Question about Weddings...probably the most awkward place to ask this...

[dkounios]

I'm in such a pickle and I'm just gonna lay it out for you all then you let me know what you guys think. please nix all "my big fat greek wedding" comments, thanks. I hate that movie.

the story so far
------
me - greek orthodox.
amy - athiest.
**even though she doesn't believe in all of that stuff, she doesn't force me to change nor do I force her to change either. we are very low key about all that crap.**

me and girlfriend - together for 7 and half years. we have lived in an apartment for 3 years. now, currently living at my parents house until we move into our new condo in oct. after we bought that place, I took the plunge and gave her a ring.

enter, my mom. short, doesn't speak English well, makes a mean souvlaki, and well..a bit old fashion and crazy.


At first, Amy and I planned on just getting hitched in Greece next year. small, quiet, and nothing to it. The way we like it. Then, we talked about how it would be nice to have everyone come, so we are now doing it here in the city. Thats fine.
Amy and I do NOT want a Greek wedding (the long ceremony, crowns, etc). we decided to get married at the United church here in town, a place where inter-faiths can come together.
Amy is not baptized. But said that she would for me if I asked. I did (because while I am a low key Greek, I still would like to include her in future ceremonies where it is required for her to be Baptized, etc etc) she agreed. No problem. As I told my mother that we wouldn't be getting hitched in the Greek Church and it was the United, and it was NOT going to be a Greek wedding, she flipped. Saying that I had to, as it wasn't a real wedding and it would never work between Amy and I. Yelling ensued, in which where I proved her wrong with all that load of crap.

So now, 2 weeks later, me and Amy have an appointment with the Greek Priest. Its about 6 hours away and I feel like shit. There is a crap load of tension in this house, I haven't worked on anything in days (can't in this house...its impossible) and I'm worried that my mom the ninja, got to the priest first and told him to try and persuade us into getting married there. I promised Amy we wouldn't...


So is anyone Greek or know of this stuff? I don't HAVE to get married in a Greek church, do I? That would seem completely retarded if you did.

ugh...words of confidence would help about now.

oy..this is why I hate weddings. :\

[Interceptor]

If you're inter faith, and the ceremonies don't matter, then church does'nt have to play any role in marriage at all. Why not just get married via a lawyer and all that? I know to alot of people family is a huge deal, however.. this is your wife now, she should be closer than family in my opinion. Don't let someone else fuck with love man.

[Uziel]

First of all congratz.

2nd
Some people have a tidy bond with their parents (there's nothing wrong with that) but I think this is something you got to do for yourself and the lucky girl Amy.
Try to make some compromises if possible but don't force your girlfriend, marriage is a day of celebration for the 2 of you, you don't want her to be unhappy when your life as a married couple starts.
As for the meeting with the greek priest just listen to him maybe he's gonna say the same thing otherwise just say "I'll will contemplate about it" and walk away from it (ow yeah. do not bring your mother to that meeting!).

So don't do that greek wedding and go for the initial plan as much as possible.

BTW:We want pictures of the happy couple

[magicgoo]

Awww, I'm sorry to hear about this. No matter how old you get, your parents will always find some way to screw something up :P (For my husband and I at the moment, it's my mother in law trying to take over my pregnancy. ACK! In laws! So pushy!)

Anyway...

Do what YOU TWO feel is right and what is FUN! A wedding shouldn't be a horrible ceremony that feels like a funeral. It should be fun and exactly what you want it to be and where you want it to be. Just tell your mom she'll get over it. And she will. It's not her big day. It's YOURS and YOUR WIFE'S. Keep reminding her of this.

[life on the sofa]

have two low key ceremonies?..one greek one ..non-greek how ever you two would want it.

trying to keep two people happy who want different things is always a bitch:(

conratulations and good luck thougt :)

[Seedling]

Hang in there, dkounios. Do whatever it takes to make the people who are important to you happy in the short term, and fight like hell to make sure your mom and everyone else knows that only you and your fiancé get to decide on what happens to you in the long term. Also, keep in mind that it is *only* a wedding. The marriage will last forever but the wedding is just a hurdle to jump over. In the long run it doesn’t matter if it’s a big religious hooplah or you two and a justice of the peace.

And welcome to the Wedding Haters club! :)

[JAG.]

man i went thru a VERY similar situation.. but not quite exactly.

this is your wedding [yours and Amys i mean] and nobody else's. if YOU and AMY have decided whats gonna happen and where.. then thats it. end of story, congrats and may you have many beautiful children together,

now, i know ALL about the family situation.. traditions and beliefs and the whole lot of it. many of my friends have married in the last year and ive seen all sorts of drama. and THE PRIMARY reason it all goes ape shit is because the FAMILY is trying to run the wedding / marriage. just gotta ask yourself: WHOSE wedding is this??? yours or theirs?? and thats as simple as it needs to be. you have to help your family/mom understand this. and that she should support you.. not hurt you like this. and its not just the wedding thats at risk here.. cuz if this goes their way.. other things will fall under this spell as well. :nohope:

gotta stop it now man.. gotta make it clear that its YOUR life and wedding, and as much as your family may mean to you, if they wont support you then back off. cant let them take it from you.

trust me i know what its like.. if you want my sob story PM me and i'll share the whole experience :[

good luck and congrats - JAG

[Elwell]

So wait, I'm confused...
Are you getting married to your girlfriend or your mother?

