A Cry For Help

[Zeanu]

Hello,

My name is Francis, I'm 20 years old and I have hit a rut.

Like so many of you, even the most amazing artists who feel they're underachieved or haven't reached "that" one height yet, I have the urge to create, improve and become something.

But I have been thinking about what I'm doing with my life lately, and the shocking reality is depressing.

I've been having years of problems and right now I'm not sure what I'm doing at all. I live in the Netherlands and am attending a college after two years of random work that has had nothing to do with art at all. This course I am taking is called "game design" but it isn't what I expected it to be at all. Even with the knowledge that you've to do many things on your own, I do not feel it is taking me to the direction that I so desire. I've been slacking around with art a lot, and I have forgotten a lot of things in Photoshop, all I do is make random sketches and it's starting to anger me. I've no one at all who can understand a little bit or at least push me into the right direction a little bit. I'm sitting here wondering just what the heck I'm going to do with my life. I have reached a point in which I no longer know what to do anymore. I know I can draw, I know I have it in me, I've a good grip on basic anatomy and dynamics, I can draw well, but that is not enough, far from it, and at my age I feel I should've done WAY, way more. I don't have anything to proudly show around, I do not even have a little bit of recognition, anywhere. I ram my fist on my desk in anger knowing how much I've been... ah, damn.

I -know- what I -want- to do with my life, I just don't know anymore how to trace the steps. I'm hoping someone out there will be kind enough to tell me what to do... even though that might sound wrong, I'm sure some people will get annoyed by this, most will ignore it. It is my deep passion to draw and to paint but, I just don't know anymore. I just really don't. Please don't see this is as some stupid whining from "just some lazy person". I'm actually worrying. I am not good at anything else.

I just don't know anymore... help me. What do I do?

[Black Spot]

First you need to lighten up.

Second you need to read this http://conceptart.org/forums/showthread.php?t=138102 which is a sticky here (The third one is my favourite)

[SoufMeng]

Black spot is right, why so negative?
There is a fine line not to cross between being demanding with oneself and being self-destructive!
And yes you are whining but tis ok in this section...

Heres my advice, read this (http://www.conceptart.org/forums/showthread.php?t=144069) for some hope/motivation/inspiration and whatnot
or...
start a rock band (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWHRhkUSrbw) to express your frustration.

[rpace]

It's pretty dark and dreary in The Netherlands right now (wife's Dutch), so it's quite possible that you aren't suffering from ennui as much as from seasonal affect disorder (SAD). A path-saving light at the end of the tunnel may be a perscribed light that actually treats this condition. If you find this depression generally kicks in during the winter, you may want to follow this up before thinking about making any changes in your goals.

That being said, there's absolutely nothing wrong in taking the time to reexamine your goals; a path you started on a few years back may not lead you to the destination you want to arrive at today.

It sounds like you chose Game Design as a path to concept art, it can still be just that, but you may require a year or two of dedicated arts study. A quick Google spat this out (http://www.expatica.com/nl/lifestyle_leisure/arts_culture/Open-ateliers-in-the-Netherlands-.html), which tells me that you have avenues to study art seriously either in addition to your current courses or during summer breaks if taking a longer time is unlikely.

What it really comes down to is that you always have choices and using good, healthy judgement when exercising them means you'll keep moving in the direction you want to.

Good luck,

~R

[riceface]

i can relate to this topic, i got a useless ass degree in graphic design and making stupid logos is not what i want to do, i hate it and wasted my time and money. i should have got out early but i thought im in too deep

i dont know what to tell u, just get the degree at least, then work ur ass off drawing. so at least you can say u have a degree in the field. look at me i dont even have a degree in the field.

i frakin hate graphic design and everything about it. with their dumb word designs and photo manips. i got burnt bad and lost alot of money.

sorry i was no help, but i feel ur pain, maybe even worst.

[rapxic]

listen to this artist , that guy is the PATH http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mN3l7OTcEjI

[PuppyKitten]

Aw, I'm sorry to hear this. I'd say to cheer up and things will get better, but they probably wont.

Do whatever you have to do to motivate yourself into art again, because it's obvious that you won't get anywhere by waiting for your college to teach you how to be a game designer.

There are obviously steps that you need to take to achieve your goals, but honestly? You're still a kid. The only one you HAVE to worry about right now is to get as good as you can at art. If you're awesome, you'll get jobs.

So stop panicking about how to get there, and just focus on how to impress the pants off people once you finally DO get there.

