Thoughts, The Future, My Journey, and etc.

[HunterKiller_]

Hey guys.
I've got a lot on my mind right now that I want to just spill out. Thanks for reading.

I'm really lost right now. I thought I knew where I was going all the time, but it seems I've lost my map for good this time.
Looking back at the last few years, it's even more apparent that I never did know where I wanted to go.

It wasn't until the very end of high school that I decided I wanted to seriously pursue art as a career, then I went to animation school.
My choices were not over, more paths were revealed to me, and once again, it wasn't until the very end of the first at animation school that I decided I wanted to further my education in drawing instead of CGI/3D, on which I had planned (however, I couldn't be more glad I had made this choice).

Come the last year of my schooling, and I'm thrown out into the deep yet again.
I feel as if I've wasted the last 2 years of my life at this school - the curriculum is hardly sufficient. That's not to say I haven't learned a thing, I have, but it was hardly worth the money and time.

I've had a taste now of what it's like to work at the bottom of an animation studio, it's not glamorous, but more importantly, I really don't think it's place for a beginner and somebody just out of school.
Clean-up, inbetweens, they maybe grunt jobs, but it's not for the unskilled - especially if one wants to earn at least enough to feed themselves.

No, I'm not in art for the money (or am I?) but as I said, I wouldn't be able to make even bread money doing an animation job.
Opportunities for other art jobs are pretty bleak here in NZ.

It doesn't help much that I've always been the most indecisive person I know, and at the back of my mind there are those haunting questions, "Did I make the right choice?", "Am I good enough?", "Will I be the one the class that succeeds or fall into the gaps with the rest?"

If you're still here, thanks for your time.
I don't know what kind of response I'm expecting, maybe you can share your own experience.

[Blue]

I spent 2 years in a fine arts college with a 3.6 GPA, switched to a state school to try business, then basically flunked out after 3 semesters, took a year off and now I'm back pursuing the exact same degree I did from the start (Illustration).

So i can empathize and say changing your mind is normal. I have quite a few friends who have done the same as myself, and some who have done more of what you have said.


As long as you have your University requirements complete, and are able to grab a degree, just get it. At my school 90 credits from a pervious BA can be used towards a second one. Which leaves only 30 credits, or 10 classes, or 1 year to get a second BA. And you can do it a few times if you want.

If animation isn't what you want, try something else. if you're about to graduate, just graduate then come back for another degree. Having multiple bachelors will pretty much guarantee you work, even if the job isn't terribly related to them.

[dose]

I hear you man. There's no road map or rule book, so you're never sure if you're making the right decision. Sometimes that's refreshing to hear since it means you can't really make a bad decision, but most of the time knowing that doesn't make any difference and it all still feels confusing and overwhelming.

I've been doubting my choice to pursue art every step of the way. It's only now- 8 years out of art school- that I feel like I'm *really* committed to pursuing art. I came out of art school with a similar feeling to you- like I'd learned a bit of good stuff, but nothing really substantial. I could hammer some nice shutters to a couple 2x4s and impress some people, but I couldn't really make a whole house on a solid foundation from start to finish. I ended up stumbling on some great teachers and really learning the basics. But I also stayed in a weird learning mode for a long time and lost touch with what I loved about art in the first place. Then I stumbled into a job doing art for a games company where I get to use my art skills somewhat, but so much of the art is mired in technical stuff that I'm learning more about Maya and MEL than I am about drawing and painting. I finally realized that there's a lot that can only be learned by experience, and that you have a limited amount of time to gain experience on different things. And it dawned on me that at the end of my life, I don't want to look back and realize that I spent my time gaining experience on things like the best place to place a vertex in some model so it deforms correctly. I want to be able to see the accumulation of experience in the tangible form of years of paintings and drawings.

But now there's a new dilemma- what exactly do I want to pursue- gallery work? illustration? comics? teaching? all of the above? How do I go about pursuing those when I have other responsibilities that eat up my time? All I know is that I want to be drawing and painting full time- but in what context I don't know. And it's taken a long time to make that simple decision- and it's not a decision I could possibly have made before now.

I look at a lot of people less talented than me doing very well, and it's clear it's just because I'm hesitant. But they're not always happy for plunging in, so should I necessarily follow their lead?

And every now and then I apologize to my wife that I'm into art- it requires lots of time alone, and most likely I will never be as financially successful as if I was satisfied working with computers (the "other" career of mine that won't seem to die).

I don't know what I'm trying to say to you, if anything. But it's definitely a hard road choosing art, and one that you need to choose to stay on many times over the course of your life. I can't really give you any advice, except to just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Hope this helps...

Tim

[aussiedeza]

My advice is just chill out mate, I try too live by a simply method of first making sure i can get what i need then trying to chase what i want, and whenever possible enjoying myself. No point of wasting your life being pissed off and confused chasing after something that may not be achievable in the very near future.

[Cthogua]

Yeah man, I feel you on the indecisivness issue. However regret is a useless waste of energy, especially in terms of your educational choises. Even if you didn't get everything you think needed or wanted out of it you gained SOMETHING from the experience. I sometimes wish I had gone to a dedicated art school, rather than go to a 4 year university with an art program. However I gained so much in life experiences, meeting a hugely diverse group of people, getting exposed to so much non-art stuff. It all comes back though, your art is an expression of all the stuff you know and all your experiences, so nothing is wasted.

