How many of you knew someone close who had cancer?

[Costau D]

And, how did you cope with it?

My dad at this moment is getting ready to go to the doctor to find out for sure if the cancer he has leaked outside the prostate into surrounding areas. He had surgery a couple months ago to remove his prostate, and that surgery went very well for what it could've done to him.

But, sense my dad was so young for having this type of cancer it was very aggressive and seemed to have "burst".
Once he got tests back from after the surgery they showed that there was still a high count. Anyway, we had to wait until now for everything to heal and settle before we could truly find out where he is at. Prostate cancer is known for having a high cure rate, but the way things are going we may not be so fortunate. After finding out, my dad seems to have been handling it very well, but he has changed a bit over time.

Edit: The thing I HATE the most, is the damn WAITING AND WAITING.

One thing it made me realise is I need to take better care of myself, although in my dads case he was a health nut and look what happened. But, sense he was so healthy it helped a lot with recovery from the surgery. I also need to stop farting around, and take what I want to do for a living more seriously. And, I feel guilty as well, because I feel like I owe him a lot. He instilled many philosophies in me, and taught me a lot. Wherever I'd go, he would follow, and vice versa. He is smart as hell, and I feel stubborn for not listening to him enough. He was always open minded to what I had to say, and he is probably the only person I could talk to about politics, philosophy, and health without it turning into a pissing contest. I really hope he stays around, so I can pay him back because I owe him a lot. The main problem i have is finding what to say to others when they are having problems.

I'm not new to all this. My mom died from lung cancer when I was 15, and during that time it was very surreal for me. A lot of shit happened after her death with some family members that i dont want to get into, but I can say that it had to do with money.

Anyway, if you guys want to add in your stories I would really appreciate it.

[smugbug]

I'm very sorry about your father. During this time of waiting (and I know how frustrating it is), spend time with him. Go out and do stuff. You say that it's made you realize to take better care of yourself, but the biggest thing is this:

Don't sweat the small stuff.

Watch the stress. That's the most important thing, really.

My SO lost his mother in 04 to lung cancer. And she'd never picked up a cigarette in her life and followed a mostly Asian (Japaense) diet as well. An extraordinary woman; a teacher of both the language and cooking of Japanese in the town (specifically, for Hewlett Packard). She was a true renaissance woman - art, cooking, reading, writing - always learning something new. She was diagnosed in 2001 and we all (my SO, his siblings and myself) thought she would come out okay. Until early in 2004 the bad news came from his brother (an ER doctor). The cancer had reamerged and was filling her lungs with fluid.

So, we moved from Portland to Corvallis to live in the house and provide her care. That was June 2004. Our situation was unusual as I was in the middle of preparing for a national bodybuilding comp at the time and both my SO and his mom didn't want me to quit. And my SO's father (who had passed away in 1994), had designed this home (their family home) and she loved it and there was no way we wanted her displaced during this time. So both my SO and I relocated (and quit our jobs in Portland), and with the help of family, friends and the hospice, we took care of her.

She passed on in July. In her own bed and while we were all here. She was a person of incredible strength and grace and I can only hope that I was able to give her some comfort during those last few weeks.

Anyways, for you - just be there for your dad. I'm sure you will - but depending on what happens, it can either be very tough or not. Stay in touch with your friends and be open about what's going on. And DON'T feel guilty. Whatever you do. Keep your chin up and just be there for your dad.

Sorry for the rambling and hope it's helped you.

[arttorney]

I am sorry, too, for the situation. I hope good news will issue from further tests. Patricia is right. Spend time together. Talk about the things you want to talk about. My father and a brother both died suddenly, so I know feelings of anger can result in the survivor if there is a sense of unfinished business in these situations.

