2003 has been the worst year of my life

[gasmask]

this is my whole story through the year, i dont expect anyone to read it all, but i felt like making this post anyways.

http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=gasmask

my journal, my life, i hope the new year turns it all around..

[Sammy]

Sorry dude, I know it's been hard .. I'm always a click away for whenever times are keepin' ya down.

But the new year will be yours, fall in love with your art/process, take the energy and focus it... Once you get rolling you won't stop.

[gasmask]

thanks man, yeah i know uve had hard times too, we all do, just seems like an overabundance to me and they keep comin one after another, little and big things, i am greatful for all i have tho. and the art is comin finally out of my slump =) thanks

[bRyaN]

I feel you man...this has not been the best of years...

I got a tattoo of a phoenix, to symbolize that through this hard year, I will push forward, and you will too and the new year will be just that ALL new...

let's keep our chin up....and keep them arts flowing...

[AnarchyAo2]

Doesn't the phoenix represent ignorance?

[AnarchyAo2]

I wasn't going to say anything about your "bad year" but I ithink i have to:

1)You are a whiney ass baby. Plain and simple! From what I read, (Which was more dramatic then daytime tv) I can tell that you've got problems.

2) No wonder your girl friend broke up with you! If I had to sit around and listen to your shit all day, I wouldn't just break up with you, I cut the tongue out of your mouth so that no one else on the face of this earth would have the hear the flying shit otherwise known as "your big problems".

3) If your complaining about living paycheck to paycheck then why the hell are you becoming a artist? You become a artist becuase your so devout that you couldn't stand doing anything else for the rest of your life. And if you've gotten to that point then money isn't an object anymore.

Listen man, for you own good, go see a doctor. Because, life is always flinging buckets of shit at you, you've just got to how to clean yourself off. You don't And if you don't go and get help, I think you'll be 6 feet under by the next new year.

[ClocktowerArtworks]

Anarchy- i rarely say this but...you're 16...what the fuck do you know about anything?

[bRyaN]

Originally posted by AnarchyAo2
Doesn't the phoenix represent ignorance?

I think AnarchyAvo2 stands for ignorance....

Anarchy- i rarely say this but...you're 16...what the fuck do you know about anything?

Dude you are still growing pubic hairs...what makes you the authority on another persons pain..huh?

Gas, don't listen to this child...

me and my girl broke up earlier this year, and i know what you are going through...it's tough losing someone you care about....especially when they don't show the same feelings...

but don't self destruct...believe me, it's terrible....when you lose 20lbs in 4 days, it gives you a new perspective on shit..lol

[ChadTHX1138]

This is only a suggestion...

I had a hard time over a breakup a few years back and a good friend of mine wether i thought it was good for me or not pushed me into buying a gym membership and gaining some confidence back in myself. I hesitated quite a bit at first.

It worked I am not some Jock, but man after a month or two of going with him 3 days a week I found i was looking better feeling better and drawing way more than i was before because of all this energy i had. and to top it off without trying I was dating more women than ever, and that was because of the confidence in myself.

Think about it and find some buddies to go with 3 days a week, it helps you in a lot of ways because you can talk this crap over while you are there and it helps to hold each other up plus there are some pretty cute girls to look at too. There are some good gym's that cost less than $20 a month.

It is just a suggestion but it really helps.

[bRyaN]

Originally posted by ChadTHX1138
This is only a suggestion...

I had a hard time over a breakup a few years back and a good friend of mine wether i thought it was good for me or not pushed me into buying a gym membership and gaining some confidence back in myself. I hesitated quite a bit at first.

It worked I am not some Jock, but man after a month or two of going with him 3 days a week I found i was looking better feeling better and drawing way more than i was before because of all this energy i had. and to top it off without trying I was dating more women than ever, and that was because of the confidence in myself.

Think about it and find some buddies to go with 3 days a week, it helps you in a lot of ways because you can talk this crap over while you are there and it helps to hold each other up plus there are some pretty cute girls to look at too. There are some good gym's that cost less than $20 a month.

It is just a suggestion but it really helps.

I agree...

[AnarchyAo2]

You know whats real ignorant, is judging someone based on their age. I think that my opinions are more valid then yours, atleast I supported mine with actual facts. I don't just attack the person, and make hasty generalizations and say that I'm right and your wrong, I supported my opinion.

It isn't like i don't have sympathy for the guy, but he isn't doing anything good for himself. From reading his journals it seems like he just mopeing around all depressed and thats just a waste of time. People break up all the time, and loose people they love but they don't let it control their life and think that a "new year" will be a miricle and take away all the bad things in their lives. THAT is another example of ignorance (take note of this example bryan).

[otis]

I don't think anarchy is trying to bash you gasmask. He is just trying to give you a kick in the butt. Keep your head up man, your problems are nothing. They seem much bigger in your own head. And if this kid is only 16 then in my opinion he is a few years ahead of himself. Anytime I hear a guy whine or dwell about a girl who dropped him he is just making matters worse!! there is no point in putting soo much energy into some chick. The ones that are the least amount of effort are the ones you want. Just like friends. Do you really want to deal w/ a bunch of B.S.???. You have to stay positive, hang with the peeps that REALLY care about you and don't sweat the others who DON'T! .You deserve it man.