Also I think people are in too much of a rush nowadays...kids wanting to go straight out of highschool into a career. Schools offering "fast track" degrees...I always groan when I see one of those commercials where a guy is like "I'm really glad I didn't have to wait 4 years to join the workforce." Its like highschoolers that can't wait to get out of their parents house, but have no real concept what awaits them on the other side. Why would you be in such a rush to start selling most of your life to someone? That's what working is. Welcome to the world...we're all prostitutes. I'm not criticising kids that are that prepared at 18, but in my humble experience you still have alot of growing up to do between 18 and 25. Just because you think you know what you want to do, and have trained yourself up to a competant level doesn't mean you're priorities arn't gonna shift around as you get older. It seems especially pronounced in the entertainment art arena, which makes sense, as it seems like a glamorous job. Not alot of kids chomping at the bit to be come CPAs :p I think your twenties are there to be enjoyed...don't be as reckless as a teenager, but have a good time, meet crazy people, move different places, stop worrying so goddamn much. You and your future will meet eventually.

I don't believe in fate, but I do believe in "becoming" in that all your interests, experiences, desires, follys, fuckups, and triumphs, as long as you stay positive, will lead you to where you need to be.

[HunterKiller_]

Thanks a lot you guys, and to Justin Oaksford who PM'ed me.

Blue: Funny you mentioned getting more education. If I could, I would.
The fact is, here in NZ, serious art education is non-existent.
My only choice would be to move overseas, which is something I need to prepare myself mentally to do, because there's always that possibility.

I guess I do need to just chill out. No amount of worrying is going to get me anywhere.
All I can do is try my hardest to do better art, and if it means I have to work a crappy day job during that time, then so be it.

[fionkell]

Heh, well you already know my whinings of similar calibre on the matter, Kiwi :) Perhaps we can air our grievances over a few pints in Wellington heh heh heh.

Seriously, though. Pick something and stick with it, usually your first choice (even from years ago) will keep on circling around no matter how you try and head towards in another direction. It will keep coming back to that and eventually you'll realise that it's the path for you. I know what you mean about NZ having not a big scope in the art education area, it's a lot like that here in Oz, you've got to find other people with similar interests and stick together to learn more off each other as well, network, and so on. You obviously have skill so don't shunt that off yet. It's hard when you don't have a lot of physical support from people who understand your goals, ambition, and dilemmas when trying to progress in your art so you can prove that you're not wasting your time and life. Or am I paralleling my own experience, heh. Good thing crappy day jobs pay the bills eh.


...now if only I could follow my own advice. :)

[HunterKiller_]

Perhaps we can air our grievances over a few pints in Wellington heh heh heh.

Depressed bar talk. Awesome times.

Thanks for the support.

Everybody else feel free to vent about your art life. :)

[Nam]

It's hard when you don't have a lot of physical support from people who understand your goals, ambition, and dilemmas when trying to progress in your art so you can prove that you're not wasting your time and life.

amen.

[applecheeks]

I kind of recognize myself in what you wrote, although I've been even more indecisive than you. I didn't realise art is something I'd like to pursue until halfway through my Engineering degree (which I'm having my final exams for starting tomorrow O_O, what am I doing on CA?). It's been a huge change of frame of mind for me, very difficult since I hadn't even considered art as a viable career when I started my degree. I'm a bit scared of what the future holds but other than that I feel really good about knowing what I want for once.

I guess what they say is true, believe in yourself but be realistic at the same time. Is your art good enough compared to pros out there? If not, can you become as good as them? If your answer is yes to the latter then go for it, or at least that's what I'd like to do. :)

[Xeom]

I know what your feeling like HK,I'm sorta in the same boat. Figure drawing classes are almost impossible to find around south Florida. And every institute around here is overly expensive. And my Community college wont even let me retake figure drawing for some silly reason(Thankfully my teacher is working on that). And then of course is my progression, sure I've improved some what in the last 3-4 months sense i started on this journey but sometimes i feel like its not enough.Every time I improve my drawing skills I feel like its 1 step forward and 2 back.Sure I improve,but then I notice even more things i need to improve in.

My goal is to be accepted into a good art program(think laafa or CA) for next year. So i have 6-7 months to improve and get a decent portfolio out.Every night i goto sleep i wonder if I'll make it to my goal. If I can't make it by the end of this year I may have to give it up. I just cant continue to be a leech on my parents, Ill have to go for another career.

.end rant.

[Boolean]

A friend of mine is a teacher at a highschool, and one of the classes she does is a career planning type class, getting ready for exams, getting ready for uni etc. One day they were in class and naturally many of them were getting quite anxios over what uni course they wanted to do. One kid asked

"How did you know you wanted to be a teacher?"
"Here's the thing...I'm 35 years old and I still don't know what I want to do!".

The kids were blown away. It was so drilled into them that you finish school, you choose a course then do that for the rest of your life. When she explained to them that very very few people will be doing the same work at 50 that they went to uni for, it was like a 10 ton weight was taken of all their shoulders.

So I can see the OPs point. We look at everyone around us with great stable jobs, then go "What’s wrong with me? I cant decide!", not realizing that hardly anyone else knows what they are doing either! Talk to 20 people in an art department and some will probably want to get into doing art for movies, some will be fed up with the industry, some will want to start their own business, some will want to be a chef, and maybe a few will be perfectly happy where they are now.

People are always changing jobs, changing careers, changing their goals, so you should not feel pressured into making a choice of what you want to do with your life right now, life simply doesn’t work that way.

[blackrobin]

My goal is to be accepted into a good art program(think laafa or CA) for next year. So i have 6-7 months to improve and get a decent portfolio out.Every night i goto sleep i wonder if I'll make it to my goal. If I can't make it by the end of this year I may have to give it up. I just cant continue to be a leech on my parents, Ill have to go for another career.

yes you can :)
if your family is economically strong, i see no problem staying with your parents for a year or two or three, as long as you make the progress and you are really doing what you have to do
its another story if you have to help support the family
why give up something you wanted just because of narrow thoughts or how other people think about you
remember its your dream, or its not?