Comic Page, Cityscape

[Hyptosis]

A page I just finished. Any crits are welcomed.

It will be available to read at http://www.lorestrome.com as I complete it. =]

[Nokill]

it has a cool own little toony style to it, only the last image could use some more speed in it for the character. other then that i don't have a lot of major crit ;)

[Hyptosis]

Thanks man,

I made some changes, nothing major.

http://www.lorestrome.com/oot/issue_one/oot_c01_p01.jpg

[Malaveldt]

Very good color and an appealing style. Again, maybe more speed and urgency to the running figures. One minor quibble- In the second panel, the shadow cast by the wall on the box at the lower right seems incorrect, and the shadow line down the side should be at an angle. Minor, but it does detract from the meticulous color and lighting you've managed.

[vayne108]

Very sweet comic, I see just little minor things. Like the little horse like figure in the bottom left of the first panel, has a big head. and the spider on the middle panel is missing bottom half of the legs that are facing the edge of the wall.

[Icedearth15876]

Looks great, keep it up, looking forward to seeing more as you complete it.

[TheGnoll]

very nice coloring and linework i know this probably comes uncalled for, but i'll give my 2 cents anyway.
The first panel is a very nice establishing shot, and i love the colors on the whole page, but i would have given the stuff in the foreground more contrast to "push it" forward on the viewer, either by making it darker on by giving the drawing a heavier line weight.
THe second panel is cool, and the diagonals and light work really well.Only thing bothering me is that its very similar (composition wise) to the first panel.Maybe its the fact you have again added a foreground wall with spider, that looks like a replica of the wall with horse guy from the first panel.
But the third one is the weakest imho just because you could have given a much stronger sense of ungency and dynamism by placing the camera in a different position or by tilting it.My choice would have been a front view of the tiger dude with chasers behing him.You could have given sense of speed this way even without adding the motion blur (if you take that out, it would look like he's just raising his fist in anger to someone)
Hope you didn't mind the feedback, i think the drawing is really good, but storytelling could be a tad better, imho

looking forward to seeing the next pages!

ciao

[Hyptosis]

Thanks for the feedback and crits guys, gnoll, don't sweat it man, I appreciate it, stay cool guys. ^_^

[Rikkenian]

I can see where all the other comments are coming from, though I had to go back and look to spot some of the things like the spider's legs:) What popped out immediately to me was that, in panel 2, everyone seems to be running except the guy who's being chased. He appears to be power-walking. I think it has that impression because both his feet are on the ground, and his arms have a very rigid posture, similar to the pursuer in the bottom left.

I personally thing the feeling of speed/urgency in the last panel could be helped by redrawing the fist tilted at more of an angle toward the viewer. That way it's not simply raised, but part of a natural motion. Then, I would work on the guy's shoulders. When you run, shoulders rise and fall as you pump your arms, so bring his right shoulder up to show that his other arm is moving too.

Great coloring, great architecture.

[Jason Snair]

Gnoll took the words right out of my mouth. The first two panels have the same diagonal composition and this causes some flow/space issues when reading down the page. Even the buildings themselves line up structurally with each panel.

Other than that. I like the colors and the texture you've established. And the architecture is pretty cool.

keep it up.

[Hyptosis]

You guys are 100% correct, thanks a million for the help guys. I'll work on it! ^_^