I was selected by one of my law school friends to make his estate plan when he knew he had terminal melanoma. He continually revised the plan up until the end. From that experience, I can say to take care of the important stuff relatively early. During the last two weeks or so, they are on a really steep gravelly slope and continually fighting just to avoid falling off the edge. My last surviving grandmother was that way too (leukemia). In those weeks there will be no time (or energy) for cruises or Disneyland. If there is other family, they might be hanging around in that time competing for your father's attention. If you have already said all the things you need to say and did all the things you need to do, you can just be there for him during the times he needs to conserve his strength.

[S.C. Watson]

Let's see...

My mom had thyroid cancer (operated on, survived and is doing very well many, many years later).
My grandmother died of cancer.
My grandfather died of cancer.
My dad died of lung cancer in 2001. We found out in Feb that he had a spot on his lung after he suffered a stroke, and by April 5th it had spread throughout his body cavity, killing him.
And have lost several friends, and a few pets to cancer.

I fucking hate cancer.


The main problem i have is finding what to say to others when they are having problems.
I never know what to say, other than "yeah, been there, done that, have the emotional scars :[ " I do try to let people know that they've got my support, and my thoughts. The main thing, though, right now, is to make sure you're there for your dad.

My thoughts are with you guys.
~Oreg.

[arttorney]

Good point. Even if it is difficult to start topics of conversation, by your being there you have given him the opportunity to say and do the things he wants to say and do.

[Serra]

I am so sorry to hear about your father, and also about your mother. :(
My grandfather died of skin cancer (he didn't do anything about a mole that just got worse and worse and it eventually spread). My grandmother (on the same side) has bone cancer but luckily it's gone into remission---not sure for how long though.

I know it may feel awkward or strange but take advantage of the situation to tell your father how much you love him. I'm sure HE doesn't feel that you owe him anything, he is your father and everything he has done for you has been out of love. But it is important to tell someone how you feel about them, especially given the situation. I feel lucky that even though I didn't have much contact with my grandfather, right before he died he sent me a watercolor painting he had done of me. I sent him something back telling him how much I loved it and that I was glad he was my grandpa. Thus when he died I didn't feel any sense of void of what I should have done or said.

I very truly hope that your father pulls through and that everything turns out okay. A lot of people who are diagnosed with cancer DO live a very long time afterwards. And the scare can be something that shows how much they (and their families) appreciate and love life. I just think it's a great time to get everything out in the open. Give your father a hug. Tell him you love him and what he means to you.
The worst feeling is the feeling of things left unsaid, especially if there is no way to remedy that.

Best of luck to your father and to you. I hope everything turns out well.

--Serra

[Sepulverture]

Hey Cole. Don't feel alone, you've got support. My little brother was diagnosed with leukemia when he was 2, and 8 years later still deals with the effects of it.

As usual, we can talk about it in private.

Good luck chum.

[Costau D]

Thanks so much guys for the support. I have every day tried to do something with him, and at the least I would give him a hug every day.

Now, though. It seems like I can do that for a much longer TIME:rocker:

HE'S CURED



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I love modern medicine. And, also I think this is a good example that keeping yourself healthy, within reason, really does help you in the long run.


And, to all those please dont let this stop thread so soon. I know how hard it is to lose someone, and I hope, and am also glad to see many of you are doing alright. Everyone live long and prosper, and alwys try to be aware of any situation and learn as much as you can from it. Hard Lessons in life are the hardest to forget so try to make it a goal not to waste to much of what life you have left.

[Digital_Blacksmith]

Kickass man! This is awesome news! Go out and celebrate. He has new life now. Dont let him waste it. Go enjoy it. If I was there, I would offer a drink.

[Earendil]

Hope your father's test come back ok. :/

My Grandmother died of cancer several years ago, and arttorney is right, there's a steep slope near the end, so if things do turn out terminal, be sure to get the big trips out of the way. We took a trip to a beautiful lake resort called Destiny Bay up in Lake Kootenai in BC, and it was just right for the situation.

EDIT: JESUS those were fast results! LOL Great news! Guess I took too long to reply!