[Undertow]

Awww, I'm sorry to hear about this. No matter how old you get, your parents will always find some way to screw something up :P (For my husband and I at the moment, it's my mother in law trying to take over my pregnancy. ACK! In laws! So pushy!)

Anyway...

Do what YOU TWO feel is right and what is FUN! A wedding shouldn't be a horrible ceremony that feels like a funeral. It should be fun and exactly what you want it to be and where you want it to be. Just tell your mom she'll get over it. And she will. It's not her big day. It's YOURS and YOUR WIFE'S. Keep reminding her of this.

Seconded! My wife and I did a JOP ceremony and later on down the road we'll do a nice formal renewal of vows so that everyone can be there, get drunk, etc.;) It's amusing that my brothers wedding (3 years after mine) was a formal ceremony in the church (which I wasn't too keen on) only lasted a year and my wife and I are about to have our 5 year anniversary.

[dkounios]

yeah... I know how it sounds (me trying to marry my maw).
I don't hate her for it or anything. I know what she is trying to do.
Blah..

anyways, you guys rock.
all comments have settled me down a bit.
I do feel better now.


thanks again :D

[Flake]

this is your wife now, she should be closer than family in my opinion.

This. She is now your closest family.

If you can manage to appease stroppy family without seriously compromising what you want then go for it, otherwise you must set priorities.

For me, the woman you plan to live with for the next 40+ years gets the deciding vote.

<--not married but in a very happy relationship for 12 years and we didn't get there by pandering to our families whims of how things "should be done"..

Trivia- we're both enthusiastic footie fans, she's Rangers, I'm Celtic. :D, yay for familial , religious and peer awkwardness. (this will make more sense to UK peeps..)

[Hyskoa]

Why are your parents allowed to speak?
Kids these days, they don't even bother training their own parents anymore.

[sve]

Your Ma is trying to please people among whom she lives... they dictate her life style... She is between rock and hard place as well, she has to behave with certain mode or it will be hell for her as well... Tell her you understand her reasons but this kind of wedding makes you unhappy. And you don't want those many presents the Creek relatives holding up for you ;).

[alesoun]

Dkounios You're marrying your lover; she and you come first. That said, you have the natural desire to keep your family happy. If your future wife being baptised in your faith is enough to involve her in future religious family ceremonies, then she's fulfilling not only her commitment to you, but her fulfillment to being a part of your family, especially if she didn't originally belong to your faith.
If your mother is truly religious, then she should realise just how much your future wife wants to respect your family by trying to reconcile your beliefs by baptism. I'm a Protestant, my husband is Catholic. We married in a civil ceremony. Neither of us converted, but my in-laws are wonderful. They have never been to my church with me; the need hasn't arisen,- but I've been to their church with them for weddings, funerals, etc, and they're all very welcoming.

A wedding is between husband and wife; others are there to celebrate the union. Tell your mother so, and that if she loves you and wants you to be happy, she will let you and your love carve yur own path.

[Flake]

A wedding is between husband and wife; others are there to celebrate the union.

Theoretically yeah, in reality it's an opportunity for both sets of in-laws to try and out do each other, granny simpson gets to wave a disposable camera, bride gets to dress bridesmaids up like luridly coloured blancmanges , just in case they upstage her.

Groom gets to make all his pals wear silly traditional outfits and uncomfortable shoes (seriously, have you ever worn kilt shoes? they suck ass..) and the happy couple wish their hardest for it all to be over and done so they can go on Honeymoon and get pissed...

Weddings would be a great party if family and tradition weren't invited.:teeth:

[dkounios]

thank you all for your input and motivation.
We just got back from the dreaded meeting with the priest and it wasn't as bad as we thought it would be. actually, it was alright. and he answered a lot of questions where as when we would ask my mom, she would always say "just cause' and not have an actual explanation.

my mom has that whole 'do it the traditional way or you go to hell' thing going because of her father. she was put through the same thing (she had an arranged marriage, only knew my dad for a month before getting married, then came to Canada away from her family told that she would only be here for 3 years which later turned to 26.) never the less, my parents do just fine and love eachother. my dad is just like me...low key, doesn't want to get involved, doesn't care as long as we are happy.


Anyways, all said and done. result:

2 weddings in one day. As it turns out, it is possible (since the first church is United). We will have the bigger ceremony with guests at the United, then go to the Greek Orthodox to get married the traditional way with the crowns and godparents. We were told that, and automatically agreed to it.

And I must say...I feel much better.



Back to drawing. :)

[JAG.]

excellent news man.. and Congratulations! :D - JAG

[Elwell]

Congratulations, I'm glad everything is working out.

[Seedling]

Wonderful news! Congrats, and good luck with the rest of the wedding ordeal. :)

[squidmonk3j]

happy for you, and even happier i won't have to make such considerations.