[ShroudStar]

i can relate to this topic, i got a useless ass degree in graphic design and making stupid logos is not what i want to do, i hate it and wasted my time and money. i should have got out early but i thought im in too deep

i dont know what to tell u, just get the degree at least, then work ur ass off drawing. so at least you can say u have a degree in the field. look at me i dont even have a degree in the field.

i frakin hate graphic design and everything about it. with their dumb word designs and photo manips. i got burnt bad and lost alot of money.

sorry i was no help, but i feel ur pain, maybe even worst.

You just need to learn to apply that set of skills to your current goal. Hey, look at it this way: At least you're capable of doing layouts of your own work and you don't need to hire a graphic designer for that. I create my own handwritten typefaces for my projects and since I know InDesign, I can also create my own books in the future.

No skill is useless. It only is if you let it sit there without figuring out what to do with it.

[Zeanu]

Thanks guys, I feel a bit better. But there's another thing I think about... what if I am to -fail- college already? I got drafted into second year's through a sloppy process after showing some work, it felt so... strange.

Had a hard time getting used to it. Only now I'm getting motivated but what if it's too late? 'Cause it might well be.

I'm inspired to just try and try and learn and not rush things again, this is a good thing... I'm 20, not 30. I shouldn't whine.

But still. What do I do if I get kicked out? Hm, I gotta pay it all back, which is gonna be a lot.

[Max Challie]

Don't worry about getting kicked out. Just do your work.

[flashrabbit]

Make small goals, take small steps. I've also gone through something similar.
Where you want to paint/draw and love it, but dont. It can be frustrating.
Motivation can't be forced, don't think too much about it.
And try to lighten up :) It could be worse.
I have some physical problem with my hand at the moment, so it's pretty damn hard for me to paint now.

[J Wilson]

http://www.conceptart.org/forums/showthread.php?t=144069

Stop over thinking it and allowing depression to take hold. Just DO it. If you aren't where you need to be in your life then make a change.

Please don't see this is as some stupid whining from "just some lazy person"
But that is exactly how it's coming off. You haven't listed a single actual obstacle. All you've done is cry about not being where you want to be and being frustrated. It's up to you. Change it. If your school isn't teaching you what you want, then leave and find a better school (or at least stop spending money on the wrong thing). If you aren't drawing enough, then cut out the stuff you need to to make time and DRAW. These things won't fix themselves.

[B u r l]

http://img229.imageshack.us/img229/8439/imagemnikejustdoitpeoplea7.jpg

[•Lindsay•]

Zeanu I don't even know what your goals are. Your desire to find a random person on the internet to tell you what to do with your life is silly. People have to start making their own decisions at some point. Maybe one of those decisions should be to avoid classes that cause you to punch furniture.

[arttorney]

When you are looking at that Jason Manley thread that was linked above, the proper focus should not be on the tribulations he went through (which were bad, but were not the real point of his post). The focus is on his method.

I went through very similar stuff, except with me it was the L.A. garment industry in place of the Alaska salmon fishery and stock clerk at Sears Automotive instead of a telephone firm). The method of prioritizing, or setting goals (followed by new goals after the old ones are achieved) is how I have gone from a periodically homeless college dropout to a United States Patent Attorney with four degrees and three law licenses.

I would make two lists based on my perceived goals: 1) my strengths (or the resources available to me); and 2) my weaknesses. Of course these strengths and weaknesses are decided with an eye toward the person I want to become. The process then becomes a simple matter of eliminating the weaknesses one by one while reinforcing the strengths. In a linear sense your strengths are going to be the steps you have already achieved on your journey while your weaknesses amount to the steps you haven't yet taken (or the obstacles in your way).

Figuring out how to overcome those obstacles with the resources available to you becomes almost like a role playing game, except the role you are playing is that of yourself. You are gradually gaining experience becoming yourself as you dream yourself to be.

Complaining without acting only gains you experience at being yourself as you wish you were not. Don't waste your time on that. Take steps.

[Black Spot]

Basically, you don’t want to be like me who wasted 20 twenty years doing sod all.

[jhgoforth]

It's easy to be unsure of what you want in life and I'm, in fact, jealous of those who have always had a 'passion' and drive for what they wanted to do in life. Some of us have such wide interests in things that it's very difficult to just pick one thing to do in life. Specialization is the unfortunate reality of the world we live in, in this day and age. Da Vinci would have been forced to pick Painting or Engineering, sorry leo, gotta do one and excel! (well then again he might've been genius enough to still pull it off but who knows, it's a 'what if'). Best thing to do is just follow the paths before you and not think twice about whether it's the 'best or right' path. that little voice of doubt is usually what f's things up most times. I really need a bigger fly swatter to smack that little voice out more.......