com/207540.html?thread=4544180)
Anybody speak Russian?

Flake

July 21st, 2009, 09:12 PM

Sergei Lukyanenko, this is probably your fault.

You're the Russian Anne Rice.

chriskot

July 21st, 2009, 11:21 PM

Oh God, there's more. (http://conquer.livejournal.com/207540.html?thread=4544180)
Anybody speak Russian?

Google does, albiet pretty badly: http://translate.google.com/translate?hl=en&sl=ru&tl=en&u=http%3A%2F%2Fconquer.livejournal.com%2F207540.ht ml%3Fthread%3D4544180

The bit about him looking for a second wife is unsettling to me, mostly because it makes me wonder what his first wife must be like.

Hookswords

July 22nd, 2009, 09:02 AM

Oh God, there's more. (http://conquer.livejournal.com/207540.html?thread=4544180)
Anybody speak Russian?

In Russia, sucking vampires you

wiggum

July 28th, 2009, 07:55 AM

I thought this was funny:
What if Twilight was about dragons? (http://www.cracked.com/blog/?p=10662)

ChristianWeeks

July 28th, 2009, 10:00 AM

I thought this was funny:
What if Twilight was about dragons? (http://www.cracked.com/blog/?p=10662)

hahaha thats hilarious.

I haven't read the twilight series because I retain some self-respect, and I know that guys like that Daniel O'Brien exxagerate to make it funny, but do the books really revolve around sex like that (or atleast to a much lesser degree)? That story isnt the first time ive heard the series referred to as vampire porn hhahahaha

Jacob Kobryn

July 28th, 2009, 12:47 PM

Popul Vuh created some of the coolest soundtrack music of all time for the 79 remake of Nosferatu:

oZehtkbXMU8

Errr... that was also sampled in a song called "Jesus Saves!" by Funeral Mist on their new album Maranatha (which is a pretty damn good album) and is used as an opener for a certain band that I am quite fond of... ;)

Jacob Kobryn

July 28th, 2009, 12:50 PM

And that Nosferatu poster is friggin cool... now that's a Vampire!

Kolpar

July 28th, 2009, 07:33 PM

What the hell happened to vampires?
They became awesome http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ICp4g9p_rgo

Qitsune

July 28th, 2009, 08:07 PM

What the hell happened to vampires?
They became awesome http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ICp4g9p_rgo
That's not awesome, THIS is awesome.
Morgan Freeman taking a bath in a casket. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wp0-yDJAtWQ)

Kolpar

July 28th, 2009, 08:18 PM

Morgan Freeman taking a bath in a casket. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wp0-yDJAtWQ)

Tisk, whatever..
(That is too awesome for words)

IKV Nexis

July 28th, 2009, 09:18 PM

Jesus Christ VAMPIRE HUNTER!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=itWoHzL6n-w

And check out some of the other clips for the songs.

wiggum

July 29th, 2009, 11:10 AM

One more, then I'll let this thread die (http://www.cracked.com/video_17567_say-vampire-scene-from-twilight-extended-cut.html)

Peter Coene

July 29th, 2009, 02:37 PM

Oh God, there's more. (http://conquer.livejournal.com/207540.html?thread=4544180)
Anybody speak Russian?

Can we PLEEEEEEASE kill it? I'll only kill it a little bit, I swear!

Samuel Gray

July 30th, 2009, 07:46 PM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGrpoxBlCNo

Aly Fell

July 31st, 2009, 01:45 AM

IGrpoxBlCNo

That looks quite fun actually! It's Australian, and good to see Damien himself, Sam Neill again!

Harkins

July 31st, 2009, 11:59 AM

1) Hangover is amazing

It seemed that the consumption of vaste quantities of cheap vodka served only to blunt the pain caused by revelation that writers, filmakers, and even artists have allowed vampires to go from terrifying creatures of the night to annoying panzy emo gang members.

2) When people think of bears, some think of a fucking roaring grizzly, some think of Balloo. Neither is right. One is gay. lol

-My personal opinion is that nothing will ever come closer to the badassness that is Nosferatu. It all went downhill from there, although I did kinda like Marcus from Underworld 2:

http://moviesmedia.ign.com/movies/image/article/682/682520/underworld-evolution-20060120044556558-000.jpg