[lavhoes]

Originally posted by AnarchyAo2
From reading his journals it seems like he just mopeing around all depressed and thats just a waste of time.

Key words: From reading his journals...

You go to a hospital and all you see are sick people. Is the whole world in such pain? Of course not, but if you go by what you see in the hospital, of course you're going to draw that conclusion. That's what this guy's journal is for. That's what anybody's journal is for. Putting your thoughts down on paper. Lately, because of all this shit this guy's been going through, he's been ranting in his journal, because that's exactly what he thinks he needs to feel better. A lot of people need to vent to feel better, and that's why we have these journals.

So...

Take what you see with a grain of salt, and realize that likely you're only getting the shitty ranty part of this guy's life because the only thing you've seen is where he puts the shitty ranty part of life. It's like walking into a restaurant and proclaiming, "Geez, you all sure do eat a lot."

Anyway, gasmask, I sympathize. This year's been hell for a lot of people, economically, financially, emotionally, you name it. Not only have a lot of good people lost their jobs because of a fucked up economy and stupid job outsourcing, but this year just seems drenched in death. So many celebrities died. So many soldiers die. Christ, this whole year was just one big calendar of suck.

So yeah, you're not alone. We're all feeling the pinch of it. But next year will be better. Next year's a leap year, man! Those are good luck. And it's an Olympic year, the Olympics are always fun. And hell, if you're American we've got a huge election to look forward too. Plenty of exciting stuff all around.

Things will get better. This isn't the end. Go out, have fun, laugh, live, learn. Enjoy your single days. I know you miss the companionship, but believe me, there will be so many opportunities ahead of you because you're single, you won't know where to begin. Just go out and have fun, meet women, make friends, make girlfriends, draw, live, laugh, learn, all that other shit those hippies always preach.

It's actually some pretty good stuff when you get right down to it.

[gasmask]

thanks guys for the support, its true i come off whiny, but i mean, its a journal, i started it to bitch abotu stuff, im pretty postitive, and no anarchy, i never bitch about my stuff to people like i would in a journal, what you guys all are saying makes alot of sense, its just so much added up, besides the girl thing too that its over bearing, and i know it will take time, but i already am starting to realize there is so much more, and im drawing alot more again, thank God. and chad you hit it on the head, when i used to go to the gym i felt awesome and i need to start doin that again, and ur also right, i just plain havent had confidence this whole year, i put that link up to share so maybe some people could relate, im not in any way a pussy or a bitch nor do i let this effect the way i act in the real world, i never complain about it, i know life could be way worse than what it is, but more than anything im greatful for my life and i do love it, and im excited to live the rest of it, and thanks again, you guys, i will keep all ur guys opinions in my head, and pull myself out of this hole into the confident person i was before. And lavhoes, ur right man, ovcaorse im not the only one, just seems nothing works out for the better anymore but im going to try and make my life work the wya i want it to and be like i used to be, just really happy and full of confidence, it just takes time as u porbably know but everyday i see more and more of what people say like this being true. i update that thing alot but ill try to make it more postitive now, i think the worst is over but who knows, and anarchy, i dont expect the new year to be a miracle, just good changes. peace

[Stonepilot]

You know...........oh F.....k bite the bullet. Quit your bitching. Dude com'n you're a guy what F... man. You forget you wear pants and not a skirt. Laught it off.

[Skank]

ya dude, i can relate.
chicks suck..but ya know what: that which doesnt kill you will only make you stronger.
this shit takes time, you cant just say: "fuck it! im over it!" youre just fooling yourself then.the first time is the worst...after that tho..youre golden (unless youre a complete basket case) you will know whats best for yourself and will be able to deal with this shit alot better.

so, surround yourself with friends (the TRUE ones) have a beer, and draw your ass off my friend!!

best of luck to ya

[Jason Manley]

sometimes ya just gotta let it all go. getting stuck..in your head..its a block...its nothing but you...and ya gotta swallow it and accept situations...

pain and suffering is a part of life...no use being upset about it...it is just how it is. read Herman Hesse's book Siddhartha and then read his book Demian and then read his book Narcissus and Goldmund.

the death of my mother at seventeen and not having met my real father taught me that. I took my little brother in at that age and we did our best to survive...i was horrendously depressed and had nothing going...then i realized that I am the one who controls my outlook on life and my feelings. you can follow any trail of thought to any feeling you seek. why seek the boo hoo hoos when there are so many other things you could seek with your mind and heart. the strength to control your mind is within you. use it.

best of luck. you have your health, and your art. that is more than many people have. do something with it.

j

[gasmask]

skank- thanks man

jason- that means alot, especially from you since i know ur busy but u actually looked things over her, i am greatful for alot and lucky to have my health and art, and definetly right about the block, i know logicially that this is all mental, i just need to move on and make things happen and forget whatever it is bad that happened. ill check those books too, sounds interesting.....its hard sometimes tho, especially with being clinically depressed, but like chad said, excersice helps that and brings lost confidence back, but things are looking up, im drawing alot more and im starting to realize what everyone has been sayin to me.

skank- i do sound like a bitch in that journal dont i? hahaha its funny when i go back and read it.

