Love and art

[Serpian]

Yeah a real angsty emo post coming up.. ;)

Long story short:
I have a fiancée I plan to marry. And there's a really nifty school in the neighbouring country which I am interested in (I have not yet applied). If I got into this school and somehow coughed up the money it'd cost to go there, that would mean about two years of living in another country than my finacée.

Cool move or not?

Can we make it?

If not, art dreams over love? (Wait, that one's easy to answer: hell no!)

Should I focus on this one school in my country that is on a completely other level and I fear will not give me nearly as much the first one?

Time's running out...

[wassermelone]

Why are you asking us? Talk to her about it.

[Serpian]

Oh, I do. I talk to her a lot, and my mom, and I think a lot about it on my own... I don't really know what I wanted this thread to give me...:) Just want to vent and discuss or something I guess..

[Interceptor]

Similar situatuion, but the answer was easy for me. Follow her to med school.
For me, love trumps art.

[Ilaekae]

Ummmm...

So you stay home and the next day she tells you to go fuck yerself. You're screwed both ways.

So you go, and she dumps you at some point. That means she wasn't serious to start with, and you're not screwed school-wise, and just maybe you find somebody better... or you become a painting monk.

I can tell how many girls i went out with by counting the near-fatal scars on my body, and you're asking me for advice in love. You're not very bright, are you? :P

[Serpian]

Boohoooo, Ilaekae scared me!! Sob.....

Well, the 'she's-gonna-dump-me' stuff isn't really a problem, we are dead serious, she's not just a girlfriend. But I don't think two years apart is healthy for any relationship...

By the way, are painting monks paid well?

[Elwell]

No one else can answer this for you. Everything in life is a trade-off.

[Juhani Jokinen]

I've actually been thinking the same thing.. I don't exactly have a school in mind but applying for jobs abroad is becoming more and more an option for me. The only problem is that my girlfriend ( that I have spent the last 4 years with ) is going to study in Helsinki for at least 5 more years.

I'd kill to get into a good school somewhere abroad but at the same time I don't know whether I can leave my better half behind. Tricky question and I don't expect anyone to give an answer but I just wanted to vent and let Serpian know that he isn't alone!

By the way- what's this school you mentioned Serpian?

-Juhani

[HunterKiller_]

For me, love trumps art.

*GASP*

[corky13]

hmmm...difficult.

I would go for the school...but love has failed me one time too often so friendship and art are more important for me. ;) Love comes and goes , but you live only one time so I suggest to take the opportunity to study abroad...

[enrigo]

I'm in a similar situation and I think Ilaekae is completely right. I've been living away from my girlfriend (just about 4-5 months up until now) but if you're both serious then it wouldn't be a problem, just a minor inconvenience so to speak.

A painting monk sounds cool, but then you probably have to give up drawing nude models. :P

[daestwen]

Here's my two cents.

If you're both willing to put in the effort to make it work, it'll work.

Ultimately, if she loves you, she'll want you to realize your dreams too.

[Hyskoa]

What's more important for you? Your art or your girlfriend?
If you don't focus on art, you "might" have some tougher times ahead of you where you will be leeching off of her financially. If at any time she walks out, you'll be pretty boned.

Now if you were to focus on art, you immediatly get a nice test for your love to see how deep it runs plus you don't screw yourself over if things don't work out eventually.


Then again, this advice is coming from someone who would have 0 difficulty with this decission.
Since I'm a controlfreak, I would take my chances with the one thing I have control over, which is the art.

[SalOnimaruRem]

Your story sounds similiar to my friend. He fell in love with a girl thousands of mile away from him. He wanted to marry her and she does too, but (cutting out the detail) she didn't want to marry him because of who he is and she wants to stay where she is for a 4 year education. My friend fell into some what a depression. He didn't give up on her and told her he would change who he is for her. He fought for her for quite a while and eventually won her heart back. They got married, but still they are thousands of mile away. She's over there getting her four years or more degree, and my friend over here getting his too.

