Yonder - graphic novel *feedback for client needed!*

[ahbeejieh]

Hi guys. The client wants to get some feedback on the graphic novel we're finishing up on. We're basically an independent team working on our first graphic novel. It's up to you if you wanna go easy or rough on the crits.

I've posted a couple of the pages we worked on as well as a character concept art, the logo and the poster that the client edited themselves.

I'm gonna be giving the client a link to this page so please try to be as constructive as possible if you are going to be giving out crits.

Thank you.

Yonder graphic novel is created by Amir Barda and Rob Walcott. All art direction is handled by Amir too.

[Frogisis]

This is good stuff! Drawing the same damn thing over and over again to make a comic is no picnic, but you seem to be keeping it together.

I'll get this out of the way, though: That text for the title of the story looks kinda tacky and cheap. Do you remember those old Xena ripoffs they used to have late at night on FOX in the late 90s? It's definitely that same vibe, and I think it keeps the rest of it from being taken as seriously as it deserves. Maybe if you did it in the same lettering, but incorporated it into that map in the background, either as thick brush ink lines or something collaged onto the paper...

You're definitely showing what you can do with light, though, and I really like that creepy priest or chamberlain or whatever he is. Some might complain that his clothing is a little too pressed and neat, but A) it adds to the focus he's putting on the viewer, and B) I don't think this guy really gets up to anything to put even a wrinkle in that robe, or ruffles his immaculate goatee. Adding a little more room and folds around his arms, though, so it looks like he has enough space in his robe to have them tucked in there would be the only concession I'd make to fabric physics.

[Matt_Stevens]

Do you have a publisher yet?

[NathanLong]

I agree with Frogisis about the type. Nothing wrong with the font itself, but the textures and 3D effects make it both a bit tacky and hard to read.

[SEVANS]

ahbeejieh - Get your client to read this thread, because that Title is F**KIN HORRIBLE! It's beyond cheesy and is just plain bad. To much happening, too many textures and doesn't create an 'historical' feel at all. Plus, it's actually very hard to read.

The main job of a LOGO/ TITLE is to easily be identifible and readable.
Something that looked like an Old Manuscript or Calligraphy etc probably would have been much more suitable.

[SMVidaurri]

it's a sad day when a drawing of a map isn't cool. I would have definitely stuck with your initial design. I'd follow through with it anyway on your own time, and then show them when your done. Maybe they'll like it when it's finished. Because, honestly, type like that makes me put a book back on the shelf. It looks like type that would go on an SNES game menu screen.

[Frogisis]

SEVANS is completely right. The very fact that your clients hired you to be their artist means they respect your skill and visual sense, and you're well within your rights to tell them they can do better. After all, if you hired someone to build a wall for you, you'd trust their judgment when they said they should use bricks, no matter how much you wanted that wall made of popsicle sticks glued together.

Edit: Of course, probably none of us is without sin in this respect. I've given into a client's ridiculous, "Nooooooooo make it look more like a coloring book!" requests, since that was all their old illustrator could do and all they wanted was consistency.

[ahbeejieh]

Hi guys. I've added more pages on the first post.

The client wants to get some feedback on the graphic novel we're finishing up on. We're basically an independent team working on our first graphic novel. It's up to you if you wanna go easy or rough on the crits. We don't have a publisher yet.

I'm gonna be giving the client a link to this page so please try to be as constructive as possible if you are going to be giving out crits.

Yonder graphic novel is created by Amir Barda and Rob Walcott.

[RyerOrdStar]

The drawing is pretty good but the Logo is um..kind of cheesy, well at least for me. It has a very plasticky, digital Photoshop look. If the texture on it was more realistic, and it had some definite planes and more than that bright blur of light behind it it'd be better. Maybe something made out of blocks of stone spelling out the name or somesuch. Otherwise the atmosphere and mood is pretty good for the whole thing. Maybe work a little on melding the painterly style of painting with that more photomanipulated Photoshop look you have going with the map? It would help the piece flow more.

[ahbeejieh]

tnx guys. all your crits and comments will be taken into consideration by the client himself. keep em coming! tnx.

[TheGnoll]

first off, you might have some more look with constructive criticism in the appropriate section, wich is the critique center (http://www.conceptart.org/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=59).

Anyway i agree with all the others about the logo, way too busy and cheesy (and not easy to read and recognize, wich is what a logo should be).About the actual comic, some photoshop effects and textures imho clash with the brushwork, making the "photoshop filter effect" very explicit.Actually i think that sign saying "the lighthouse" is pretty tacky but maybe its just me.

[waranghira]

The quality of rendering is not really consistent.
A few good, some passable for me, and some not so.

How you establish forms through rendering is not so convincing,
Many look like they came out of a 3d video game that's not so heavy with the graphics--- like blocks with rendered texture that tries to give an illusion of form.

But here's a critique of mine that's clear and particular:
On the panel where its sunny and our Zorro hero is in front close up:
They say shadows don't add (which is kind of a semi-truth depending on the context), but what you did is added them.
The highlights still continue only to be a bit grayish and the shadows is till that saturated orange. They should be closer together both in saturation and value as opposed to the parts that isn't shaded by the hat.

[ahbeejieh]

TheGnoll:, RyerOrdStar, waranghira

Seem to be getting good enough crits and comments here. These are finished works and I don't think we have enough time to change them s'why I posted em here in the finished section. The client's pretty much rushing the book.

And yeah, everyone seems to hate the logo but that's exactly the look that the client's going for. It's good that we're getting the artist's opinions though. I don't know what he'll want to do about the logo when he reads this, but everything is basically ready to be shipped out and printed at this point. The client just wants some comments and stuff.

As for the rendering of things, I agree with it being not consistent in some of them. I've been in the process of looking for a style that suit me as we went along this book. Using photo textures vs. creating own custom brushes; blocking shapes in as opposed to creating line art... The whole thing was a trial and error run for me which came from trying to get the look that the client wanted and trying to settle with a style that I was comfortable and happy with.

Tnx guys.

[Matt_Stevens]

It would be better if the pages were lettered. Who is publishing this?

[ahbeejieh]

It would be better if the pages were lettered. Who is publishing this?

It will be lettered. With all the bubbles and text and stuff. I've just been told that the clients will be publishing it. They're looking for a distributor as of now.