[smugbug]

Tears of joy for your father! Great, great news!

The two of you go out and celebrate! :hugsmile:

[wassermelone]

Fantastic!

My brother is just now getting his hair back. He had a cancer in the bone of his leg (I fucking cried my eyes out when I found out), but treatment worked really well, and is (hopefully) fine. His leg is still too 'hot' from radiation treatments to check, but he seems much much much healthier.

He better get the same bill of health your father did, or Ill kick his ass :D

[Serra]

CONGRATS Space Chimp! I am so very very glad to hear that :)

[Steph Laberis]

That's FANTASTIC to hear Space Chimp!! I'm so thrilled to hear that he's beaten the odds. It sounds like the ordeal has already changed you and I hope your relationship with him gets closer.

As for experiences with my loved ones, I've lost my Grandfather to lung cancer (was very hard to see him suffer in the latter stages though he went very quickly and suddenly), but I have far more success stories to share. My cousin was diagnosed with an advanced stage of Leukemia when he was 16 and wasn't expected to make it more than a few years - he is now in his mid 20's and a successful chef, in full remission. My mother had an encounter with basal cell carcinoma (wear your damn sun screen people) and lost some tissue on her face but is cured and the mother of my sister in-law had a malignant lump in her breast the size of a walnut (get your effin' mammograms ladies) which she managed to recover from completely in the last couple of years. Hell, my dog who is going on 15 has had an inoperable lung tumor the size of a golf ball for the last year and a half and wasn't expected to last more than a couple months. Her tail's still wagging and she's always looking forward to her next meal - my parents have spoiled her rotten since learning of her condition ;)

Cancer is fucking terrifying but the odds get better and better. Cheers to your good news again and best of luck :)

[arttorney]

Happy for SpaceChimp and his dad.

Happy for Oregano's Mom.

Pullin' for Serra's grandma and Wassermelone's brother. (What on Earth could we do without our bones?) (Steph's people too).

(In general: Life seems hard enough as it is, without having to fight for every single day. Pullin' for everybody I know or care about, I guess.):cheerleader:

[alesoun]

First I was going to reply to this, then, when I heard your dad got the all-clear, I thought not; but then you asked to keep the thread going in case it would help somebody, I changed my mind again.

I was in a car crash at the end of 2003, and when I went to the doc for a check-up I mentioned the fact that I had had a niggling pain in my side and seemed to have put a lot of weight on. Next thing I know I was sent for a scan. Half an hour after the scan I was seeing a consultant. Three weeks after that I had an operation.. My head was still spinning when they told me that I'd had borderline ovarian cancer, and that if I hadn't seen the doc when I did I would've been in big trouble.

As it was, it had been caught in time and I didn't need chemo or radiotherapy.
Two years ago, one of my six-monthly blood tests had a blip, and I was sent for a CAT scan and an MRI scan. Thankfully, the results were clear; but that kind of news is scarey stuff, and no mistake.

At the end of this year, I should be down to annual check-ups. I'm told that the cancer is unlikely to return, and the only permanent drawback is that I can never, ever donate blood or give an organ after I'm dead. That pisses me off, but I can understand the reasons.

The first few months after the diagnosis were the scariest, and the friends whose company I appreciated most were the ones who didn't try to mollycoddle me or act like cancer is contagious; the ones who offered practical help when I needed it, and took the mickey out of me as I got stronger. Also, the friend who took me out and got me monumentally drunk when I learned I had to go for the unexpected extra scans. (Bless you, my Danish friend, if you're reading this)

I guess the reason I'm adding to this thread is to say that cancer isn't always a death sentence, and that if anyone reading this suspects they may have the symptoms, get to the doctor and get checked out asap, and if you're offered regular tests, take them. If I had kept ignoring my symptoms, I just might not be here right now.

Other lasting effects? I don't put myself second as much as I used to, and I'm not as meek as I used to be; but people who love me just have to put up with that!