How can they still be together when they are this far away? She wasn't just loyal. She had moral and knew what she want out of life. She has serious goals and dreams. She wasn't into guys that are like gangsta, a player, pimps, hoes and whatever; She wanted someone to spend the rest of her life with. My friend was the same too.

How they're still together? My friend called on the weekends or when ever he is free. Talk to her on whats goin on and so on. E-mail her too.
Keep in touch with her so she doesn't feel lonely or she will think something is up.


Since you're thinking of going to a college in a neighboring country and is. You could possibly drive and visit her on the weekends or something and make the best of it with her while u can. If your too far then forget it. waste of gas...

Love can make it if both of u are serious like u said and you or she trust you enough to be far away from her.

Like others said in here u should talk with her.

[Jasonwclark]

I say aim to get crushed as soon as possible -the younger the better.

Give it everything you have. Live your life for her, and then watch how quickly she gets bored of you. Try not to look like a fool when she eats the heart out of your chest, and spits it back in your face. Afterwards, when you feel like you've totally wasted yourself, and you have nothing to show for it, pick up the pencil and start drawing. Whether its literature, or painting, or music... Nothing resonates in art like genuine heartbreak. Once you have a deep well of anguish to draw from, then all you have to do is learn how to apply it.

Articulate that pain -make it universal- and then even strangers will love you for it.
Or who knows... maybe you'll get lucky, and marry, and everything will work out. Anything's possible

[Slash]

Its just school, its not like you're in the army or something that prevents you from flying over to see each other whenever you want. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that jazz. Learn to look for cheap flights, get frequent flier miles, call her on skype every day.


By the way, whats keeping her from joining you?

[Flake]

Well, I was going to post the traditional "You're 19, there is very little chance you'll be together long term anyway" thing, then I realised I hooked up with Mrs Flake when she was 19 and we've lasted 12 years and counting.
Didn't have to deal with a 2 year separation but we managed 4 months while 1500 miles away so 2 years in a neighbouring country should be do-able.


Edit: What Slash said, next door country can't be too expensive surely?
Where there's a will and all that..

Edit #2 : Are you sure this far off school is all it's cracked up to be? Might working your ass off at a "poorer" school get you further towards where you need to be?

[resonanteye]

I have a thriving career where I am and love does NOT trump art in my life. I have lost one or two relationships I was quite serious about at the time- but in retrospect it is a good thing.

I will always have my work, always love it, and always put it first in my life. If someone loves me, all of me, for who I am, they will be able to live in another GALAXY from me and it will still work out. They will understand that my work comes first and be happy about that, happy for me, and respect the choices I make to put my art first.

If it's meant to be a year or two doesn't matter. If it isn't meant to be the distance and time will show you that. Never give up your own life and your own work for someone else's happiness. At very least you will eventually resent them for your own lost opportunity, at best I mean. At worst it will set you and your work behind by years, and not work out anyway.

All good things require a sacrifice. Perhaps your relationship will get deeper as you deal with the separation. I have seen this happen, too.

[Penumbra]

I followed my love and even though I ended up quiting school without a degree, I believe I am a better artist and I know I am a better man. She gave me a reason to work that wasn't just money. I eventually took my education into my own hands which is really always were it was anyway. It really just boils down to this simple question:

Can you stand to be apart?


Schools do not make artists. Artists make themselves.

[Sept13]

artists should only date other artists, that way it's easier to go abroad :) Understanding and helping each other to fullfill your passion is the key to great relationships.

I'm also interested to know which school you are talking about, Serpian?

Anthriel: Incase you happen to go abroad to school, atleast you can ease your mind with this: you'll be so busy studying that you won't even notice how the few years fly past. Hard part would be keeping your other half as busy and pleased as you'd be.

In the end, what's a few years in a whole life?

[Interceptor]

I say aim to get crushed as soon as possible -the younger the better.

Give it everything you have. Live your life for her, and then watch how quickly she gets bored of you. Try not to look like a fool when she eats the heart out of your chest, and spits it back in your face. Afterwards, when you feel like you've totally wasted yourself, and you have nothing to show for it, pick up the pencil and start drawing. Whether its literature, or painting, or music... Nothing resonates in art like genuine heartbreak. Once you have a deep well of anguish to draw from, then all you have to do is learn how to apply it.