[AnarchyAo2]

"Key words: From reading his journals...

You go to a hospital and all you see are sick people. Is the whole world in such pain? Of course not, but if you go by what you see in the hospital, of course you're going to draw that conclusion. That's what this guy's journal is for. That's what anybody's journal is for. Putting your thoughts down on paper. Lately, because of all this shit this guy's been going through, he's been ranting in his journal, because that's exactly what he thinks he needs to feel better. A lot of people need to vent to feel better, and that's why we have these journals.

So...

Take what you see with a grain of salt, and realize that likely you're only getting the shitty ranty part of this guy's life because the only thing you've seen is where he puts the shitty ranty part of life. It's like walking into a restaurant and proclaiming, "Geez, you all sure do eat a lot.""
--Lavhoes


Okay Lavhoes, I get your point and all. But it really doesn't make much sense. I'm basing my opinions and feelings on his journals. Its the only thing I can base them on because I don't know anything else about the man.

[mcotie]

Take your problems, put them in a room with everyone elses problems. Enter the room and choose the smallest most insignificant problem. You will end up with the problem you tried to get rid of.

Problems build character. They make you who you are. Make your problems seem smaller by being a person of destiny and not a person of fate.

Mitch

[davi]

i find the maturity and ignorance of this board's torlance to be vile... oh well.

I won't candy coat my msg by saying things always get better... they don't often... it helps if you learn from bad experiences, so you can adapt better to futures events. It's not about 'being a man', women have to be strong with their struggles aswell, so do your best to 'suck it up' and try to move on. There's so much in this world that dwelling on failed attempts is trivial. So much to learn and conquer.

With that being said, best of luck with next year.

[gasmask]

man, you guys really make me feel better about this stuff and i know what u guys are sayin, i really appreciate people actually taking the time, because we all have our own things to deal with so it means alot, next year will be good because i am going to make it that way, i will be a man of destiny, lol. i always move on, and when i look back, im so much more now than i ever was, just when so much keeps adding up u just want to punch someone in the face and lock urself in a padded room for ever, or at least i feel that way but i know im just lettin shit get to me.

[AnarchyAo2]

My legit advice (because my other advice was ignorant bullshit) is that a New Year doesn't provide miricles but it does provide a clean slate.

[davi]

take yoga, learn the art of self fellatio. all problems gone.

[gasmask]

a clean slate is what im lookin for, its weird tho about my ex, we havent seriously dated for a year but i still dont feel their is anyone better for me or someone else, i guess im not over it but there has to be with billions of people, i dont really care though, im just trying to focus on art and other stuff

[AnarchyAo2]

use your emotions and put them into your art. It can only make you a better artist.

[magnut]

davi wrote:

take yoga, learn the art of self fellatio. all problems gone.

... davi, I'd like to see the videos of you doing that. I need to practice how to draw really flexible spinal cords.

gasmask: One of the BIGGEST problems with posting a journal for everyone to read, is that you're going to come across as someone who needs to be institutionalized.

Maybe you need to back off of doing the journals, but once every 3 to 6 months. The reason is, you're never going to do better in life, if all you do is review and regale your life EVERY SINGLE DAY (or every other day). It's like watching a clock, waiting for class to be over. IT TAKES FOREVER TO CHANGE!

Just go live your life, and you'll end up concentrating on your art, on yourself, and you won't be distracting yourself from going out and accomplishing the things you need to. If you feel the need to blog, just don't do it so often (which demonstrates that's all you're really concentrating on in your misery, which I'm sure isn't true).

You're constipating your own progress (in art, in life) by over-focusing on these journals. When you do that, you inadvertantly amp-UP the drama and pain you are feeling. When you do that, you're creating another daily episode of AS THE REPETITIVE BLOG TURNS. It prevents you from going forward in life.

It's like you are creating your own Self Fulfilling Prophecy Of DOOM AND GLOOM. And once you've created it, then you take a month of blogs to bitch about it. Ouch.

You want to post stuff all the time? DO IT WITH YOUR ART! Let THAT be what speaks for you! THEN THE LAXATIVE WILL KICK IN, and you'll be off and 'running' in no time!

(Sometimes, I'm just so proud of my metaphors... :)

Good luck...

[shyst]

davi laff laff ehhaa haa bwaaaa!!!!!

hey just think and after all this you got death to look foward too-


faith keeps me going-

[gasmask]

ur right magnut, good thing i finally got a art table =), im not going to write in it so much tho, maybe not for awhile. thanks for the advice