[JL.Alfaro]

Great news Chimp! go knock a few back with the ol man!


PS: i lost my grandfather to prostate cancer. :(

[Stoat]

Lot of cancer in my family. Ugly bastard of a disease.

But hooray for your dad! They get better at treatment all the time...

[Toxdel]

hmm

(breast cancer)
-my mom
-my aunt
-my grandma
-my other grandma

(testicular)
-my grandpa

(some form of brain cancer)
-my dog

Luckily they all lived threw it (except for my dog), Oh, but my aunt has a completely new form of cancer (skin cancer) its in the early stages though so she has a good chance to beat it (sigh) I've realized that with cancer the only thing you can do is be optimistic.

congrats for you and your dad, not just for him living, but for learning the ultimate lesson that cancer teaches, to hold your family close and be thankful for everyday you spend with them. Some people sadly never learn this lesson.

[roidvoid]

my dad called me two days ago and told me he has two lumps in his lungs

now we wait to find out if its cancer
he is 48
non smoker

[timpaatkins]

Im glad for you space chimp, and for your dad, i found out i had non hodgkins lymphoma a few years back and went through surgery and radiation treatment, so now i m probably sterile. But I have some bad boys in cryo at the lab so hopefully I can have little Tims someday. I went three years without checking a lump that was 2 1/2 inches wide and now check myself once a year.
CHECK THOSE LUMPS PEOPLE!

[Green-fire]

My Best Friend Got hit by a Car in January 06 and Live but Shattered Both of His Legs, THe Only thing That Saved him from Being Paralyzed were his RollerBlades. which Kept the car from Hitting his Waist. Now IN December 07 We found out he has Osceochroma in His Knee with A tumor, It is Presumably the Doctor who had operated on him 2 years ago Fault.

All of His Hair is Gone, and He Hates it.
But I visit him at least once a week.

[lalovergel]

my grandpa died from stomach cancer

[stoph]

yeh, have a friend with bone cancer in her cheekbone. lost her right eye and the right side of her teeth, both upper and lower jaws. shes probably the most courageous and inspiring person i know.

that being said, there is someone very close to me who had lymphoma, had a few growths removed and everything was going fine, but now she's going into hospital tomorrow to have a whole kidney removed because it is basically one big tumor now. she has a family history of it, so its been really tough on everyone, though she has handled it well. the thing is you need to be strong, because they will have moments where their strength fails them, and they need someone to lean on. if you go weak at the knees at every given moment, then where will they find their support? thats not to say you cant let it affect you - it will. you'd have to be stone cold to not let it get to you in some way or form.

i guess the idea is that everyone copes differently, but the main thing is that you decide to deal with it yourself early on, the sooner the better, so that you can be in a better position to help them, you know? you've done it real tough by the sounds of it so far, Space Chimp, and by no means are you a stranger to the pain and loss that this aggressive disease brings. i can only hope and pray that your father's diagnosis is not dire, and is managable and treatable and - most importantly - conquerable (if there were ever such a word)

hang in there mate, and everyone else who is/has been affected by cancer, too. its only a matter of time before we break the stranglehold of the disease and find a cure. remain positive, remain steadfast.

God bless.

edit: had i read the remainder of the thread i would have realised your amazing news. congrats on so many levels, man, i really am stoked for your dad's recovery. may it never resurface, and never impact your family again :)

[Clodioz]

I did,,, My grandma (stomach, died, 4 months more or less), mY grandpa (prostate,died; 6 months more or less), my Aunt (pulmonary, due to somoke, cigarretes; died, 6 months more or less), and currently my uncle (prostatic, fighting) and another uncle (something in the neck due to the cigarrete, he got a hole now to breath, traqueotomía in spanish; fighting )

the months mentioned up there are the time they lived since the cancer was discovered...

sorry about my bad english to describe medical issues :P