Articulate that pain -make it universal- and then even strangers will love you for it.
Or who knows... maybe you'll get lucky, and marry, and everything will work out. Anything's possible

Do not listen to this. :up:

[Sepulverture]

Let me tell you man. I moved overseas and was with a woman who i eventually married. Fast forward to the present and now I'm divorced, I missed a great opportunity to go to school AND I'm broke for the most part.

I say you ask her to go with you, if she isn't willing then she must not be all that serious.

[fixx]

Let's turn the argument around: Say she wants to go to some expensive school and live out her dream, and asks you to go with her. Will you stay, or will you go?

Don't ask someone to do something you wouldn't do yourself. It's easy math. Me, if I had a guy I was truly serious about and wanted to marry and he couldn't possibly come with me for whatever reason (work, family, yada yada) I'd choose him over going abroad. I'd try to find a school somewhat as good as that, and commute. On the other hand, if he were willing to come with me, then great! There are two people in a relationship and you both have to make choices. If neither one of you can compromise then *that* is a sign neither of you are serious enough to commit.

[Nike]

I say you ask her to go with you, if she isn't willing then she must not be all that serious.

Dude, and if she has some goals she wants to achieve, too, like a school, or a job, that doesn't make it so easy for her leave? That hasn't got much to do with her not being all serious. Not that I'd be super experienced with love, but I think love shouldn't mean that one is giving him- or herself up to live for the other - it should mean that two people support each other in working out their dreams, too, and also to manage to get over difficult times.

I know quite some relationships that have survived some years distance - it's not that you won't be able to visit each other from time to time. Sure, it's not easy, but if you two work it out together, it can work out :)

[Serpian]

Wow, thanks guys, a lot of encouraging posts!

Anthriel and Sept13: www.ateljestockholm.se This school is, judging from the website (yeah, smart thing to do, eh? :)) very badass. Look at the Student Work in the menu, and look at the before/after pics.

This whole love or art thing is an easy question for me really. If I knew that going to this school would end the relationship, I would choose love any time. I'm pretty sure we're going to make two years and still be together, but things can really go either way: either the separation strenghtens us, like some of you have suggested, or it causes problems which might lead to heartbrake later. What if this is really the time for us to start building our lifes together?

Daustwen: Yeah, When I ask her if she wants me to stay because of her she always answers no. But with a really sad face.

As to what keeps her from going with me, it's her school. And I don't think that her following me would be any greater a sign of love than me staying with her.

Slash: Cheap flights is probably the best advice so far :D But since I don't even know how I'll afford the school, let alone rent, food and supplies, I probably won't be flying home every weekend or so.


Anyway, thanks again for your thoughts. I didn't expect a clean answer, like Elwell said, noone can answer this for me. But it's good to hear some opinions.

[Ilaekae]

And to add something good to this...

I have two very dear friends who are now married for two years. He's English (London) and a bit over 60. She's a professor from Connecticut and maybe 20 years younger. They dated for 9 years across the Atlantic when they could, and even after they married, they don't see each other for months at a time because they both still have commitments in their home countries. Both doing very well, and very much in love...and still commuting from bed to bed...

[GriNGo]

Serpian, that school is a great choice! I also want to go there someday, or any good classicist atelier for the matter. Well, anyways, back to the topic, I think you should priorize yourself, that is, go study. If the love is there between the both of you, then the distance won't matter. If you're heart gets broken (just in case...), at least you'll be a kick ass painter/draftsman with a broken heart, and not the other way around. Good luck!

[Serpian]

A kickass heart with a broken draftsman?

[Crane]

Well for me it would be easy.

I love art, i can take it anywhere, and it can't walk out on me haha

hope you decide what to do and be happiest because of it! :sungod:

[Mungus]

Who's more prepared/strong enough to make the sacrifice or commitment to the relationship?
Can she bear your absence for this long?
Is the school really worth it?
Can she live with you while you're there?
Are you going to make a nest egg out of this career choice?